I really feel like a celebrity.
Autographed glossies will be gladly mailed after you send me a self addressed, stamped envelope… and 50 bux!
Terri’s Web Stuff is a regular read for me, and the one day I came across an in depth, well researched, interview of Terri by another blogger, one Buddess. It gave me a fascinating look into who Terri is, so when Terri actually offered to interview volunteers, I naturally started screaming “OOH COOL- ME! ME! PICK ME!” before remembering that Terri couldn’t actually hear me and I’d have to post a comment (insert sheepish giggles here). She has obliged, and the results follow…
Instead of copying and pasting them- I decided to supply the link to the questions on Terri’s page here: unlocking-angels-mind. She wrote such fabulous stuff about me too! But be warned- I’m talking about mois here, and I felt my answers needed some explaining… so “long winded” is probably a severe understatement!
Here’s my answer to question one:
I have had some shitty experiences, but who hasn’t! The biggest part of my decision not to get involved again was my son. My last relationship ending broke his heart too. I mean, here I was trying to be all “brave and strong” and not crying while telling my son that this man wouldn’t be back to see us, and he burst into tears! Talk about heartbreak on heartbreak! I know a lot of it was his hurting for me, but he really liked this guy, and I will not risk him being hurt like that again. I’m a grown up, I get it, and I’ll get over it- but IMHO, children don’t need their hearts broken like that. Something else that I refuse to subject the knucklehead to- and that I have seen happen- is when children become part of a family through marriage, and they’re treated as “not ours” by their new family. Granted- it’s usually subconsciously, but I’ve seen it and I won’t take that risk either. You can’t tell me a child doesn’t notice it. And yes- I know it doesn’t always happen- but I won’t chance it. And to be honest, my choice wasn’t entirely selfless… each time I think about the changes I would have to make to the way I live my life were I to get involved with someone… the, um, lets call them intricacies, of a relationship when there’s a child involved… simply put me off all over again. I mean, right now I come and go as I please. I spend my money as I please. My home looks the way I want it to (pretty much). Anyone I got involved with would have to accept my son as well as me- feathers and all- and not only accept him, but love him and learn to handle his ADHD as well. Which believe me is not easy, even for my own family who’ve “dealt” with it since he was born. I’m getting a little carried away here… but believe it or not- the answer is “yes”. I am SO NOT anti-marriage, or anti-relationships. Just not now. If one day I meet someone, and my son is a grown up, I will absolutely consider getting involved and getting married. If it were right and it made me happy. My mother will probably put up a billboard! And I may have to make a sworn statement- with witnesses- before my friends will believe I’m serious… teehee!
Here’s answer number two:
Wow Terri, you really dug deep! Really truthfully, I didn’t want to get married to him. We hadn’t even discussed it in the course of our relationship. Of course there was lots of “I’ll love you forever!” and such, but I was sixteen years young; I wanted to finish school and I wanted to study. And thankfully my parents were SO not going to allow the whole “shotgun” thing to happen. I really don’t remember if his parents wanted us to get married or not… there’s a lot I can’t remember anymore. I was prepared to do the weekend parenting thing with him, until he and his family decided they wanted out. Actually I hadn’t ever wanted to get married at all- nor have children for that matter- it had been my credo all through high school! I was never a babysitter, I didn’t help out in the Sunday school, and generally kids irritated me. I also had a terrible temper, and I was truly afraid that I would actually hurt any child that I might have to discipline. And I really did know that a marriage wouldn’t work- not at our ages and not to each other. He was nineteen and he had no idea where his life was going and I knew I would end up supporting him if we stayed together. I’m sure I do feel something for him. I like to think that I am now neutral when it comes to him, if neutral can be classed as an emotion. I actually discovered- about eight years ago- that I was physically incapable of saying his name out loud. Incredible as it sounds, I hadn’t even realized how big a problem slash issue I had, until I suddenly worked with three men who had the same name! Yes, I was very angry with him for years, so much so that I would probably have shot him with a smile on my face given the opportunity (just as well I don’t own a gun). And for years I had nightmares about him showing up on my doorstep and demanding to see my son. But that’s all gone. I saw a therapist for a while, which helped with the resentment. But mostly, time heals. Seriously- I can’t feel nothing. As much as I wish I could. As much as I’d love to tell my son “he was a jerk and he’s dead” I can’t do that. If I did and one day the knucklehead discovered I’d lied- all my love and work would count for naught and my son would hate me. I decided when he was a baby that I would answer any question he asked me as honestly and as simply as I could, based on his age and what I thought he could “process”. I do think about the day my son meets his father for the first time, and I often wonder what will happen. Will he even want to meet his father? Will his father want to meet him? And no, I would not change anything. Hard as it’s been- I think it would have been harder for me and for my son to move forward had I had to “share” him.
As for question three:
I would love to travel more… I don’t even have a passport, LOL! My son and I have taken holidays. Usually to the coast to indulge my darling knucklehead’s love of the sea and sea animals. And we have family there. It’s our version of family fun, of getting away from everyone and everything. But there are a few “trips” that I REALLY want to make. They’re filed in my “one day” folder. At the very tippitty top of my list is a dream to bike the 29th parallel (and if this article doesn’t make you wanna pack up and leave right now- nothing will). My cousins taught me to ride when I was fourteen (they had a farm and I hated being left behind)- they put me on a temperamental old lady of a Yamaha that wheely’d if you so much as glanced at the throttle- and I’ve been hooked ever since! Of course, buying my own bike is something that has to wait… but even if I have to hire a bike, I WILL do the 29th parallel! It starts in Port Nolloth on the west coast of South Africa and it ends in Richards Bay on the east coast and it’s basically a trip across the widest part of my country. I found it in a magazine about ten years ago, and I’ve been sort of half planning ever since. And I want to see my own country. I want to see uShaka Marine World . I want to see the Two Oceans Aquarium . I want to see the Namaqualand flowers. I want to ride in the cable car to the top of Table Mountain. I want to visit the Kruger Park. I want to photograph the shipwrecks and ruined buildings on the west coast. I have done some of them as a child, but I want to do them as an adult and on my own time. And one day I will go to Europe and see the works of the Masters- like Michelangelo, Botticelli, da Vinci, Rubens and van Rijn. I want to go to Florence, the Vatican and Rome, to the Louvre, the Met, the Tate. I want to see them all.
My answer to question four:
My real name is Anne McCaffrey… HAH- I WISH! Nope, apart from letters in a couple of magazines and an e-zine, I have never written anything to be published. I have thought about it of course, but it’s a daunting task when you really begin to look into the nitty-gritty of researching and keeping track of the plots and characters in a novel. And my being a borderline OC-control-freak, I wouldn’t be able to even start until all the plots and characters were properly and completely planned and researched! I’d drive myself nuts! I truly admire writers who can write epics in a series, like Anne McCaffrey, Terry Pratchett, Anne Rice and David & Leigh Eddings. Until I started blogging the only writing I did was a monthly newsletter to friends and family, and a personal journal (I have always been a diary keeper). Now I have my laptop, I don’t know how I survived all those years without a computer at home! At school my English and Afrikaans essays were what scored me big marks in exams, and I always enjoyed them. My interests for studying after school lay mostly in archaeology, and occasionally in journalism, although I didn’t think I could be “hard” enough for journalism. I plan on going back to school when I’m done paying for my son’s schooling, so who knows, maybe I’ll even pack everything in and become a writer full time… ROTFL!
And last but not least, my answer to question number five:
Short and sweet and to the point: ‘coz I wanted to! Mwaaaaahahahahaha! I’m kidding. You don’t think I’d now suddenly become a “short and sweet” type of person do you?! Actually I wanted my own website for as long as I can remember, I thought people might be interested in me and mine (delusions of grandeur, heh). And then I thought that maybe my experiences as a single mom might actually be of use to other single moms, especially since South Africa is really not big on support groups (again- the delusions of grandeur, hee hee). Then a little over a year ago I changed jobs. I took a huge leap of faith and a whole new world opened up to me. Where I worked before had little to no web access and I didn’t even know blogging existed. Then I stumbled across Mom In The Mirror through an email newsletter, and as soon as I could work out how to do it, I had my own page! And I love it! Maybe one day I’ll even be able to earn a living off of it…
Thanx Terri- I thoroughly enjoyed this! And now I have about eight hours of sleep to catch up on!
And now, this is how this works! It is a meme of sorts, so it has rules, and they go like this:
Here are the Official “Interview Game” Rules:
If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, “interview me”.
I will respond by asking you five questions – each person’s questions will be different.
You will update your own journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will then ask them their own five questions.
And so on and so on.