This is a very small part of a really great story.
A friend of mine (from here on referred to as “C”) has a little boy who’s just turned one. She has just won her court battle and will now be receiving R1K/month maintenance with no visitation. She says it’s the toughest thing she’s ever had to do, and things got quite nasty in the process, but she’s happy now and a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders.
So think about it, there are so many more single mom’s now than there were, say, twenty or thirty years ago. Nowadays it’s considered old fashioned to get married JUST because you’re expecting, in fact, it seems couples are more likely to split than to get married when there’s a baby coming.
Purely from my own personal observation of friends and family, the difference today is that while a lot of married dad’s are getting more and more involved with their children than they were thirty years ago, so too, more and more “unwed” fathers are walking away – because they can. It’s like its become acceptable for the father to ignore the child as long as both parents agree on it, or as long as maintenance is paid… is it because its easier to do it alone than to have to deal with an ex? Do biological ties count for nought in our modern times? And yes – before you yell, I include myself here.
I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have the complication of and ex when I see what a hard time some people have with theirs – BUT – my child doesn’t know everything about where he came from… sometimes I wish he DID know his father just so he could have someone else to be mad at.
Anyhoo, any one of us who is responsible for a child can vouch for what it costs financially – let’s just jump right over the emotional cost for a second – coping on one salary is all but impossible. If you do get maintenance, it’s usually not enough, but here’s the thing: “C” is proof that you should stick to your guns and do the whole lawyer/court thing – IT CAN WORK!
It’s way too late for me now, and since I chose this life, I am not complaining, but – if you’re new to this solo act, and if you can, then I say do everything in your power to get what your child’s father owes to his child (‘coz he doesn’t owe it to you).
Me – I feel that single motherhood has been “glammed up” by rich celebrities who decide to rescue” some poor little orphan because their biological clock is ticking and because they can afford it. It creates a wholly false perception of what it does to a child to be in a single parent family – no matter how much money you have.
There Is Never An Excuse
One in three is not a statistic - one in three is a crying shame.