It’s Torture I Tell You

This whole me-not-talking-to-Damien thing.
I cried myself to sleep last night because I didn’t tell him I love him yesterday. I didn’t tell him today yet either. Make no mistake- I know he knows I love him, but I always worry about what the last thing was that I said to him…
He doesn’t seem to notice. He knows that I am upset/ angry/ PMSing/ irrational, but doesn’t seem to realise its him. I got growled at again when I woke him this morning, and he is deliberately trying to push me into letting him stay home instead of going to my daddy darling in the daytime.
I have spoken to him in terms of giving him instructions, but I have not made any kind of conversation.
He still uses a totally shirty tone of voice with me.
And I can rehearse the platitudes in my sleep by now… but I don’t want him to appreciate me “one day”, I want it now. I don’t want him to gush. I just want a modicum of what I am seriously feeling like I am owed.
I don’t want him to thank me “one day”, I want him to know it now.
I don’t want to have to wait till “one day” in the future before he realises how much his lack of respect for me hurts me.
I want to tell him what’s going on, because I know he doesn’t get it. But I don’t want to talk to him because if I do he decides everything is fine again.
I thought about writing him a letter… but it’s so hard to get the right tone in a letter that I am afraid he will totally misinterpret it.
And I worry because it’s so easy never to talk to someone again. It becomes a habit, and it gets harder and harder to suck it up and talk to each other about it.
I think that without my darling Glugs I may well have curled into a little ball a week ago and just stayed that way!
He held me all night. He doesn’t say anything, he is just there.
He gets angry with me when I talk about the school or Damien or whatever’s bugging me- but he gets angry with the right people and for the right reasons. Instead of developing a dislike for Damien and his irrational behaviour- as has happened with other people in the past- he gets pissed at the school with me for not helping us deal with it sooner!

10 thoughts on “It’s Torture I Tell You

  1. I am so glad you have Glug. It’s awesome when your loved one gets angry at the right people for you 😉

  2. I dont know Angel..
    Its a really tough spot.. and being ADHD he is prone to apathy and the wrong crowd.

    You may have tried everything and he still shows no real respect for who you are and what you do. But dont give up on him yet.. he loves you.. he just isnt able to articulate it yet…

    So just hang in there.. dont give up.. that is the one thing we as parents must never do.. is give up.
    However, Make no concessions for his behaviour… remind him that just because he is ADHD does not give him special consideration in this world..as a matter of truth it is the opposite.. he needs to work harder than all the other kids out there.

    I know how tough it is.. i live it everyday.. has made me a hard mom.. in many ways.. but I try temper it with jokes.. laughing and loads of hugs and kisses..

    I am here for you if you need it…

  3. I agree with Malicious.

    You have made your point. Time to talk again. On your terms. Your questions.

    You will get through this.

  4. Glugster is a real catch. That man worships the ground you walk on. Being a teenager is very difficult if I remember correctly. I’m sure he notices you’re not speaking to him – he’s just too stubborn to say anything or give way first. You both love each other – it will work itself out.

    *hugs* Strongs to you.

  5. Awwwwwwwwwww…honey. I don’t usually do this, but (((((HUGS))))).

    (BTW, this tough stuff makes me cry every time I read it, I hope so hard that it gets better for you soon.)

  6. yeah maybe a straight up, pleasant, but blunt talk with him might yield some answers.Just tell him you are trying to understand him better.
    See if that works.
    Silence never works, for long.

  7. Have you asked Damien why he did the drugs including growing them etc and if so, what was his answer?

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