My Boy Has Astounded Me Yet Again.

A couple of times in fact!

His nose is unfortunately (and annoyingly) still bleeding… but not as badly as Sunday. I have yet to decide if I’m going to call the ENT or what yet… but thats not what I wanted to tell you.

A while ago, we were visiting my folks, and whilst I was inside the house doing whatever- Damien was on the veranda chatting to my mom whilst imbibing in a cigarette. Understand… Damien is not a big talker when it comes to actual face-to-face conversation, unless he initiates it ‘coz then it’s invariably something he’s into and excited about. So most of the time you get one word answers like “yes” “no” “cool” “fine”, and often just a grunt or an “uh huh”. Even our shrink has to ask just the right questions to get Damien to open up. This is not an issue to me at all- I’m just setting a “scene” so to speak.

On this particular night, they somehow got onto the subject of Damien’s father.

My mom did tell me how they got to talking about him- but I forget.

No worries.

Mommy darling told me a while later that she had asked Damien if it bothered him that he didn’t have a father that he knew, and if he had thought about meeting him one day. Damien was quiet for a long time, and that she was about to change the subject thinking he wanted to avoid it, when Damien replied and said he knew someone who had gone to find his father after being in a similar situation to the one Damien’s in. My knucklehead proceeded to tell my mommy darling how this guy had changed after the meeting. That he’d become sullen and depressed and argumentative (not Damien’s exact words). The kid Damien spoke about apparently never said as much- nothing was ever official- but Damien deduced that meeting his biological father had torn the kid up a lot more than anyone anticipated. It seems this has led Damien to decide, for now, that he doesn’t want to meet this father one day. At least not until Damien sees himself as a “grown up”…

These are the conversations I wish Damien would have with me… all too often when we have to talk about something he just sits and watches me talk- I’m not even sure if whatever I had to say has sunk in. I felt a twinge of jealousy that my mommy darling had heard Damien say those things and not me. But the level of insight he displayed when he spoke to my mommy darling surprised us both. He has obviously thought about this a lot more than he’s ever admitted to me.

Damien and I have often spoken about his father, about what happened between us, how much he looks like his father, that the man is married but still apparently childless, and how Damien seems to have so many of his father’s mannerisms (nature VS nurture eh!!?!). You see, all Damien’s life I have told him that when he turns 18 I will help him find his father if he wants to do so. Since his father and I not having any contact was a mutual decision, I am not prepared to let Damien make a choice like that before he is legally an adult. And we have spoken at length about various aspects of growing up without a father, and I have tried hard not to make the man an idol in Damien’s mind, nor to bad mouth him either. I want Damien to meet him with a realistic concept, to be able to make up his own mind one day- and my making out that he’s an asshole will only come back and bite me if Damien meets him and decides he isn’t one! It’s a very tricky line not to cross!!!

So the status quo remains.

And then the other way he stunned me, was to actually invite my Glugs to go with him to the next school LAN night! He’s never invited me, or even da Bruvva (who has always been his idol) and I am so very excited about this!!! I cannot tell you how excited because I don’t have the words to even explain it to myself yet!!!

~~doing the dance of joy in my office chair~~

11 thoughts on “My Boy Has Astounded Me Yet Again.

  1. Ange – this is such a beautiful post. Darling Damien is such a wonderful person (and I’ve met him so I can say that without being patronising in any way) and he really seems to be so mature!

    I think you need to just enjoy the fact that Glugs has made such an impression on him and sit back and pat yourself on the back for having such an awesome kid.

    Besides, don’t feel jealous about the LAN – don’t you know its uncool to do things with your mother? HELLO!

  2. Phillygirl: I am very proud, and thank you.

    The Jackson Files: aw that’s such a cool thing to say!

    sweets: thanx tjomma! You have a couple of awesome boys so you must be a rockin’ mom too!

    Arkwife: thanx! His nose didn’t bleed again today thank goodness…

    Wenchy: heh heh

    Elise: it is indeed an awesome feeling! Thank you for saying such wonderful things.
    Its funny you mention Kleenex… I must tell you all a story!

    Sometimes Saintly Nick: mwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaa

    Tamara: and I am so grateful he does!

  3. Teenage boys never talk to their parents about life stuff. It’s considered uncool. So don’t stress, I’m sure he’ll come right. At least he talks to someone trustworthy 😉

  4. Watch that celebration dancing in your office chair, Angel. I’ve turned those chairs over more than once.

  5. Congrats Angel, it must be a wonderful feeling to know that the two guys you love the most are getting along.

    Damien is very much like I was at his age. I never spoke to my parents about what I was thinking about. I found it easier to speak to my Grandmama.

    Don’t feel bad about it. He’s a mature young man and one day your both going to have the “bonding chat”.

    You’re a fantastic mother. It must have been difficult telling him about his father and trying to stay completely neutral about him.


    ps: I think kleenex are doing a special deal on tissues 😉

  6. Awe Angel….this couldn’t have been very easy. But I agree with Sweets…at least he’s talking to someone close to you both.

    Let us know when his nose finally stops bleeding. Good luck hun 🙂

  7. that is def awesome news about D inviting Glugs to the LAN night… wow!@!!!!

    my kids are also very involved with my parents… and they also share stuff with my mom that they don’t with me… i’ve come to accept it, it’s hard i know but at the end of the day thank God they have someone that they have to talk with… if for some reason they think they can’t talk to me…so i’m grateful for that…

    you rock Angel and so does D 😉

    stunning post!

  8. I love this post.

    As a single Mom to a little boy myself, it gives me great hope to read things like this.

    You’ve done a fantastic job raising Damien. You must be very proud of him.

  9. Wow, that’s some really mature thinking on his part 🙂 You must be very proud!

    And I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to keep an even keel re his dad, but I think you’re taking the right approach (tough as it may be).


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