Self-Actualised People Are Independent Of The Good Opinion Of Others
Wayne Dyer says that. I think it’s a fabulous maxim to live by. I want my darling Damien to grow up and be happily independent, and I want him to know that now already.
Damien and I talk about our future on a regular basis. I want him one day to be able to earn a living doing something he loves to do. If this means he’ll be living in a tent on a beach, or in his car, or whatever… it doesn’t matter. As long as he’s happy- I’m happy. Damien doing what he wants to do is IMMENSELY important to me. And I am convinced that his future happiness will in no way depend on how much money he earns. Too many kids are pushed into a career they have no interest in because their parents want them to earn a good living.
At the same time- I don’t want him to think that I can’t wait for him to leave home and leave me to do my own thing!
I tell you… it’s a fine line to walk, bunnies.
I want Damien to know that one day when he’s grown up, I plan to go back to school, maybe start my own business, definitely travel. One day when he’s grown I want to do the things I decided many years ago to put off so that I could focus all my attention on him. So that now I get to send Damien to the best school I can afford. Now I can afford to allow him to explore his interests and encourage him to know where his talents and abilities lie. Now I can let him work out what he wants to be one day and guide him in decisions that can influence his future.
And when we discuss our future- we talk about what I expect from him. What I want and hope for him.
One thing that does come up is money, obviously. When he’s 16, he’ll be allowed to work legally, and I would like to help find him a job for weekends and holidays. But he also understands that when he starts working and earning some money, when he can afford it he will be responsible for his own expenses- like deodorant and condoms and hair gel and ear rings and such like. And depending on what he earns, I expect him to contribute to board and lodging as well. I have also told him that living with me indefinitely is also not an option. Obviously I’m not going to kick him out when he’s 18 or something, but I don’t want him to still be living with his mom when he’s thirty something… a’la Failure To Launch
(and his father)… KWIM!?
I also know what I like, and I have a vague idea of where I’d like to “go” one day. I definitely don’t want to suddenly find myself alone at home with no idea what to do with my time!