I clean forgot to mention how much Damien has always loved bandanas and hats- since he was tiny! Just a little thought that struck me as I was ending part three.
I also feel I need to clarify… or detail rather… something about how our life together was at this stage. We had lived alone for about two years by the time Damien was diagnosed, a boyfriend of mine was living with us at the time, we had started seeing each other and he had moved in shortly after we had moved into our flat. Of course- when we first started dating, I thought he was just the sweetest thing- but it didn’t take long for him to show his “true colours” and to this day I dunno why we were together for nearly three years!
So, for all of you who think I’m so fabulous (and you know who you are, LOL) – it took me a helluva long time to get to this point- “this point” being where I can be patient (among other things) with Damien. I can see the progress I’ve made and I must be honest- I am proud of myself- but I still regret how I WAS because it affected Damien profoundly. His mannerisms now- his way of speaking to me- all stem from how I was. He had many years to learn how to speak to people by simply watching mois. Lemme see if I can explain. I didn’t ask questions or make conversation- I kakked people out, then I’d get pissed when they got offended! My tone of voice and mannerisms and everything were offensive to A LOT of people, especially at work. I was constantly in trouble at work because people complained about how I handled them. And I got pissed at everyone because they were upset by my (what I considered normal) way of speaking. And this is exactly what Damien does. It’s also what my Daddy Darling does- and it took me years to teach myself not to get pissed at him for it because I had to train myself to listen to the underlying “message”- so to speak. I also have to keep reminding myself not to speak to people that way. I was also one of those mom’s who screams and shouts ALL the time! I had zero patience with him and I am ashamed to admit it, but at one time I was even pushing him away or getting annoyed when he wanted to hug and cuddle me (Mommy and Daddy Darling called me out on that one and I realised what I was doing- I stopped doing it and luckily for me it wasn’t too late). I also started seeing a psych at this stage, I was afraid Damien might have a problem with not knowing his father and I wanted to eliminate- or at least start working on- any emotional problems he might have. The psych was very quick to tell me that Damien was well adjusted and I had nothing to worry about at that stage- but he said I had “a problem” and would I like to tackle it? I was stunned, but I agreed. We worked through several things- I won’t go into detail, but one of the things he said that stuck with me was that all my plans for the future were for “me, myself and I”… they were not for an “us”. That was a BIG wake up call for me people. Changing the way I looked at my future opened a lot of doors for me that I had closed all by myself! Of course, when Damien was diagnosed as an ADHDer I had to practically relearn all those lessons to the nth degree and some of them took me literally years to get under some modicum of control.
Right- I think that’s enough background info… I’ll continue with Damien starting school in part 5.