A couple of times in fact!
His nose is unfortunately (and annoyingly) still bleeding… but not as badly as Sunday. I have yet to decide if I’m going to call the ENT or what yet… but thats not what I wanted to tell you.
A while ago, we were visiting my folks, and whilst I was inside the house doing whatever- Damien was on the veranda chatting to my mom whilst imbibing in a cigarette. Understand… Damien is not a big talker when it comes to actual face-to-face conversation, unless he initiates it ‘coz then it’s invariably something he’s into and excited about. So most of the time you get one word answers like “yes” “no” “cool” “fine”, and often just a grunt or an “uh huh”. Even our shrink has to ask just the right questions to get Damien to open up. This is not an issue to me at all- I’m just setting a “scene” so to speak.
On this particular night, they somehow got onto the subject of Damien’s father.
My mom did tell me how they got to talking about him- but I forget.
Mommy darling told me a while later that she had asked Damien if it bothered him that he didn’t have a father that he knew, and if he had thought about meeting him one day. Damien was quiet for a long time, and that she was about to change the subject thinking he wanted to avoid it, when Damien replied and said he knew someone who had gone to find his father after being in a similar situation to the one Damien’s in. My knucklehead proceeded to tell my mommy darling how this guy had changed after the meeting. That he’d become sullen and depressed and argumentative (not Damien’s exact words). The kid Damien spoke about apparently never said as much- nothing was ever official- but Damien deduced that meeting his biological father had torn the kid up a lot more than anyone anticipated. It seems this has led Damien to decide, for now, that he doesn’t want to meet this father one day. At least not until Damien sees himself as a “grown up”…
These are the conversations I wish Damien would have with me… all too often when we have to talk about something he just sits and watches me talk- I’m not even sure if whatever I had to say has sunk in. I felt a twinge of jealousy that my mommy darling had heard Damien say those things and not me. But the level of insight he displayed when he spoke to my mommy darling surprised us both. He has obviously thought about this a lot more than he’s ever admitted to me.
Damien and I have often spoken about his father, about what happened between us, how much he looks like his father, that the man is married but still apparently childless, and how Damien seems to have so many of his father’s mannerisms (nature VS nurture eh!!?!). You see, all Damien’s life I have told him that when he turns 18 I will help him find his father if he wants to do so. Since his father and I not having any contact was a mutual decision, I am not prepared to let Damien make a choice like that before he is legally an adult. And we have spoken at length about various aspects of growing up without a father, and I have tried hard not to make the man an idol in Damien’s mind, nor to bad mouth him either. I want Damien to meet him with a realistic concept, to be able to make up his own mind one day- and my making out that he’s an asshole will only come back and bite me if Damien meets him and decides he isn’t one! It’s a very tricky line not to cross!!!
So the status quo remains.
And then the other way he stunned me, was to actually invite my Glugs to go with him to the next school LAN night! He’s never invited me, or even da Bruvva (who has always been his idol) and I am so very excited about this!!! I cannot tell you how excited because I don’t have the words to even explain it to myself yet!!!
~~doing the dance of joy in my office chair~~