This Is For The Wanker…

Who is currently driving a white bakkie- with a canopy- bearing the registration number RRT617GP. I hope your boss Google’s his vehicles…
You are an asshole supreme.
Yes, I was half a second late pulling away from the traffic light where you first came up behind me- but to my mind that does not validate hooting at me to move- so already I’m on edge.
But these things happen. I am prepared to let it go. After all… half a second is a LOT of time traffic light to traffic light and I would hate to inconvenience anyone you know.
But then- weaving around behind me as we drive up the hill only pissed me off- you want to go the same way I am going and so cannot overtake me just yet with cars to the right and in front of us, so you resort to typical South African road hog intimidation tactics instead.
At the next traffic light we both turn left- and I continue across the road and keep right as I am going to be turning right at the next traffic light.
You twat.
Then your pulling up to my left and hooting at me repeatedly and trying to get my attention- and yes, I was still trying to ignore you at this point- before pulling in behind me and flashing your lights is WAY over the top.
You complete fucker.
You can consider yourself lucky, you doos, that I didn’t simply ignore the next traffic light and leave you to sit behind me until a moment before it went red again.
As it is- you hooted at me again as the light turned green- and I was already moving! I felt, at this point, that I no longer could ignore your bullshit, and that flipping you the bird out of my window was fully justified.
Following me across the intersection it seemed you were relaxing a little- and by this stage I was more than a little nervous, heart pounding and all that, and the next thing I know you’ve pulled in next to me on the left again- as I look across you’re waving your arms at me as if to say “What?” and you’re deliberately keeping pace with my car and trying to get me to look at you.
You fucking jerk.
Now I’m pissed off and scared and I swear if I’d had a gun I woulda pulled it then just to get you to fuck off and leave me alone.
At the next light I turn right and you go straight and I am rid of you at last.
I hope someone slashes your tires and you rot in hell, you fucking wanker.

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.
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18 Responses to This Is For The Wanker…

  1. angel says:

    sweets: teehee, the kidlets love it when I scream “wanker” out the window!

    natalie: oh I hope so too!!

    boobah’s mom: ditto for me on all three of those! Tag accepted…

    expensive mistakes and cheap thrills: I tried the site- broken? I go to roadhogs and i phone the “how’s my driving” numbers!

    becauseican: very well put!

    supermom: smile and wave, eh? i must try that next time!!!

    goosie: hell i can’t imagine how much of this crap you get!!!

    sometimes saintly nick: mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaaa, so you don’t mind waitresses then?

    gnat of glass: ooh, good idea!

    gin: ta, appreciate it…

    louisa: i had another wanker get out of his car once- he’d also been hounding me- and as he started walking to me the light changed and i left him standing there holding up the traffic!!! mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    restlesshousewife: nuh uh, sowff effrikuh’s full of them too!

    s e e quine: he did indeed- the wanker! sorry bout your incident, what is it with people on the road!!?!

    mel: mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa… i’ll be sure and be careful in future!

    writeprocrastinator: okay okay- I believe you!

    m@: or a penguin…?

    allan: that’s just what I was thinking!

  2. Allan says:

    Mad Max, where are you?

  3. M@ says:

    Oh!

    Hooting is “honking.” I was picturing a guy saying, “hoot-hoot,” like a monkey!

  4. Writeprocrastinator says:

    It wasn’t me…

    …honest.

    I was all the way across the world…

    …I mean it.

    Look, that’s not even my license plate, Scout’s honor…

    …all right, I was a lousy boy scout, but I’m telling you that wasn’t me!

  5. Mel says:

    You must be more careful my friend, rather just turn off somewhere because ol’ wanker could have pulled a gun on you. I wish I could say wanker on my blog…. wanker, wanker, wanker!

  6. S E E Quine says:

    ` OMGWTF?! He FOLLOWED YOU AROUND!?!
    ` That reminds me!!! The other day, Lou Ryan pulls into a line of traffic stopping at a stop light.
    ` In the next lane, beside the back tire of the car was the front end of a semi truck (or lorry, or whatever you call them in SA) and it extended a good distance behind the car.
    ` Suddenly, we hear honking (as we say) coming from a vehicle that is approaching where the rear of the semi truck is, so that’s pretty far. I thought whoever it was was honking at someone around the back of the semi truck, but slowly he pulled forward towards our car, completely leaning on the horn.
    ` This went on for some twenty seconds until we were completely stopped at he came close enough for us to see.
    ` Finally, I could make out a gray-bearded man and Lou Ryan, B-dizzle and I were all staring around, trying to figure out why he was honking.
    ` THEN, I finally saw him give us the finger as he continued to lean on the horn. What the hell? Could Lou have possibly cut this guy off, seeing as he was probably a hundred feet behind us when we pulled out?
    ` Luckily, Lou lost him quickly, but it got us thinking, ‘WTF’? What got his panties in a bunch?

  7. www.restlesshousewife.com says:

    Geezus – I thought those insecure, idiotic road hogs only lived in Vegas.

    I feel your pain. Whenever I leave the safety of our home, I feel like I’m entering a battlefield. The drivers here are C.R.A.Z.Y.

  8. Louisa says:

    Be careful out there angel! I had something similar happen to me the other day, only the guy first got out of his car and wanted to have a fist fight with me – and when I left him in my dust he got back in his car and tried to run me off the road!

    If I see that guy again in the same state of mind I might just introduce him to the business end of the stick I keep in the car for just such an occasion. Pffft…

  9. Gin says:

    ZOMG from a fellow daily crazy commuter with slight road rage issues, I am so sorry! I’m also impressed by your restraint!

    I hate rude bastard drivers that can handle waiting a half second than won’t let you ignore them and their b.s. grrrr … I totally feel for you!

  10. Gnat of Glass says:

    get it out lady get it out. Don’t keep that inside it will just rot you.

    Paintguns are good for a quick scare….Not that i have every unloaded a full hopper full of pink paintball at someone at a light for throwing snap and pop firecrackers at me for fun or anything of that nature.

    Gnat.
    .

  11. Sometimes Saintly Nick says:

    I have real problems with hooters—I mean folks who blow their horns, not waitresses.

  12. goosie says:

    I have to agree with Mel there, If someone is being a wanker on the road – that’s when I switch to spiteful mode – you should see how that pisses them off, oh and the wave thing – works everytime!!! (remember I used to drive for a living – can you imagine how I would be if I got cross with every single wanker on the road?). Just not worth it my friend!!!! Have a super duper weekend!!!

  13. Melany aka Supermom says:

    Some road rage there Angel? Nah..just joking. You know. It drives me insane. What possible difference did that 30 seconds make in his life? Just got him ticked off and ruined his own day. For 30 seconds.
    I normally turn around and wave. I mean if you want to get THAT close to my car…in my car’s personal space so to speak, then heck, we are basically friends right? Smile and wave lol

  14. BecauseIcan says:

    Angel,

    Sorry man, Sounds like you were being very patient too..Dont know how you did it!… I would’ve probably been arrested for beating him with my steering wheel at robot #3 already..

    F?kken oxygen thief!

    B

  15. Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills says:

    you should submit this to http://www.driverhate.blogspot.com

    they are compiling archives on such traffic misdemeanours!!!

    i submit stuff there quite often!

  16. Boobah's Mom says:

    Oooooh, I’ve had similar experiences to this! And it’s even worse when I wasn’t even:
    a) Smoking
    b) Drink coffee
    or c) Using my phone in some form or the other!

    And always afterwards I think of all the things I could’ve done…

    So, to either a) piss you off even more, or b) cheer you up, I tagged you in a meme!

    Ha hahaha haha hee hee hee he *sigh*

  17. Natalie says:

    What an idiot! I hate it when people are like that! What the hell!? I hope his boss googles his reg too! hee hee

  18. sweets says:

    oops… that sucks!!.. i have two cases of road rage, the first one i hooted at a guy that almost ran over a child… he got so mad he followed me… at a robot he pulled up next to me and screamed at me (while giving me the bird)

    “suig hom sussie, suig hom!”…

    mwhahahahahaha… the kids really enjoyed that… wanker… but it is quite funny 🙂 the other one i just lost it completely *sigh* dangerous stuff, road rage!