A Letter From My Incredible Mommy Darling

My apologies to those who found this in their readers a day early… My mom sent this to her family yesterday.

Hi all,
I write this to ask you all for a big, big offering – an offering of love, support and understanding for Angel and Damien and also Donovan.
HOW YOU ASK – through research and study of ADD/ADHD. We have not been nearly supportive enough over the years.
We have all been totally ignorant of the real facts and in denial of this disability – which it is – A DISABILITY.
ADD/ ADHD children and adults are known as ADDERS.
Read up about it anywhere, in books and on the internet. You will see that ADHD is a defect in the brain. A DISABILITY to be able function normally.
PEOPLE DO NOT OUTGROW IT WITH PUBERTY – like all disabilities it needs treatment until death.
WE CANNOT SEE IT – so these ADDERS are not recognised as needing special help and care.
WE DO NOT RECOGNISE IT – so the parents do not get support from the education departments and most importantly, family etc.
WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND OR WANT TO ACCEPT IT – and this is possibly the worst attitude ever! ADDERS are not naughty kids. They undergo stringent medical tests before being diagnosed. Some cases are worse than others. It is NOT a social disease of our times – ADDER children and adults have been diagnosed and successfully treated for decades – but not socially accepted.
IT IS SO LONELY FOR THE ADDER PARENTS
Parents of ADDERS are judged and criticised for their ADDER’S behaviour and responses – a parent with a physically handicapped child is not.
ADDER parents are blamed for their child’s faults – but physically handicapped parents are not.
The ADDER child is often ostracised, lonely and misunderstood making them behave irrationally to get acceptance and be loved – parents of physically handicapped children get many forms of love and support (and pity) from all walks of life.
ADDER parents have astronomical expenses for special schools and meds – just like parents of physically handicapped children.
Because there disability is not visible ADDERS and their families are not recognised as needing empathy and support.
THE EDUCATION DEPARTMENT is sadly uneducated regarding understanding ADDERS. I attended a seminar at WITS 2 years ago and was disappointed by the lack of representation by the education department and professional sector.
When I log onto the web and search for anything on ADDERS and I come across and article with the heading:
If he outgrew ADD why is he in my prison?
My heart sinks in despair. want shake everyone and wake them up!
When I attend a seminar and man in his fifties tells us how his life changed when he finally was diagnosed as an ADDER I want to get all the sceptics in that hall to hear his testimony.
ADD/ADHD IS VERY, VERY REAL.
IT IS A DISABILITY – A HANDICAP.
PARENTS NEED SUPPORT AND ADDERS NEED UNDERSTANDING.
SOCIETY NEEDS EDUCATING.
FAMILIES NEED TO STUDY IT AND BE MORE SYMPATHETIC.
TEACHERS NEED COMPREHENSIVE TRAINING TO WORK IN THE SPECIAL SCHOOLS.
I have been ignorant and blind for 18 years – in denial. He was just a naughty little boy. Cute, beautiful and charming. All he needed was firmer discipline. His mommy was just too concerned to see that. Boy! Was I ever wrong!
Ritalin was just another drug dished out to naughty children without the proper tests or control during treatment. That was probably the only area I was correct in.
My daughter ran herself ragged for years in search of a child psychologist, remedial therapist, ANYONE who could help her child. She searched the whole of South Africa on the internet for support groups to no avail.
I realise only now what hell she went through – with none of the proper support and sympathy from her loved ones. After many years of emotional roller coasting and heart ache she finally found the doctor who had a passion for ADDERS and an understanding of controlled treatment. Finally!
In the meantime her child became a victim of criticism and ridicule everywhere. His above average IQ is masked under his veneer of attention seeking antics which lead him into trouble and more criticism. This amazing young man possesses so much potential. He is such a lovely person. Under all his devious attention seeking antics is a wonderful guy!
There is a good side to their years of suffering – they have together paved the way to help others with young ADDERS and my daughters together can support each other and others to understand their ADDERS at their very individual levels of being ADDERS.
There is a song that moves me to tears always because of the ADDERS. It could be written just for my precious ADDERS. Its from the Sound of Music. Read the words and apply them to the ADDERS you know – boys and girls, old and young – maybe it will give you a better understanding of their bouncing brains and emotions ……
She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee,
Her dress has got a tear.
She waltzes on her way to mass
And whistles on the stair.
And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair!
Maria’s not an asset to the abbey.
She’s always late for chapel,
But her penitence is real.
She’s always late for everything,
Except for every meal.
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel –
Maria’s not an asset to the abbey!
I’d like to say a word in her behalf.
Maria makes me laugh!
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and bring it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertigibbet!
A will o’ the wisp!
A clown!
Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand.
But how do you make her stay and listen to all you say,
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
When I’m with her I’m confused,
Out of focus and bemused,
And I never know exactly where I am.
Unpredictable as weather,
She’s as flighty as a feather,
She’s a darling,
She’s a demon,
She’s a lamb.
She’d out-pester any pest,
Drive a hornet from his nest,
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl.
She is gentle,
She is wild,
She’s a riddle.
She’s a child.
She’s a headache!
She’s an angel!
She’s a girl.
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a clown and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertigibbet!
A will o’ the wisp!
A clown!
Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand.
But how do you make her say,
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

1 thought on “A Letter From My Incredible Mommy Darling

  1. wenchy: innit just!!?!

    acidicice: thanx sweetie, its not necessarily that its become prevalent- its that people are talking about it more and being more open to being diagnosed.

    maggie: hello new visitor- and thank you so much!

    becauseican: 😀

    spear: i think so too!

    meherenow: and thank you.

    s.s.n. & muriel: how lucky am i!!?

    mel: i dunno mel… maybe never. hugs girl!

  2. Moms just rock, you are very blessed. Mine is going for chemo number 4 on Tuesday and I am just gutted again. I cannot handle her going through this shit and it makes me cry and then I want my mom but I need to be strong for her and not needy and it SUCKS. When we gonna grow up and need them less?

  3. Wow. As late in the day as this letter is in your life with Damien I sincerley hope your family read it thoroughly and do as Mom tells them. Support,as you have found through Glugs,is the best anyone,other than the-powers-that-be,can give you.

    ((big hugs)) to you and your Mom and may your path not be so lonely from now on. XXXX
    Thank you for sharing.

  4. I’ve only read the first sentence and I’ve well ed up . . . I’ll be back when I’ve read the rest!

  5. This was so touching. I’ve always loved that song, but will never hear it the same way again.
    Thank you for the ‘education’ on ADD’ers. It is terrible that it is a condition that is so misunderstood by society. Best of luck with patching things up with your ‘Knucklehead’.

  6. I <3 The Sound of Music.

    I am glad that you now have your mother to support you, as she said it must have been very difficult for you with no understanding or support from your family.

    ADHD seems to have become very prevalent…I hear about it all the time, but that doesn't mean I understand it! I'm glad to know you and glad you are trying to make a difference by raising awareness. Well done girl!

  7. Parents of ADDERS are judged and criticised for their ADDER’S behaviour and responses –

    That is so true!

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