Very Bizarre!

And getting weirder…?
Here’s the thing- I saw Damien’s father in traffic on Monday, on Tuesday, and again on Wednesday. Yesterday I saw Damien’s paternal grandparents out walking their dogs.
On average, that’s more than I’ve seen any of them in more than sixteen years… It feels longer. And then some days, like when I spot him at a mall or realise I’m driving behind him in the traffic, it feels like just yesterday.
I am truly glad I am not angry any more- it took me many years to get over that stage… at one stage I could probably have shot him with a smile on my face! And it took me nearly seven years to realise that I was completely incapable of saying Damien’s father’s name out loud! How weird is that!?! I was suddenly working with three men with the same name, and I couldn’t say it! I had to learn fast since one of them was my boss for a while!
I think have kept my promise to Damien though- I swore before he was born that I would never bad mouth or speak badly of or lie about his father (like tell him his father was dead to make my life easier)- and since Damien actually wants to meet him one day, I think I managed quite well. It was tempting… especially in the beginning… to just tell Damien the guy had died, or that I didn’t know who he was, or something like that. But I knew that if I lied and Damien found out I’d lied one day (as we all know he would have)- all my love and hard work would come to naught, and I couldn’t have that now could I?
The thing that worries me now, not a lot yet but it’s getting there, is whether or not Damien’s father will remember things the same way I do. I’m sure he won’t, and I’m afraid that he will tell Damien something contrary to what I’ve told him- thereby making me look like a liar anyway.
I know, I know, it’s my paranoia speaking again…

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.
Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Very Bizarre!

  1. angel says:

    katt: one day at a time indeed…

  2. Katt says:

    Lies always catch up with you, you did the right thing, Angel. But your concerns and anxieties are very normal and valid.

    One day at a time!

  3. angel says:

    nmotb: we have indeed spoken about the possibility of him not wanting to see damien at all! he hasn’t tried to see damien, but that was part of our agreement and i’m very grateful he stuck to it

    cher: i know exactly how you feel- damien’s father and i also split before he was born. he’s asked a few questions, but not as many as i expected him to. if i had my way- they would never meet- and he would have left the planet!

    dawn: people do indeed make their own choices, and i’m so afraid of my baby getting hurt. i almost think i’m seeing “him” around more because damien and i speak about him more and i’m more aware of him now than when damien was younger

    terri: thanx terri… i’m working on part 4

    ww: thanx for backing me up! damien’s father hasn’t attempted to contact him, but its what we agreed on when we split- i wouldn’t ask him for anything and he’d leave us alone. he also knows that had he shown up before damien turned 18 i’d have sued for maintenance and backpay- but after damien is 18 i can’t stop them from meeting

  4. Within Without says:

    Angel:

    Damien has had a lifetime of your love. His biological (and that’s all he is) father hasn’t even attempted to contact him, if I get that correctly.

    Any meeting between D and his other chromosome supplier will be a big deal, if it happens.

    But while D may have questions for you following such a meeting about differences in the story, all of his trust, experience, knowledge and love is with you.

    Don’t be afraid of what Mr. Slip Out the Back Door might say to Damien.

    And if there’s some higher purpose for you to see D’s dad frequently lately, maybe it’s just to get you to ask yourself these questions and to prepare yourself for the eventuality of a meeting between Damien and Doh-head happening.

    Best of luck with it. But you have nothing to worry about, I don’t think.

  5. Terri says:

    Damien’s a bright kid, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. He’s known you his whole life, and the honesty you’ve shown so far will win out.

    BTW I may be a little late in catching up but now that I have… Where is part 4?!

  6. Dawn says:

    I can’t help wondering what the Universe is trying to tell you by putting the Dad person in your path so frequently. Interesting – to say the least. I think when you have done everything like you have, from the heart and with a total commitment to the truth, you can’t go wrong. People will make their own choices regardless of what you do. You know you can lay your head down at night knowing you have done what you believed to be the best, for everyone! I don’t think anyone can ask for more than that.

  7. Cher says:

    I have the same paranoia about my daughter’s birth father. He was out of her life before she was ever around and she’s never met him, never asked though I don’t lie to her or hide that the dad she has now (and has had since three months before she was born) isn’t her biological father. I guess I”m selfish, but I don’t wnat that SOB to have any part of the beautiful child I worked so hard to raise.

  8. NMOTB says:

    That is rather wierd! I have also seen him around town quite afew times! You must however prepare D that A might not even acknoledge him as his son! It is not like he has made any effort to try and see or contact him all these years (or his parents)! It is a tough one bud, but what you have done is right – at least then D can make up his own mind and see for himself. Have a lekker weekend!