And currently, I think I may be losing my grip! To be entirely honest, it’s a slope I’ve slid down and climbed many times in my life…
I’ve written and re-written this post over and over again so many times in the last week or so that I’ve lost count entirely (this is the post that’s been tying my brain in knots). Partly because I’ve been debating with myself on whether or not to post it at all… and mainly because actually posting it makes me sound like some kind of lunatic nymphomaniac!
For the last few years I’ve worked at getting back into my Christian “routines” (for lack of a better word) and I’ve enjoyed it immensely- it’s so incredibly fulfilling! And I have been totally celibate for just over four years- by choice. Trust me bunnies, it takes a lot of work for me to maintain that because I know what I’m missing!
I am a Christian; I am not ashamed to say I am. I’m not a “Lordy blogger” like my sister B or like Doula Mel (I just love this description Mel), but I do hope my beliefs come through in my writing somehow… I was saved almost twenty years ago, and I’ve been a church goer all my life. My parents taught Sunday school and we went to the same church until I was about 22 years old. The church supported me through my pregnancy with Damien and the church loved Damien from the day they found out he was coming. I love going to church and bible study and the people I meet with and pray with and I love to feel close to God… I have seen and experienced amazing things, and there’s no doubt in my mind as to who is in charge of the universe…
Aaaaaaand then I hit a rough patch and I stopped going to church and I had a few boyfriends and some not so PC relationships and I partied and gallivanted like a mad thing…
And then I started going to church again and realised just how much I’d been missing!
Now I feel like I have come to a detour again, and for the last few years it was fairly easy to take the “right” road… but lately I’ve been standing at the detour and debating with me, myself and I about how much more entertaining the “wrong” road is and how much work the “right” road is… I think it might be easier for me to opt for the “right” road if I didn’t already know what was in store for me on the ‘wrong” road, but I’ve spent many years dawdling along the scenic route and doing all sorts of things I know I shouldn’t be doing- giving in to the pleasures of the flesh so to speak- and not setting a very good example for my darling Damien. The “wrong” road is just SOOO much more fun…
I think a large part of it is simply a craving for physical affection, and I tell you- if I open that door even just a smidgen the devil has a field day in my head! Not to mention cigarettes, and driving too fast…
So, I am still debating with myself furiously- and trying to pray- but I’m finding it very VERY hard to concentrate on anything apart from the things I’m longing for!
There Is Never An Excuse
One in three is not a statistic - one in three is a crying shame.