Oy…

I think the knucklehead thought I needed some excitement… like I look bored or something.
Last night when we retired upstairs… I mean, when we went to bed last night… I found a folded note next to my bed.
It started with the word “Mom”, which was crossed out several times.
The paragraph which followed- sans punctuation, as usual with Damien– said that he’d changed his mind and had decided not to go back to school next year, that he would find a job, buy his own groceries, his own toiletries and so on.
Now I must just tell you that when I fetched the knucklehead from my dad’s place- where he now goes every day after school- I could tell when he walked out the door that he was in a completely foul temper.
With no preamble, I asked if he’d fought with my daddy darling*, but he said no, and that he didn’t want to talk about it. I asked if he was sure, and he said yes. Then I took a chance and asked if he’d fought with one of his teachers or something, and he said no again, that it was the kids at school. Then reiterated that he didn’t want to talk about it.
I think I’ve mentioned before that he and I have an agreement that if one of us is grumpy or PMS-ing we are allowed to say we don’t want to talk, anyone remember that? Well yesterday was one of those days.
Finding the note took all the wind out of my sails, to say the very least.
I mulled it over and thought about it trying to think of an angle I could use to tackle this. I did nothing about it last night, deciding to wait till this evening after work.
When the knucklehead got in the car he was very chatty, and that’s Damien for “I know something’s up and I am trying to think of a way to ask you about it”. He was talking about how there’s a “Rudy’s Tattoos” in Centurion and maybe he could get work as an apprentice there, but didn’t know how he’d get there every day. You know, sorta skirting the subject…
When he turned the radio down I knew he’d decided to broach it. He asked if I’d received his note. I said yes, but that I’d rather wait till we got home to discuss it. He just said okay and left it there.
When we got home, we racked up the pool balls and we played a game of pool while we spoke. I only just beat him, but that’s beside the point.
I reminded him that going back and trying to finish was his decision, and that he couldn’t change his mind because he’s had a shitty couple of days.
I also told him that I didn’t appreciate the note, even if it is a form of communication… He knows he can talk to me about anything. And he knows that talking about it would have been kak, but necessary. So we spoke about his decision, and I reminded him that without at LEAST a grade 10 certificate, he’d battle to find even the most basic of employment- especially as a white guy in South Africa.
So the bottom line is, he is going back. He is going to get at least his grade 10 and maybe even finish if he really pulls finger.
I am, however, considering sending him to college to complete his high school diploma and then study further. A lot of ADHDers find the different world of the college to be a good thing and thrive. So I’m mulling it over. I haven’t mentioned it to the knucklehead as an option yet though…
That’s where we’re at now.

*which is never a good thing as they’re both over sensitive and they both have shoert tempers and they both sulk

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.

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21 Responses to Oy…

  1. Simply-Mel says:

    You are a remarkable mom Angel. Truly remarkable.

  2. supermom says:

    I don’t know how you do it.
    Like you say, he has to finish Grade 10 at least

  3. leez says:

    not that my opinion matters but I think yu really handled that tantrum well.

    I’ve said it before; I think thatthe best thing a parent can give a child is a decent education, even if he doesnt see it that way.

    An FET collefe is also a really good idea. Maybe a bridging course coupled with a fine arts diploma? jsut an idea…

  4. leez says:

    not that my opinion matters but I think yu really handled that tantrum well.

    I’ve said it before; I think thatthe best thing a parent can give a child is a decent education, even if he doesnt see it that way.

    An FET collefe is also a really good idea. Maybe a bridging course coupled with a fine arts diploma? jsut an idea…

  5. Michelle Hix says:

    You handled that really well. It sounds like he didn’t want to take a job, he just had a bad day and needed someone to take it out on.

  6. Malicious Intent says:

    Damn girl, you just cannot win here can you? Just keep plugging away…one day at a time. Has to be a tough time for him in his life. I wouldn’t want to go back to his age for anything, and handling ADHD to boot…pretty heavy. Your a good Mum, you guys will strike a balance somewhere.

  7. M@ says:

    No affirmative action for white guys in S.A.? LOL.

  8. Kingcover says:

    It does sound as if your little man is growing up quite quickly and trying to do mature things more and more. I’m sure you’re giving him credit for that and I’m also sure there was a REALLY good reason as to why he felt he needed to write a note to you instead of starting a verbal discussion with you. Boys are funny that way. Lol 😉

  9. Allan says:

    Wow. That was a tough note and a hard talk. Knucklehead’s a lucky boy to have such a good mom. I hope he does go to college and thrives there.

  10. JO says:

    I think that’s going to be my problem in a couple of years. So far, my ADDer still wants to go to school instead of staying home.

    http://www.joarduo.com

  11. c@th says:

    I have no idea how you do it. you are so strong and wonderful. no words X

  12. Sometimes Saintly Nick says:

    That’s not an easy situation. I like the college idea. It may be the best.

  13. angel says:

    phillygrl: i’m looking forward to it!

    meherenow: angel sucks her breath in through her teeth in sympathy i know where you’re coming from!
    strongs girl!

    candy: ag thanx candy… its been a long looong road! college may well be an option, and it is one i’m looking at.
    as for being honest- i just love getting it out of my head!

    exmi: lol, i won’t blow off that idea at all as he’s very interested in it.

  14. ExMi says:

    dude, you have to force him to get a proper education.

    even if he hates you for it, one day he will thank you.

    although the tattoo apprenticeship does sound good.

    my tattoo artist is completely dyslexic/ADD and is highly, highly successful, travelled the world, won many prizes for his work and is fucking stinking rich.

    so dont blow off that idea too soon…

  15. Candy Tothill says:

    You’re one hell of a good parent, Ang. Only good things can come from a relationship like yours and Damien’s.

    I know a lot of kids that are in college (Damelin, Eden, etc.), who just feel so much more comfortable in the less formal environment. So, agree that this may be a solution for you guys.

    The thing with leaving school so young, is that the world is a big place, and life is so long. Things change, perspective changes, desires change, moods change… and so it’s better to do what will give you the most options in life.

    I really admire your honesty on the web. I’m not brave enough to be this specific about my daily life. I love it though… I aspire to be able to do that… someday.

  16. MeHereNow says:

    Your relationship with your son is awe-inspiring,truly.

    I had the college/diploma conversation with my daughter yesterday (she’s 13!) She wants to go as “there’s not so much writing,more practical” to the qualification. I said no. She hates me right now. 🙁

  17. phillygirl says:

    sheesh Angel, sounds like things are hectic … am thinking of you & will see you Saturday 🙂

  18. angel says:

    tracy: lol… it took me a while to work out what you meant by your last sentence! its taken me years to get here tracy, and if i can help other adhder parents get to this point sooner then my mission will be almost fulfilled.

    e.c.: ag thanx my friend, frankly- i dunno how you do it either!

    tay: why thank you very much!

  19. Tay says:

    Full marks for the way you handled the situation Angel!

  20. Eternally Curious says:

    OY!

    I’m glad he’s agreed to going back.

    But …. well … OY!

    Hugs to you my friend. I’ve said it before but here it is again: I don’t know how you do it!

  21. ADD Tracy says:

    Gotta hand it to you sweetheart, I’d a blown my stack! you handled it with a great deal of tact and wisdom, well done yet again Momma!

    Your right about college being a whole new world to the ADHDer, but he may not see it until he is there.
    Don’t be discouraged if you have to scrap with him over this for 2 or maybe three more years, tho he ultimately has the final say, you wield more power than you know.

    Angel, for not being one of us, you sure have a heart and head to see us and I for one greatly appreciate all you do.

    Kudos!
    Tracy