And getting weirder…?
Here’s the thing- I saw Damien’s father in traffic on Monday, on Tuesday, and again on Wednesday. Yesterday I saw Damien’s paternal grandparents out walking their dogs.
On average, that’s more than I’ve seen any of them in more than sixteen years… It feels longer. And then some days, like when I spot him at a mall or realise I’m driving behind him in the traffic, it feels like just yesterday.
I am truly glad I am not angry any more- it took me many years to get over that stage… at one stage I could probably have shot him with a smile on my face! And it took me nearly seven years to realise that I was completely incapable of saying Damien’s father’s name out loud! How weird is that!?! I was suddenly working with three men with the same name, and I couldn’t say it! I had to learn fast since one of them was my boss for a while!
I think have kept my promise to Damien though- I swore before he was born that I would never bad mouth or speak badly of or lie about his father (like tell him his father was dead to make my life easier)- and since Damien actually wants to meet him one day, I think I managed quite well. It was tempting… especially in the beginning… to just tell Damien the guy had died, or that I didn’t know who he was, or something like that. But I knew that if I lied and Damien found out I’d lied one day (as we all know he would have)- all my love and hard work would come to naught, and I couldn’t have that now could I?
The thing that worries me now, not a lot yet but it’s getting there, is whether or not Damien’s father will remember things the same way I do. I’m sure he won’t, and I’m afraid that he will tell Damien something contrary to what I’ve told him- thereby making me look like a liar anyway.
I know, I know, it’s my paranoia speaking again…
There Is Never An Excuse
One in three is not a statistic - one in three is a crying shame.