January 8th- Today Was Not A Good Day

Today my dad went into hospital- high care to be exact- for treatment of his hyperglycemia and hypertension. He was fishing yesterday and last night with my BIL and my BIL’s dad. This morning he was wrestling with an 8kg barbel when he suddenly got a headache and his neck went into a spasm. My BIL landed the fish for him (that’s how I know what it was and how much it weighed) while his dad drove my dad to the hospital here near us. He was immediately admitted and they’re running tests like crazy. His blood sugar read at 28 when he was admitted (normal blood sugar is between 5 and 8) and his blood pressure was 208 over 180. My mom called me at about 8h30 to ask if I could drive my Gran to church (I didn’t go, I overslept- and Damien miraculously slept till 9h00) and she told me what happened with my dad. I then called my sisters and brother to give them details and let them know what was happening. We were all more than a little shaken- but I for one was not surprised- I know my dad doesn’t watch his sugar closely enough. I just wish it hadn’t happened at all. We decided to wait for the afternoon visiting hours so they could do their tests and get dad stabilised before we invaded the place. I spent a rather tense morning at home trying to do everything BUT think about my dad- until it was time to go to the hospital.
I am a person who doesn’t react emotionally to something until everything is sorted and organised. Like when my granddad died, I cried a little when I got the phone call, then I didn’t cry until I got up to speak in the church, then I was finished crying. When my Ouma passed away a few years ago I cried when I got the phone call, then not again until the funeral. Then I cried all through the church service- but then again- I was a lot closer to my Ouma than I was to my Grandad. Today, the first time I got a lump in my throat was when I was driving home from the hospital and decided that under no circumstances was I ready to lose my dad. I didn’t cry though. I won’t cry in front of Damien if I can help it. He is upset enough already and I don’t want him to worry, especially not with school starting in a couple of days. I will cry tonight, when he is in bed and hopefully asleep, but I have tears in my eyes as I write, and I am worried and upset and angry and heart sore. Sadly- IMHO that is- I have on occasion been accused of being cold, or jaded, or emotionless, but I can’t help the way I am. I am not ready to lose my dad. Not even a little bit. I don’t even want to think about it. I want him to be there to give me away one day when I get married. I want him to see Damien finish school and go to college and start working as a marine biologist one day. I want him to see my first home when I buy one, and have Christmas at my house one day. I want to celebrate my parents fortieth and fiftieth wedding anniversaries. I want him to be one of those annoying old men who yell at their neighbours for making too much noise. He’s the only real father figure Damien has ever had and I don’t want Damien to lose him. OMG I sound so selfish.
So now we wait. We don’t know how long he’ll be in high care, or in the hospital for that matter, we just have to wait. And pray. My mom sent a text message to let me know he’s looking better this evening, thank goodness, and I’m still praying.

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