Mommy, Did You Ever Have Pre-Marital Sex?

This weekend I received one of the many parenting newsletters I subscribe to, and that was the heading of one of the articles.
It got me thinking (as I’m sure they’re s’posed to do).
In this day and age, it seems to me that parents (of tweens and teens especially) spend an inordinate amount of time cautioning our children against the dangers of sex and trying to teach them right from wrong… well, I do at least. Granted, we live in interesting times- dangerous for most- and we start teaching our kidlets about strangers and road rules from tiny. But we tend not to broach the subject of where babies come from until they ask. And things like wet dreams, wanking, cunnilingus or even oral sex are almost never mentioned (as in no hard and fast rules are set) discussion taboos! These usually end up being researched in private… by raiding mommy or daddy’s porn stash… or discussed with friends in hushed, giggling circles!
I decided to tackle any and all subjects with Damien as early as I could- thereby ensuring my darling boy got the facts from me instead of garbage and rumour from his friends. I think I’ve mentioned before that Damien and I have had many MANY conversations around sex and girlfriends and condoms and masturbation and friends and rules and so on and so on ad infinitum. As a result, this particular question- did I ever have premarital sex- was pretty much moot once he knew where babies come from. He simply put two and two together, and knew I had “done it” outside of marriage. I couldn’t even lie about it! It certainly makes it a little awkward to tell him it’s best not to do the same… I can only hope he’ll learn from my mistakes (even though kids never do).
So, have you thought about how you plan to tackle questions like these? How much are you willing to discuss with your children?

8 thoughts on “Mommy, Did You Ever Have Pre-Marital Sex?

  1. t.c.: thanx sweetie! i must be honest though- its hard for him to run away when we’re doing 120 on the highway!

    solomother: hhmm… single moms to boys have their hands full eh!!?

  2. I suspect I’m going to be having some very honest conversations with the King of Everything about sex, sooner rather than later: a day in the life is what i’m dealing with right now!

  3. My parents told me where I was conceived the other day (Lesotho, interestingly enough). I was like ‘ahhhhh’ but then I thought whaevah.. get over it!

    I’ve think I’ve said so before, but I’ll say it again – I think it’s really great that you talk to Damien about sex and how the various body parts work. And it’s also great that HE is open to it, because I remember myself not being very open to my parents talking to me about it, and I’d sort of just run away. Good to know that he doesn’t run away.

  4. vangie: girl- you’re so cool that i reckon by the time you reach this stage, you’ll be writing books to help out the rest of us!

    michelle: good luck, LOL! i think you’re as lucky as i am in the relationship you have with your boy! it makes things like discussing sex a bit easier when you’re close… or does it make it harder…?

    rattling the kettle: HEEEEY!!! a new visitor! howdy! that’s very funny, and i must admit to feeling the same way for a while…

    phats: it will doll, it will… lemme know what happens then okay!?!

  5. My boy is just a wee bit young for these types of talks (at 17 months…), but I tend to think that open, frank discussions are much more likely to foster a healthy sexual awareness than closing your eyes and hoping that he moves away to college before I have to answer awkward questions…

  6. I’m in the same boat – never-married mom of a teen son. We got past the “where babies come from” thing a while back, and last year it was a discussion after his friend showed him how to find porn sites on our computer.. But I admit I haven’t spoken as much as I’d like to with him on matters sexual.

    I’m going to need to soon though – although there has been no girlfriend interest as yet, it’s coming. He DOES know quite a bit, but there’s much I should still be sharing…

    Wish us (moms and kids) luck… 🙂

  7. Well, I don’t have any chitlans but if I did, I’m sure I would be doing just what you are. The more open you are to discussing these things, the less taboo they seem and the more respect they are given. Seems that way, to me anywheeeeey.

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