I Watched An Episode Of Dallas Today

Yup, you read it right. I’m still at home- my upper respiratory tract infection turned into full blown bloody bronchitis- even after finishing a course of antibiotics. So this week- Monday to Wednesday- it’s antibiotics again, and physiotherapy, and a nebuliser at night… but I spose it’s better than being in hospital with pneumonia! Although a week long stay in a hospital is starting to look inviting… at least there I’d have more channels to choose from!
Anyhoo- back to the doings and screwings of the Ewings.
It was a regular 50 minute episode and I believe Dallas has been credited with being the first truly addictive soap opera type series… I picked up some HUGE differences between the modern soap opera and Dallas though.
For example- in this particular episode:
• It opens on Blobby coming back from a run and deftly demonstrating his skills on the b-ball court (the hair- oh the hair!);
• Spam was reunited with her daddy- Snigger;
• Then Spam found out she was pregnant;
• Boss Ewing had a huge BBQ- seemingly for the whole town- replete with lotsa meat, lotsa booze and neatly decked out and exceptionally cordial all black servants;
• Spam & Bobby’s coming brat annoys Swellen no end and drives her to drink;
• Swellen then craps out Jayarr for his lack of interest in her- sending him off on a spot of bingeing;
• Boss Ewing’s wife strolled around & reminisced a bit with ex-boyfriend Snigger, telling him how she’d married boss Ewing all those years ago to save the ranch;
• Blobby & Spam had told everyone about the coming rugrat- except his parents- and so when they announced it to them, Boss Ewing got very excited, since Blobby is of course his favourite son over Jayarr and Spam asked her daddy & Blobby’s daddy to kiss and make up for the baby’s sake;
• Spam went to meditate in the hayloft after breaking up a fight- between her now torched daddy Snigger (who WAS on the wagon) & Boss Ewing (also torched)- over a long ago feud when the two had apparently been friends;
• Swellen has saddled herself a horse and is cantering in circles in a small paddock- enter Blobby- whom she drunkenly congratulates;
• Enter Jayarr- slurring badly- Swellen drunkenly berates him for her lack of offspring;
• Jayarr also congratulates Blobby and then tells him Spam is a slut, whereupon Blobby decks him, of course;
• Blobby escorts Swellen back to the party, leaving Jayarr in the dust;
• Jayarr strolls back to the party alone, and spies Spam daydreaming in the barn;
• As drunk as he is, he climbs up into the hayloft without making a sound- startling Spam who then tries to leave- and Jayarr accidentally on purpose pushes her out of the hayloft;
• Result- the doctor makes a house-call, Spam loses the baby, Blobby wants to leave and Boss Ewing makes an impassioned plea about keeping the family together, Swellen can barely contain her glee, and Jayarr is drinking again and still won’t touch her.
This was one episode. Notice anything?
Were this “Days Of Our Lives” or “The Bold And The Beautiful” or “Passions” or “All My Children” or something- this one episode would have been a year’s worth of fodder AND they would have included a few deserted islands, at least one coma, someone would have come back from the dead, and a mysterious stranger sleeping on a park bench would turn out to be an alien millionaire who controls everyone remotely from his secret lab under the park.

4 thoughts on “I Watched An Episode Of Dallas Today

  1. When I read this I was also reminded of what Dawn said about South Africa shutting down on Tuesday nights. But the same used to happen a few years earlier when the first ‘big’ soap showed on S African screens, Rich Man Poor Man. Do you remember that or was that before your time?

    Get over that illness soon.

  2. Your such a nut! I never watched much Dallas – but I had to giggle when I saw it came back on again. D’you remember the song that was made up to the theme music of Dallas?
    He’s fat. He’s Rich. His wife is a bitch. He drives a big yellow car. He lives in a palace in the middle of Dallas and we all know his name’s JR.

    Heh heh!!

  3. How funny! This brought back a flood of memories of the good old Dallas days, or should I say nights in Jo’burg. I have lived out of SA since 1993 and have told the story many-a-time about how at the peak of Dallas fever, there was not a car on the roads in the burbs during Dallas on Tuesday nights and that restaurants started closing due to a drop in business. It all seems soooo insane – but I was one of the severely addicted and never missed an episode. Did the Dallas Reunion make it to the TV screens in SA in 2005. For a lag you should check out http://www.ultimatedallas.com
    Anyway, I found my way to you via Spookie’s blog. I hope your upper resp. clears up soon, they are nasty and make you feel like crap!

  4. All in all, I’d say the entire series was nicely summed up in that one episode. Save for the part where it’s revealed to be just a horrible dream. Oh crap…did I just ruin the ending for you? Sigh. Feel better sugar booger.

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