Being “Friends” on Facebook

At the beginning of this year, I had a bit of a revelation.
It had been on my mind for ages, I could just never quite put my finger on it. And then one day – the words put themselves together in my brain.

The moment you realise you’re just a FB friend,
when all along you thought you were more.

After that little epiphany, I started thinking about it more and more, and about my life and friends pre-Facebook. A time when I actually SPOKE to my friends on the phone. When I actually SAW my friends in person. When my social circle was small. Before people developed a complete aversion to answering their phones at all (and I LOVE speaking on the phone).
And I know FOMO well. It has plagued me all my life. You know the feeling – when you see your “friends” doing something without you, or getting together somewhere without you. That has bugged me less and less this year, and FOMO has always existed, but I have come to the conclusion that its Facebook’s real bread and butter – its what keeps people logging in and scrolling.
What really got to me though, what REALLY opened my eyes, was when people I thought were actual friends of mine, experienced major life events – and I knew no more about what was happening than anyone else who could see their Facebook feed.
That really hurt, because I was under the illusion I was closer to them.

Its taken me months to actually start doing anything about it, and I have no intention of closing my Facebook account, but I am unfriending* and un-following people regularly now. And I’m not doing it with any of those attention-seeking “I’m culling my friends list, leave a comment if you still love me” posts either.
Whilst I have used the “birthday notification rule” for some time now – the one where you unfriend someone after getting a Facebook birthday notification, but you have had no interaction with that person in over a year, but I am getting stricter with myself.
If someone makes me roll my eyes on a regular basis, for whatever reason, I un-follow them.
If someone makes me wonder how the hell we became Facebook friends in the first place, I unfriend them.

Its given me an odd sense of peace. An “out of sight, out of mind” kind of peace. Its made me determined to properly reconnect with the real people in my life.

*I loathe the word, I know its accepted, but it still sounds grammatically wrong to me.

Always A Mom… No Longer A Parent?

I was thinking about my knucklehead a lot this weekend… He left for Madagascar a week ago and its very likely that I won’t see him for a whole year! A whole year of no hugs or selfies! I miss him terribly!
And there’s next to no signal there, so I can’t even phone!
When we did chat last week, briefly, and with a 12-second delay, I caught myself wanting to remind him to keep his room tidy, and shower every day… And then reminding myself that he’s 27.
And working.
And travelling the world on his own.

And then I started thinking of my relationships with my mom and my sisters, and registering that whilst I am ALWAYS going to be my knucklehead’s mom, I no longer have to be his parent*.

This gets REALLY tricky when your child lives at home as an adult, but lets face it – few people starting out can afford to get their own place these days… And now he lives far away, and whilst I really hope he picks up after himself, I can’t remind him to do it.
Reminding him to do things like that would be like reminding him to be a grown up, and possibly make him wonder if I trust him. After I have spent years trying to teach him to be responsible and make his own decisions and choices.
It would be the same as my mom coming to my house and commenting on how it looks a little untidy! Or questioning decisions I’ve made with my husband!
Embarrassing and aggravating at the same time!
And however I try and make it sound like casual conversation, it will be criticism.

So now I’m a on a new learning curve…

*There may be a few exceptions to this rule…

Being More of an “Old Lady”

If you read THIS POST, you’ve already read about how when my now 27 year old son* was growing up, we had many, MANY conversations about sex, PMS, and babies, and more recently, a chat about menopause, and mood swings.
Because I am peri-menopausal.
Yup.
Officially old.
For about two years already.

Fokkit.

My cycle started going bezonkers in 2010 already, after being a perfect 25-day countdown for years, and its only gotten worse… I highly recommend downloading an app, BTW!

The forgetfulness, peri-menopausal the brain fog, is REAL!

So for about eighteen months I battled crazy night sweats – literally waking up with my pillowcase and my hair drenched with sweat. The sun went down, and I started sweating. I took to sleeping with a frozen 2L bottle of water at my feet, and our aircon was on ALL the time! My poor hubby!
And I was SUPER emotional for a while, but I think that has gotten better… I still cry almost every day over losing my daddy darling, and my precious Riddick – although that is real heartache over my loss, not just menopausal emotions…

The night sweats seem to have stopped, but they were replaced with hot flushes! Think of every cliche you’ve ever heard about hot flushes – they are spot-fucking-on! It feels like I’m blushing, but furiously! Thank goodness its short lived, but it happens several times a day and night! I literally strip my shirt off as fast as I can!

And just for fun, for about a month now, I’ve been battling little bouts of crazy lightheadedness and vertigo. Several times a day I get dizzy, to varying degrees. Sometimes its mild, but sometimes it feels like I am going to fall off my chair!
I think I would happily have the night sweats back if I could get rid of the dizziness!

All of it drives me nuts!

And I have to marvel at how life changes… Currently, “Aunt Flo” is the latest she has ever been – more than two weeks. My poor menstrual app has no idea what to tell me, and the other day my Glugster and I had a little chat about how we’d feel if we discovered we were going to have a baby.
The likelihood is zero – been there, done that, paid the specialists to tell us so – but we realised that its not what we want anymore. I mean, I’m going to be 45, the knucklehead is all grown up, AND we have ZERO medical aid this year! 😀

 

*What the hell!??! My son is heading for thirty!!!

When Brain Surgery Suddenly Seems Like a Good Idea… Part 3

Our knucklehead he was a little more mobile every day, and walking into ICU and seeing him sitting up on his own almost had me crying with joy. His PT and doc encouraged him to start walking and go a little further and further each time. He lucked out when he got a private room after his ICU stay – he could sleep to his hearts’ content with no noisy roommates or machines!
By day four it didn’t hurt so much to chew anymore, so he could have something other than soup and he was thrilled! He also asked for his laptop once he moved out of ICU ‘coz he said the hospital TV was boring. 
Dry shampoo spray was awesome as he wasn’t allowed to wet his surgery cut! He felt better and stronger every day, but he couldn’t go without pain killers for more than a few hours.
After 7 days in hospital, including 2.5 days in ICU, he was really glad to be home. He could at least “shower” on his own after needing help in the hospital, and we gave him a haircut to match the shaved square around his cut.

He was sore! So very sore! I cried myself to sleep a few times in the weeks following his surgery ‘coz my baby boy was in so much pain, and waking up in agony in the wee hours of the morning. And he got VERY bored, and his back hurt from walking funny because he was trying not to move his neck, and all I wished was to make it all better.  He wasn’t allowed to bend over, or lift anything heavier than 3kg, and a car ride was absolute torture for a good day afterwards – the involuntary movement of his neck in the car made him so sore!

The cut on the back of his head was 10cm long, and he had 17 stitches – they came out ten days after his op. How incredible was his progress over two weeks!

For those who have asked – his diving career did not cause or aggravate the condition. He was born with Chiari Malformation (we didn’t know it), and the syrinx in his spine has been growing for the last 20 years or so. And even with the Decompression surgery, he is not cured – there is no cure for Chiari Malformation and Syringmyelia – and he has a looong six months to a year ahead of him of taking it easy and recovering. And waiting and watching to see if the Syrinx in his spine shrinks enough – its this that caused the loss of sensation and pain in his arm and head.

He is so much better now, 111 days since his surgery.
He is still battling with a little pain behind his eye from Occipital Neuralgia, but it is much better than when he started regaining the feeling in his face and the back of his head. And whilst he has regained most of the feeling in his arm, neck, and face, the tips of his fingers are still numb. He has another MRI scheduled for the end of June, five months after his operation, so we can see just how much the syrinx has shrunk.
I am praying for a miracle…

What’s With the Towels?

People talk about the lost teaspoons.
You buy a pack of 12 at the supermarket- none of which match the other cutlery in your drawer- and about a year later, you’re stirring your coffee with a fork.

People talk about the missing socks.
You put two in the washing machine- only one comes out- and every few years you attempt to sort them, yet you’re loathe to throw them out.

And people talk about the magic of evaporating Tupperware lids.
You have tubs and lunch boxes of every shape and size, not one of which has a matching lid!

But nobody mentions…

The mysterious disappearing towels.

My son has a “set” of towels – not one of which we supplied him with. He studied and lived at SV, lived and worked in Mozambique, and then in Madagascar, and now he has several towels I don’t recognise.
Of the towels I had when I moved in with my darling Glugster about nine years ago, and the ones he already owned, we might have five left.
But we have “acquired” several other towels- in various shapes and sizes- none of which match, and I have no idea where they came from!

Is there some kind of bath towel exchange programme I don’t know about?