Last September

I wrote this post called “It’s Baa-aaack” and I posted it on my Confessions page- where I also wrote about King Robbie (My Soul Mate) once, and wondered “What Could Possibly Be Wrong With Me”. I put it on my Confessions blog ‘coz I didn’t think it was particularly mommy related.
Well, “IT” is indeed back… (and I’m not talking about Allan this time) so here’s pretty much the same the post again, and while I still don’t think its mommy related- it is about me! So read on for the details- mommy darling, you may not want to…

“IT” is a very familiar and a very scary feeling, maybe it’s an emotion. I dunno. It has taken over my brain and my body of late… and every time it does, it puts me in a very bad mood. “IT” is feelings of longing, desire, and was one I used to very much enjoy indulging, but as tempting (and surprisingly easy) as it is to do so- it no longer fits into how I live my life as a Christian- and a mom.
I can’t teach my son values if I don’t live by them… right?
“IT” comes and goes (usually mildly and ignorable), but once in a while it sorta moves in and stays for a few days. And then I’m dangerous (to myself at least). In my past- when I felt like this- I would go out and hunt. Literally hunt. I’d go to a club or a bar and set my sights on whatever hunk I took a fancy to, making sure there was no ring or girl attached. The attraction was always mutual- if there’s no “electricity” (to use a cliché) its no fun.
I think that sometimes I just crave physical affection. I’ve always loved hugs and kisses and I’ve always enjoyed sex, I personally think a woman’s view of and enjoyment of sex has a lot to do with her first experiences (and let’s face it- most women have a really shitty time). I was one of the lucky ones…
So now, I try not to think, and I mostly take “refuge” in food and tattoos, usually junk food- though I can’t eat like I could before my op and tattoos are expensive. I know, I know, not too smart- and it’s a poor substitute for what I’m really craving…

I s’pose since its only once a year I can cope with it- and writing about it helps too.

5 thoughts on “Last September

  1. allan: hoo boy… very good argument dude! god does indeed approve of fabulous shags, and he did indeed invent the clitoris- along with the rest of the body that makes sex so much fun… but god also gave us rules for our relationships- they weren’t all invented by man. it is- of course- each person’s own choice… sometimes we just go through phases that make it a little tricky to stick to our choices, lol!

  2. If there is a God, I am sure It would approve of fabulous shags…all that sexual morality BS was invented by humans (MEN)because ‘it’ is one thing that all humans share, which makes controlling ‘it’ key to controlling humans…in other words, the Church invented Rules About Sex, but God invented the clitoris.

  3. mel: i had some… um… “toys”, but i found them immensely boring to play with on my own!
    it is indeed hard being an hc- and i do LOVE that last paragraph!

  4. It is very difficult being a single adult Christian women. Of course you want the odd fabulous shag but you know God says no and if you do it means being disobedient and that means all sorts of trouble as well as seperation from God.
    You need a good vibrator!
    Or a good husband who loves God, u, Damien, your family. He must be kind and have lots of bucks to pay for the tattoo of his name that will adorn your sated body.
    Hard being a HC!
    Mel

  5. phats: teehee… “it” is more like a longing for it… if it was sex i wouldn’t have anything to write about!!!

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