Things You’d Love To Be Able To Say At Work

I got this in my email and I had a good giggle at a couple of them!

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I’m out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here – I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I don’t understand a damn word you’re saying.
10. Ahhh. I see the stuff-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision – I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a f-ing people person to you?
25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh, I get it. Like humour. Only different.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is finally done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun.
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.
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2 Responses to Things You’d Love To Be Able To Say At Work

  1. Spookie the Warrior says:

    Oh these are brilliant!!! I am going to study it so I can remember them…

  2. Tammy says:

    I LOVE this, lol!!! Will have to remember a few of them next time someone pisses me off at work.