* from tearing my hair out in frustration. AGAIN.
I KNOW I haven’t been the best mom on the planet.
I KNOW haven’t set fabulous examples for Damien.
I KNOW I left his Christian education WAAAAAY too late because of my own laziness and my anger towards my church.
I KNOW it’s far from easy being a teenager.
I KNOW I have a bad temper- but the last few years (honestly- about the last four- that was when the biggest actual decision happened) I have worked harder and harder to try and control it.
I’m doing a parenting workshop at our church (two sessions left). I’ve read books, I’ve spoken to psychologists and psychiatrists, I’ve subscribed to every internet parenting newsletter I could find* I’m really trying to not immediately scream and shout and swear* and to think before I speak. And this is to everyone around me- but especially when it comes to Damien. I mean, I thought I was doing okay in that regard. Maybe I wasn’t in everybody’s eyes, but over and above that- does he HAVE to talk to me like I’m his personal slave and I’ve just pissed in his tea AND crapped in his slippers! How the hell do I change the way he speaks to me? Honestly- it has been a battle lasting several years and I have no idea how to get past it. No matter how I speak to him, he inevitably answers me in such a way that he may just as well spit at me instead. Sometimes he looks at me like he could hit me! And the worst is he does it everywhere- in front of other people and in front of my family, and as much as I would like to maintain an illusion of control and a modicum of self respect- I can’t do that when other people see that he doesn’t respect me. Have I left my change of attitude and behaviour too late? He is fourteen, will he never respect me now? Do we HAVE to start every second day of the week with tears?
There Is Never An Excuse
One in three is not a statistic - one in three is a crying shame.