I Am Scared. . .

And I mean REALLY scared. There isn’t another word for it. Here’s the thing. Daddy Darling was in hospital in January for two weeks with hypertension and hyperglycemia. I honestly thought at one stage that I was going to lose my dad. And I’m so not ready for that- I mean- who ever is? He’s been a diabetic forever; we knew that- we also knew he had blood pressure problems- but when he collapsed on a fishing trip in January and was rushed to hospital we all sort of got a wake up call. The thing is, Daddy Darling has never been particularly. . . how can I say it. . . “careful” when it came to monitoring his blood sugar and his diet. He lost feeling in the soles of his feet long ago- he can’t go anywhere barefoot, but since the nerve endings in the extremities are the first to “go” with diabetics, the damage only gets worse from there, a seriously advanced diabetic could even have a heart attack without “feeling” all of the pain and thereby not even realise what’s happened. Mommy Darling has always worried about his sugar and his diet- but you can’t force someone to eat properly! Mommy Darling told me that Daddy Darling told her years ago that he knew he wouldn’t make his eightieth birthday. Since he got out of hospital his recovery has been long, and very, very slow. He’s still not well- he has been having pain on his legs and groin and he’s been battling with some form of depression- which results in him despairing over the fact that he’s still not well. Of course- around us he’s his old self, but Mommy Darling says he’s living like every day is his last- and not in a positive way! He is despondent over that fact that he’s still so weak. It’s all taking a severe toll on Mommy Darling, and we as a family need to face the fact that Daddy Darling may not even see his sixtieth birthday never mind his eightieth. He turns fifty four this year.

Daddy Darling’s newest blood test results do not look good. His red blood cell count is very low and his kidneys are packing in- something that is often also “quick” to happen with diabetics. They picked up a problem in the hospital in January but it wasn’t bad enough to require dialysis or anything like that. Now they’re going to a specialist on Monday. . .

‘Scuse me a sec. . .

Okay, I’m back from the bathroom, and now since I have no make-up left on my face, I’m quickly going to type finished before I start crying again. . .

I don’t know how to deal with this- I don’t know what to pray for- I know I do NOT want to lose my dad ever- never mind any time soon- and being dependent on others will drive him mad.
Pray for Mommy Darling for the strength to deal with all of this.

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.

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One Response to I Am Scared. . .

  1. Aquila says:

    Hey Angel…Just a short note to let you know that you and your family are in our prayers during this challenging time with your dad’s illness. Hope the specialist is able to help.