I work fairly hard at maintaining relationships. It sounds kak to say I work at them, but that’s pretty much what it is. It’s fairly easy with friends and family because I love them and I want to keep contact with them.
And no need to panic, I’m not going to go into my life with my darling Glugster… ‘coz that’s hardly work at all. I think it may be illegal in some countries to be this happy in love. Sorry to disappoint you if that’s what you thought I was going to go on about…
Lemme give you an example of how I “work” at relationships.
To start with, I have scheduled reminders in my cellphone for specific phone calls.
I call my brother on a Tuesday, I call my daddy darling on a Wednesday, and I call my sisters B and C on a Thursday. I call my bestest best friend in Australia every Sunday. I don’t have reminders for my mommy darling because I phone her several times a week.
I call da Bruvva and my sisters because I don’t see much of them. And yes, I know I see a lot more of them than a lot of families see of each other. But we’re grownups with relationships and jobs and families that take up our time, and I call them because several “funny” emails and traded text messages a week is not enough for me. I want to know how they are and how the kids are and how work/ life/ the universe is treating them.
I call my daddy darling because he isn’t online like the rest of us, and just because I speak to my mommy darling several times a week doesn’t mean my daddy darling feels like he’s in touch. He also likes to be in contact. I also phone my granny darling every now and then, though I don’t have a scheduled reminder for that.
These are the easy relationships to maintain.
I also contact my friends on a regular basis. I am lucky enough to have daily contact with a lot of my friends through Twitter, FB and blogging- and the ones I don’t speak to daily I email or send text messages to regularly. I even have a weekly “newsletter” that I sent to my non-blogging friends and family every Monday (which I admit has fallen a bit by the wayside in the last month or so, so maybe I should say I “had” a newsletter).
These are also easy relationships to maintain because they are reciprocal. I might not hear from them as often as they hear from me- but I do hear from them.
Yes okay, I know, I’m high maintenance and attention hungry. You all know I’m a comment slut anyway so that shouldn’t be a surprise.
Then there are the ADHDer families that I “mentor”. I also email or text them on a regular basis. If I haven’t heard from them for a while, then I assume their rollercoasters are coasting gently up hill, and all is well. I just want to let them know that I think of them often and that they are more than welcome to contact me if their rollercoaster does start screaming downhill all of a sudden! I also send them interesting tidbits I may find about developments in the ADHDer world, or events they might like to attend.
And I have four godchildren.
My BBF’s two boys- R and D who are now down under, my sister B’s eldest- M, and my Aunt M’s daughter- K.
I see my nephew M quite often, and he’s 16 and not really interested in grownups so I’m not terribly worried about him. He gets a little bit of pocket money from me every month, which I increase every year just before his birthday instead of giving him a gift. He’s very money savvy too. He’s saved up his money and bought himself something he wants quite a few times.
I have also been putting money into my goddaughter’s bank account since she was a baby, because she lives in KZN and I don’t see her very often at all. I also used to phone her every month, just to speak to her- so she’d know who I am. I haven’t done that in ages… but what gets to me, and gets under my skin, is that I never hear from her! I know she’s too young to think of things like that herself. I mean, she’s in grade one and all she can think of is horse riding school friends- but I would expect her mom, my aunt M, to think that far.
Am I being unreasonable?
I mean, I’m not her benefactor. I’m not putting her through school. But I don’t think I’m going completely overboard when I expect a little effort from their side…?
…come play on my rollercoaster…