I’m A Blogging Mom For Fargin’ Sure, Bunnies…

I’ve been working on this post for quite a while, and its been in my head even longer…
Has blogging changed you as a parent, changed your parenting style?
Perhaps not if your kidlets are still young, but I think it has changed me. For the better mostly…
See I learn life lessons when things are brought to my attention, when I am made conscious of them. Otherwise I just carry on regardless. And like most bloggers- I see a potential blog post in just about everything that happens around me!

Wait, hang on a second. Lemme lay it out for you so you can see where I’m coming from.

I was 17 when the knucklehead was born. I lived with my parents until Damien was four and a half, and my parents were- and still are- immensely helpful and supportive, without interfering. I am so SO blessed and lucky to have them as my parents! My mommy darling would ask if I needed help before taking Damien when I battled with him as a baby, my daddy darling would give Damien a talking to or something ONLY if I was desperate for someone to step in, or if I wasn’t around. I never once felt like I wasn’t Damien’s mother, and they never made me feel as if they thought I was incapable! But when it came to mothering, to actual parenting- I had a tendency to shout. I shouted and screamed instead of just talking. I have a vague idea of what I must have sounded like because I have heard myself in other moms… my parents mentioned it often, and for some reason I ignored them. Then the one evening after work Damien and I were having a screaming match and slamming doors and swearing, and my then neighbour lady (a divorcee with weekend access to her kids who drove me nuts, and with whom I shared a mutual dislike) knocked on my door and asked us please to keep quiet! I was mortified! I still shout occasionally, but I keep in mind what I must sound like and I try not to.
And when Damien was much younger, I developed a tendency to push him away when he tried to give me a hug or ask for a snuggle or something. It was always a “not now” thing. I knew I was doing it and I cannot tell you why I did it, and “people” obviously saw me doing it too… and one day my daddy darling brought it to my attention. He told me it made him heartsore to see me push the knucklehead away. He warned me- gently- that if I continued to push him away, he would stop asking for affection. That scared me more than a little, and when I couldn’t tell my dad why I was doing it- I stopped it.
I also told Damien to stop doing something, or said “no” to his asking for something, when I had absolutely no reason to do so. It took me a long time, but it occurred to me that it was something I had picked up from my dad when I was growing up. I literally said “no” or “stop it” to anything and everything, no matter how simple, and I often realised once I’d done it that there was no reason not to say “yes, okay”. I couldn’t tell you why, though I have an inkling it may have simply been a “power” thing… that I was in control! I managed to get myself out of it slowly by thinking before I answered him- or told him to stop doing something- by starting to logically think about Damien’s requests and my answer… if there was no real reason why he couldn’t do something, then I would make myself say “yes”, even when “no” was already on the tip of my tongue.

So what am I getting at?

Well, blogging about my life with Damien has made me stop and think about the way I handle things with him, because I want to come back here and tell the blogosphere what I did.
See, once I accepted he’d been diagnosed as an ADHDer and started trying to work a way through it I already started making changes to the way I parent him- but blogging about it has made more changes than I ever anticipated.
Wait, no- scratch that- I never anticipated any of the changes that blogging has made in my life.

Blogging about parenting the knucklehead has made me more aware of how I speak to him and about him. At one stage, I realised that all anyone ever heard from me about Damien was negative. So now I no longer talk about him much at all to others, except close friends and family, and people who know him for who he is. Even here- you guys don’t get to hear about every single argument or back chat. Some days it doesn’t seem to end!

Blogging has made me stop and think about the choices I make when I discipline Damien, and it has made me more open to actually asking for advice! And whilst I may not specifically ask for it in a post, I know I will more than likely be given advice when I post about an issue or a situation. And this advice has more than once opened up possibilities to me that I hadn’t thought of yet. As recently with his failing grade 10… I could see only 2 choices ahead of us for next year and further, but once I’d had input from my readers I started seeing windows in what I thought was a huge wall in front of me!
My conclusion? Blogging, and my blog readers, has made me a better mom.

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.

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13 Responses to I’m A Blogging Mom For Fargin’ Sure, Bunnies…

  1. Anonymous says:

    You are a wonderful mom – I admire your parenting of Damien and I am truly proud of you my precious! You are amazing and you are capable of handling anything life throws at you and Damien. I love you precious Angel!
    Mommy Darling

  2. Faerie says:

    well you know that fail of grade 10 is on him! ….

    OMG you wouldnt believe the turn around in S. She loves school now, is thinking of going to college, and is getting to take sign language :] … now she just needs a job she likes (job 2 she quit this morning)

  3. Cormac Brown says:

    Blogging does give everyone a certain amount of introspection and more importantly, I’m glad it helps you out and D out.

  4. Simply-Mel says:

    I hear ya.

    I started scrapping a coupla years before I started blogging and it had this effect on me.

    My scrapping is not pretty Christmas and birthday pages with flowers and buttons. Its often a very arb pic with a lot of journalling alongside that shares the heart of what is going on at that time.

    Blogging is my form of digi scrapping. And for sure, it forces me to examine my life in a way that makes me a better parent too.

    Except *wink* of course when I switch the tv on to keep em quiet so I can catch up on all my bloggy buds!

  5. harassedmomsramblings says:

    You are so so so right Angel!!!!

    I als scream – there arent really shouting matches but I do tend to yell! I am trying not to though!

    And through reading others experience I have also learned alot about how to deal better with my kids!!

  6. Darla says:

    That is a wonderful post. Blogging does make us change in so many ways. Like meeting a great structure made up of splendid people like you!

  7. Ruby says:

    I really liked this post:) It kinda made me stop and think a little about the comments I leave on other people’s blogs:)

    Good going:)
    Hugs!

  8. Jeanette says:

    Stunning post!
    I keep saying that i’ll stop my ramblings blog because it’s a lot of work having 2, but I like that outlet!

  9. Tamara says:

    Awesome post! I think blogging has helped me to deal with many issues too. Dunno what I’d do without it!

  10. Mommnats says:

    Ok so I’m still new at this blogging business but what you wrote made me realise…shit I’ve been missing out!

    So I read you like cupcakes, add me to your fanclub. I think they are orgasmic and they are the perfect proverbial “handful”!!

  11. Gill says:

    I think that is absolutely wonderful. Blogging affects our lives in so many unexpected ways doesn’t it?!

  12. Louisa says:

    Lovely post angel, I wish all mothers could have such a level headed way of looking at things like you do.

  13. Tay says:

    What a beautiful post Angel! I think you are an awesome mom and hope to take a leaf out of your book when my turn comes 🙂