I Found Out…

Damien’s father is married.
I suspected he might be by now, and Damien and I have chatted once or twice about whether he’s married and whether Damien has any half-brothers or sisters… I mean- we split almost seventeen years ago and he is in his late thirties- but I never knew for sure.
Now I know for sure- thanx to the wonders of the interweb don’t you know… It doesn’t look like there are any offspring- yet- and I’ve been wondering. Should I tell Damien I KNOW he’s married, or shall I leave it till they meet one day?
What I mean is, in a situation like mine, people like Damien’s father seem almost imaginary because we have no contact and no longer share any friends (we used to have a few mutual friends) but once you learn something about someone, they suddenly seem a lot more… um… “real” in your head.
Damien tells me that he hasn’t made up his mind whether or not he wants to meet his father yet or not- that he’ll decide later, when he’s older- I think he means it, though I know he often answers my questions with the things he thinks I want to hear…
So, oh all-knowing bunnies o’ mine, should I tell him, or do I wait?

12 thoughts on “I Found Out…

  1. If he asks, or if it comes up, then tell him. Personally I wouldn’t make a huge deal out of it; as someone else said, it really makes no difference if he’s married or not.

  2. He will meet him at some point in his life and it’s not as if Damien is ever going to run off with him.
    It is a difficult situation but the time will come when Damien will be formulating his place on Earth.

    You know how young people are intrigued by things that we try to shelter them from. The less mysterious the better.

    Just keep feeling him out and you’ll know when the time is right.

  3. all-bunnies: you are all so sweet… i read your comments with a big lump in my throat!

    i’ll be posting about this shortly…


  4. I say the next time he asks/ talks about his father, you could tell him.

  5. Okay. This post made me cry. Immediately. :o(

    If his dad is married or not makes no difference to Damian’s life. If he likes orange or prefers blue, makes no difference to Damian’s every day life…. I think you should tell him once he wants to meet his dad.

    Just my opnion.

  6. “Damien’s father is married.”

    What, no one gave that poor woman fair warning? Seriously, you have to tell him before he turns eighteen. By then it will be his decision and he might resent you for withholding information.

    Wait until he seventeen and ten and a half months.

  7. I think you should tell him angel. He might feel a bit lied to if he finds out later that you know and didn;t tell him?

  8. I feel (very strongly) that you should tell him. He is old enough to decide if / when / how he would ever meet the guy and I think keeping the trust and communication open is vital. You guys have such an honest relationship and this is inportant.
    The fact that we all know now also means he needs to as well.
    You are an awesome mother to him!

  9. this is a really intense decision… I should probably refrain from advising..

    take care tho and hang in there..

  10. I dont see the urgency of that info unless Damien is asking you for it so he can start to prepare mentally to meet. My kids see their father on their terms every year. And every year they (dad too) all say “never again”, so just ride it out.. he will ask for the info when he finds it useful.

  11. i would wait. D obviously has mixed feelings about this guy. if he asks any questions, tell him, but don’t volunteer this i’d say, what must he do with this info? holy moly life sucks sometimes! but only sometimes! good times!

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