A Letter From My Incredible Mommy Darling

My apologies to those who found this in their readers a day early… My mom sent this to her family yesterday.

Hi all,
I write this to ask you all for a big, big offering – an offering of love, support and understanding for Angel and Damien and also Donovan.
HOW YOU ASK – through research and study of ADD/ADHD. We have not been nearly supportive enough over the years.
We have all been totally ignorant of the real facts and in denial of this disability – which it is – A DISABILITY.
ADD/ ADHD children and adults are known as ADDERS.
Read up about it anywhere, in books and on the internet. You will see that ADHD is a defect in the brain. A DISABILITY to be able function normally.
PEOPLE DO NOT OUTGROW IT WITH PUBERTY – like all disabilities it needs treatment until death.
WE CANNOT SEE IT – so these ADDERS are not recognised as needing special help and care.
WE DO NOT RECOGNISE IT – so the parents do not get support from the education departments and most importantly, family etc.
WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND OR WANT TO ACCEPT IT – and this is possibly the worst attitude ever! ADDERS are not naughty kids. They undergo stringent medical tests before being diagnosed. Some cases are worse than others. It is NOT a social disease of our times – ADDER children and adults have been diagnosed and successfully treated for decades – but not socially accepted.
IT IS SO LONELY FOR THE ADDER PARENTS
Parents of ADDERS are judged and criticised for their ADDER’S behaviour and responses – a parent with a physically handicapped child is not.
ADDER parents are blamed for their child’s faults – but physically handicapped parents are not.
The ADDER child is often ostracised, lonely and misunderstood making them behave irrationally to get acceptance and be loved – parents of physically handicapped children get many forms of love and support (and pity) from all walks of life.
ADDER parents have astronomical expenses for special schools and meds – just like parents of physically handicapped children.
Because there disability is not visible ADDERS and their families are not recognised as needing empathy and support.
THE EDUCATION DEPARTMENT is sadly uneducated regarding understanding ADDERS. I attended a seminar at WITS 2 years ago and was disappointed by the lack of representation by the education department and professional sector.
When I log onto the web and search for anything on ADDERS and I come across and article with the heading:
If he outgrew ADD why is he in my prison?
My heart sinks in despair. want shake everyone and wake them up!
When I attend a seminar and man in his fifties tells us how his life changed when he finally was diagnosed as an ADDER I want to get all the sceptics in that hall to hear his testimony.
ADD/ADHD IS VERY, VERY REAL.
IT IS A DISABILITY – A HANDICAP.
PARENTS NEED SUPPORT AND ADDERS NEED UNDERSTANDING.
SOCIETY NEEDS EDUCATING.
FAMILIES NEED TO STUDY IT AND BE MORE SYMPATHETIC.
TEACHERS NEED COMPREHENSIVE TRAINING TO WORK IN THE SPECIAL SCHOOLS.
I have been ignorant and blind for 18 years – in denial. He was just a naughty little boy. Cute, beautiful and charming. All he needed was firmer discipline. His mommy was just too concerned to see that. Boy! Was I ever wrong!
Ritalin was just another drug dished out to naughty children without the proper tests or control during treatment. That was probably the only area I was correct in.
My daughter ran herself ragged for years in search of a child psychologist, remedial therapist, ANYONE who could help her child. She searched the whole of South Africa on the internet for support groups to no avail.
I realise only now what hell she went through – with none of the proper support and sympathy from her loved ones. After many years of emotional roller coasting and heart ache she finally found the doctor who had a passion for ADDERS and an understanding of controlled treatment. Finally!
In the meantime her child became a victim of criticism and ridicule everywhere. His above average IQ is masked under his veneer of attention seeking antics which lead him into trouble and more criticism. This amazing young man possesses so much potential. He is such a lovely person. Under all his devious attention seeking antics is a wonderful guy!
There is a good side to their years of suffering – they have together paved the way to help others with young ADDERS and my daughters together can support each other and others to understand their ADDERS at their very individual levels of being ADDERS.
There is a song that moves me to tears always because of the ADDERS. It could be written just for my precious ADDERS. Its from the Sound of Music. Read the words and apply them to the ADDERS you know – boys and girls, old and young – maybe it will give you a better understanding of their bouncing brains and emotions ……
She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee,
Her dress has got a tear.
She waltzes on her way to mass
And whistles on the stair.
And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair!
Maria’s not an asset to the abbey.
She’s always late for chapel,
But her penitence is real.
She’s always late for everything,
Except for every meal.
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel –
Maria’s not an asset to the abbey!
I’d like to say a word in her behalf.
Maria makes me laugh!
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and bring it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertigibbet!
A will o’ the wisp!
A clown!
Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand.
But how do you make her stay and listen to all you say,
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
When I’m with her I’m confused,
Out of focus and bemused,
And I never know exactly where I am.
Unpredictable as weather,
She’s as flighty as a feather,
She’s a darling,
She’s a demon,
She’s a lamb.
She’d out-pester any pest,
Drive a hornet from his nest,
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl.
She is gentle,
She is wild,
She’s a riddle.
She’s a child.
She’s a headache!
She’s an angel!
She’s a girl.
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a clown and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertigibbet!
A will o’ the wisp!
A clown!
Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand.
But how do you make her say,
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

Another Night From Hell…

How bad?
Well, my eyes are still puffy more than 12 hours later, and all the crying has induced a sinusitis attack.
Fan-friggin-tastic.

We’re pretty much speaking again.

What would I do without my Glugster…

Ooh… edited to add: I am actually glad that I am not pregnant right now. Seriously. I would hate to imagine what any baby would be going through with me in such a state all the time… I half wonder if maybe God knew what was coming, and has postponed any baby till we get over this?

It’s Torture I Tell You

This whole me-not-talking-to-Damien thing.
I cried myself to sleep last night because I didn’t tell him I love him yesterday. I didn’t tell him today yet either. Make no mistake- I know he knows I love him, but I always worry about what the last thing was that I said to him…
He doesn’t seem to notice. He knows that I am upset/ angry/ PMSing/ irrational, but doesn’t seem to realise its him. I got growled at again when I woke him this morning, and he is deliberately trying to push me into letting him stay home instead of going to my daddy darling in the daytime.
I have spoken to him in terms of giving him instructions, but I have not made any kind of conversation.
He still uses a totally shirty tone of voice with me.
And I can rehearse the platitudes in my sleep by now… but I don’t want him to appreciate me “one day”, I want it now. I don’t want him to gush. I just want a modicum of what I am seriously feeling like I am owed.
I don’t want him to thank me “one day”, I want him to know it now.
I don’t want to have to wait till “one day” in the future before he realises how much his lack of respect for me hurts me.
I want to tell him what’s going on, because I know he doesn’t get it. But I don’t want to talk to him because if I do he decides everything is fine again.
I thought about writing him a letter… but it’s so hard to get the right tone in a letter that I am afraid he will totally misinterpret it.
And I worry because it’s so easy never to talk to someone again. It becomes a habit, and it gets harder and harder to suck it up and talk to each other about it.
I think that without my darling Glugs I may well have curled into a little ball a week ago and just stayed that way!
He held me all night. He doesn’t say anything, he is just there.
He gets angry with me when I talk about the school or Damien or whatever’s bugging me- but he gets angry with the right people and for the right reasons. Instead of developing a dislike for Damien and his irrational behaviour- as has happened with other people in the past- he gets pissed at the school with me for not helping us deal with it sooner!

Starting A Band, Baby, Starting A Band…

Here’s some fluff while I try and work through my current semi-self-imposed emotional torture…

This one is a tag from Louisa. I vaguely remember doing something like this a while ago, and I sent it to a few of my colleagues and they had a wonderful time with it too! It works like this…
Go to Wikipedia random and the first Wikipedia article you get is your band name! Go to the random Quotations Page and the last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album. Then go to Flickr’s last 7 days and the third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover. Use Photoshop or some such similar program to put it all together. Post it to your blog and tag the friends you want to join in.

Pretty freaky how mine turned out eh?

Feel free to participate… I’m too tired to tag anyone!

I Can’t Fargin Win!

The knucklehead’s second test came back negative. I was suprised, but his doctor said its possible if he hasn’t smoked at all since his first test. And I’m pretty sure its his sample and not someone elses… and we’ll still be testing for a few weeks, and then random testing after that. He’s a little upset right now because his best friend J has been having a hard time as well- and the two of them seem to balance each other out a bit. He’s also miffed because I wouldn’t let him make plans to go on a date last Saturday with his new girlfriend. He is suspended from school- but expected me to let him go on a date because he’s been good since he got busted. And he “asked” me three times if he could go, as in “…but why can’t I go!!?!” with all the appropriate whining…
Oh, wait- sorry- whining is appropriate if you’re 5 years old…

And now with the THC out of his system he has no excuse to be a son-of-a-bitch.
But thats not happening.

One time this weekend I was looking at him and he said “WHAT!” and I answered with “I love you!” He spat it back at me like a pissed off feral cat, so I asked- in a perfectly civil and light tone of voice- if it would kill him to at least be nice to me. He retorted with “would it kill you to let me go on my date?!
Hah.
I nearly replied, but I simply walked back upstairs and left it hanging there like a guillotine blade.
Anyhoodle.
He has been working pretty hard to stay in mine and Glugster’s good books too. Packing the dishwasher without being asked to do so. Emptying the dustbin and replacing the bag without being nagged. Actually trying to catch up on his school work. He’s behaved himself for my folks as well.
But when it comes to him and I- he cannot even be a little curteous. I get growled at when I wake him up, and this morning was a prime example. I had to go and call him three times with him grunting and asking to stay home because he been “…clean for so long“!
Yeah right. Its been a week.
He slammed his door.
He barely managed to say goodbye to me when I dropped him off, already having vipped* when I told him earlier to turn his iPOD down because I could hear it even over the car radio. He tells me- not asks me, TELLS me- to turn the radio down. I said no, it wasn’t even turned up! But get this- da Bruvva opened the gate for him when I dropped him off and he was all smiles!
Have you ever wanted to tell your own child to fuck right off!?!??!?
I couldn’t believe it!
I mean, I know he manages to be civil to most people because he has friends, and most people like having him around- so why the fuck can he not manage to even pretend to like me!??!

I’m not going to speak to him again. Not till I think he can be polite. I’m not expecting too much, and I’m not getting it.
I know it sounds childish and petty, but I am tired of trying to be polite and civil and make conversation and getting fuck all in return unless he wants something.

*an indescribable but very appropriate afrikaans word…