He Did It Again!

HE DUCKING FID IT AGAIN!
Right. So. I made my own chocolates this Easter. Yes, I know- don’t fall off your chair- I actually do know how to do things like that. I bought the 4 different varieties of cooking chocolate… i.e. white, milk, caramel and dark (a really nice one too- doesn’t leave that fatty layer in your mouth). I bought caramel, nuts, sprinkles, miniature cupcake cups and little boxes to put them in. I also bought rather pricey chocolate bread spread to use as a filling- like mousse type stuff. Initially I found it on special- in these adorable little “Asterix & Obelix” themed bottles. And since I’m such a complete sucker for a marketing ploy- I bought all four bottles in the collection. I figured- I had the money at the time so I decided to “splash out”. By the time it got round to actually doing the Easter chocolates I had in mind (I had made a list) Damien had eaten the spread. All of it… except for most of one bottle! To say I hit the roof is putting it very mildly! So I went ahead and did the ones I wanted to do (white chocolate filled with the nutty chocolate spread), and I stashed the rest… or so I thought… the next day I did the milk chocolate and Milo cups (this was about a week before the Easter weekend). The day after I wanted to do caramel chocolate filled with chocolate spread and chopped almonds. The spread was gone again! As true as shit- he’d gone and eaten what I thought I’d hidden! I.WAS.FURIOUS! I.WAS.SPEECHLESS! He knew why I needed the chocolate spread; and he knew I wasn’t finished; yet he went ahead and ate it anyway! So I went and bought yet another bottle of spread to use for the chocolates because I wanted to do them the way I had in mind- I didn’t want to compromise. But I didn’t find the spread I wanted and I ended up using one I wasn’t mad about. I did the chocolate and nuts cups, and put the rest of the chocolate in the cupboard with the rest of the spreads because I had finished the Easter chocolates I wanted the spread for. My hard work went down a treat! Everyone was very impressed and I was pleased with my results too.
And then last night. Sunday night. Damien had gone earlier and got a loaf of fresh white bread, and we had eggs on bread for supper with baked beans. Later I really felt like a sandwich with chocolate on it- fresh soft white bread, chocolate spread… yummy. I get the bread, spread a little margarine, I open the cupboard and… can you guess? NO.FUCKING.CHOCOLATE.SPREAD!
I nearly wrenched the cupboard door off I was so mad! So. I breathe deep and regain my composure. I put a little marmite on my sandwich. Also yummy, but not what I wanted. And since I already had bread today with supper this is really cheating on my diet! I hardly ever have a sandwich anymore! Then I count to 700, and I calmly call Damien to the living room where I am now sitting.
Me (using my perfectly-reasonable-Oscar-winning-imitation-of-a-calm-collected-mommy voice): Do you have any idea where the new bottle of chocolate spread is?
Damien (puzzled frown): The what?
Me (maintaining neutrality): The new bottle of chocolate spread I bought last week to do the Easter eggs with.
Damien (using-his-butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-my-mouth look): Nope. I’ll help you look…
Me: Okay.
He goes into the kitchen and I hear cupboard doors opening. Five minutes later Damien exits the kitchen and saunters nonchalantly past me.
Me (still in a perfectly-reasonable-Oscar-winning-imitation-of-a-calm-collected-mommy voice): Did you find it?
Damien (puzzled frown): What?
Me: The chocolate spread…
Damien (in his damn-I-was-hoping-you’d-forget voice): Oh… no, why do you want it?
Me (still calm): I thought I might enjoy myself a chocolate sarnie… but now I can’t find the chocolate spread I bought.
Damien: Oh.
Me: Have you seen it?
Damien: Sorry.
Me: Hm?
Damien: I ate it.
Me (in a slightly less than perfectly-reasonable-Oscar-winning-imitation-of-a-calm-collected-mommy-voice): Oh. When?
Damien: Just after Easter.
Me: The whole jar?
Damien: Ja.
Me: Great. Thanx Damien.
Yes- I know it was the wrong thing to say… but it was either that or throw the TV remote at his head!
I am now really going to have to reverse my bedroom closets and the kitchen grocery cupboard- it’s probably the only way I’m EVER going to have anything even vaguely yummy in the house!

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.
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2 Responses to He Did It Again!

  1. angel says:

    king: mwaaaaahahahahaha… glad you enjoy my ranting!

  2. KING says:

    Fantastic post! Write plays!