Single Mom Support

I think most people know I had my Damien when I was 17 years old? Well, because of this, supporting young moms is something I try to do whenever I get the chance- especially if they’re single- which they usually are in their teens. I was a teen mom, I was a single mom, and I know how long and hard that road is.

 

Now, before any of you get your soapboxes out from under the bed- I KNOW teen moms are not suffering from an illness or disorder, and that teen pregnancies can be prevented- I’m not going to debate that here.

The truth is that teenage girls are having babies despite people trying to educate them about sex and the dangers of STDs.

 

I found out recently- through a contact who also was a single mom- that a wonderful woman named Laura (how’s that for a coincidence, eh) is starting a support group at a high school for the many teen moms and the girls who are currently pregnant in the school! This is the first time I’ve heard of something like this being done, since most people are still determined to hide this issue, and I think its fargin fantastic!!

I know a LOT of single moms, in fact I think I could name 10 off the top of my head- some of whom are technically and gloriously no longer single 🙂 – but thats besides the point. As someone once said to me, its a club you never lose your membership to, its a title you never lose.

As single moms, we support each other. We’re there at the drop of a hat if one of us calls for help. We fetch and carry when we can, bring wine when its needed, make phone calls, send text messages checking up on each other, and call in the troops when it’s necessary.

What I want to do with this here post is call on the single mothers I know in the blogosphere for advice and support on issues that single moms face.

Laura would like to have topics to discuss with these teen moms, to try and help them through parenting. Perhaps you have suggestions on issues single moms face, and how these young moms can get around them or deal with them?

 

I’ll give you an example. Something I could never get used to as a teen mom- and a young mom- was that people never took me seriously as a mother. They always asked where Damien’s father was, and often assumed I was his big sister and asked where his parents were! And something else I battled with as a single mom was allowing a romantic interest “in”…

 

What suggestions do you have that Laura can turn into a “lesson” of sorts for these young moms?

24 thoughts on “Single Mom Support

  1. Hi there Im a 26year old mother of a 6year old and a 3month old. I left school when I was 15years because of some cercomstances at school and at home. I met the father of my children when I was 16years and lied about my age. When I turned 18 I told him the truth and funny enough he was okay with it, he was 30years at the time. I was living on the streets at the time and he gave me a home and food.But then it all changed and he got more obsessed with me and jealous. He didnt want me to work and I had to stay at home all the time. I got bored sometimes and got a waitressing job and he would get furious and jealous and would accuse me of cheating all the time. Then he made me pregnant after being with him for 2 years. It felt like he lost control over me and started to look for ways to keep me at home and making me pregnant was one of them. We even moved in with his family, and there was always someone home doesnt matter what time of the day it was and if I made one move he would know about it. ANYWAY long story short. We have been together for almost 10years and the virble and imotional abuse have just gotten worse over the years and I have just had enough. Some people think I’m living a good life, the fact that i have a bf thats looking after me and my kids, but they don’t see all thats going on under our roof. I have had enough and I have no more love for this man because he has become more like a father figure to me then anything else. I don’t have much experience because I have never realy been allowed to go and work but I have done a course with DAMELIN. There ICDL- International Computer Driver License. So I am Qualified to be a secratary job or something in that line, even just filling or a small job to get me started to prove myself will be okay. I dont even care how much it pays aslong as I can get away from this person. So if you know of any thing please let me know. I just want to start my life over with my children and I know I’m not the only one with this problem. But please I need to get out of this relationship before something bad happens to me or my children

  2. Hi everyone
    I really feel for all teenage Mom’s out there. I am a teacher and I have also started a support group at my school for all the pregnant girls there. I must say it feels great knowing that I can help them.
    I dont want to be “another” person bad-mouthing them telling them that they’re crap, etc. I must say that the pregnancy crisis centre in East London has helped me a heck of alot. Get your friend to contact a PCC in her area and let her just be the contact at the school. They have trained counsellors to deal with the girls and in most cases they can also assist with baby clothes, maternity wear, prams etc. as they get all these from donations made to the centre.

    They really do a world of good.
    Wishing you and your friend all the best.
    Mwah

  3. Dankie vir die woorde. Ek bak graag maar het besluit om by ‘n singel ma groep aan te sluit en miskien kan ek vir hulle bak. Ek geniet dit baie vir ‘n kind se verjaarsdag of sommer net. Dankie vir jou raad.

  4. Hi Chantell. Ek weet dis moeilik veral as jy so min tyd het om met jou kinders te spandeer. Dit laat ‘n mens voel as of jy hulle afskep, veral as die Pa nie belangstel. Ons almal weet dis nie die geval nie. Jy moet iets doen wat jou better laat voel en wat jy laat voel as of jy van waarde is vir ander mense – stokpertjies soos bak ens is ‘n wins – probeer om gled daarvan te maak as jy kan – dan sal dit ook vir jou moed gee om voor te gaan, en miskien op die ou-einde, kan dit ‘n jou onafhanklik maak en darem bydra na die onkostes – kinders se goed is duur, as is die res van die goed in die lewe. Sterkte!

  5. Ek is ‘n singel ma met twee kinders, 5 en 7. Ek het my eerste kind op 22 gehaad. Ek is nou aleen vir die laaste 6 maande en ek weet nie hoe om met die aleen te deel nie. Die pa help glad nie. Ek werk 6 dae ‘n week en sien my kinders baie min. Ek voel net baie aleen waneer hulle gaan slaap of op hulle eie wil speel. Ek lees boek en bak maar ek voel net aleen. Wat maak ek?

  6. Hi there, I am a single mom, but, somewhat older than the average, (47 – my eldest is 21 years; my youngest – just 1 month old) but single and a mom none the less. There are massive challenges to all single parents out there and I would like to establish a “home” for single parents – no, not in the same category as one may put abandoned pets or older people – I have something completely different in mind. If you have the time, please could you drop me a mail if you have any interest in getting involved? Many thanks and cheers for now!

  7. Hi recently i found out that i am pregnant. i am only 18 yrs old and i am very scared to tell my parents. i have come up with the most ridiculous ideas to hide the pregnancy but i guess i just need some friendly advice. My boyfriend and i are getting married next month and then again to, i am not going to tell my parents because i no that they would not accept it. I really do want to keep the baby!!!

  8. This is a brilliant idea and such wonderful advice here from everyone. I also don’t really feel qualified to offer much more, except to say that I would think the core of a group like this should be to make the girls feel good about themselves; to give them strength to go out and face the world. It’s ridiculous that there are still people who are so judgemental about young single mothers. Accidents happen. So that, and then of course all the practical stuff that everyone has said already! 🙂
    .-= Terri´s last blog ..All in Good Time =-.

  9. I love this idea and I would love to get involved should your friend need any help!

    One of the biggest issues for me was, forgiving myself for falling pregnant. I battled with feelings of guilt and shame. It has taken me a really long time to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t ready and that there may be people out there that could have given my kid more – but that we are okay. We are managing and we are going to fine.
    .-= Alet´s last blog ..Enjoying Real Life =-.

  10. What a fantastic initiative. I do not have any pearls of wisdom regarding being a young single mom however I do know how scary it is to have a baby when you aren’t ready for it.
    The biggest problem with it is the fact that when you are a teenager you can barely make choices for yourself nevermind a whole other person and therefore you allow others to make decisions for you and sometimes they aren’t in your best interest.
    So just don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed and rushed into decisions, take a moment and know that there is no wrong choice there is just your choice..
    .-= Briget´s last blog ..Blame.. =-.

  11. #1 Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
    #2 Keep your medical coverage current.
    #3 Always pay your child care provider on time.
    #4 Be your child’s cheerleader, advocate and biggest fan. Teach them positive affirmations through example and remind them how valuable and lovable they are every day.
    #5 Get your sleep and care for yourself, nurture yourself and never underestimate the power of a bubble bath, candles and nice music.
    #6 Create a “God Box” or “Angel Box” with your child(ren). Make one for yourself as well. Anytime you feel overwhelmed or frustrated, write the problem on a small piece of paper and turn it over by placing it in the box and letting it go forever.
    #7 Don’t take yourself or your kids too seriously, ask yourself how important this will be 20 years from now.
    #8 Join a 12 step program. ALANON is for anyone who knows an alcoholic and we ALL know an alcoholic. The people in 12 step programs are generally very kind and supportive. Plus they expect nothing in return.
    #9 find something you can share with each child thats special to them. Acting in a local theater, music, painting, making mud-pies or cupcakes.
    #10 BITE YOUR TONGUE.
    Remember the acronym H.A.L.T.S.
    Hungry
    Angry
    Lonely
    Tired
    Sick
    It is very easy to say things to kids when were not at our best. Once spoken, words can’t be taken back and irreversible harm may be done.
    #11. Screw perfecting the housework. Keep your priorities focused on the living and don’t worry about what “other people” think. Not even your parents.
    #12 Don’t spread yourself to thin (easy to say, hard to do,) but bedtime stories are important.
    #13 Remember the world has gotten much smaller with the internet, use it. Become a member on a forum with like minded single parents. It’s amazing how much comfort someone across the planet can bring. Angel is an excellent example.
    #14 To have friends, you need to be a friend. Cultivate those friendships that make you feel happy. Find friends at church, parks, school and online.
    #15 Simply do your best and don’t judge yourself harshly, your a miracle and your everything to your kids.

  12. I think it’s important to learn how to respond to people who tut tut about a child growing up without a father. Especially if they have a boy. Perhaps they need to have a discussion about how families come in all shapes and sizes and what’s important is not the gender make up of a so called “traditional family” but the values you instil in your children from a very early age. I guess they need to have a discussion about not feeling bad or inadequate about being single. Maybe show the successful single mothers etc. I don’t know, maybe this is a bit of a mind dump. But hopefully you get what I mean.
    .-= The Jackson Files´s last blog ..Keeping it classy =-.

  13. (My sister from Dear Darla Diaries referred me to you site)
    I have to add something that is hopefully related to this. I was a single mom for 3 years. You can ask Darla, I was lonely and didn’t have many friends. I had one other friend that could even relate to me. I tried to get involved with women from my church, but it was a lot of me reaching out & noone accepting my hand in friendship. I didn’t relate to the girls at work, because I chose not to be a single mom who drank or partied. (If I ever did that it was with my sisters on one of the rare weekends we were together without my children). I found it hard to be a single mom, especially when you don’t have much of a support group. My family was/is awesome, don’t get many wrong. But sometimes you want to have a friend that is not related to you that can relate and is willing to hang out with you and be your support.

  14. Not being a mom, I’m not really qualified to comment, but that’s never stopped me before 😉 I think it will be great for the girls to hear stuff that every new mom needs to hear – about what to expect when baby arrives and tips from other moms on how they learnt to cope. Perhaps one or two of the lessons could include guest speakers like yourself who could share their experiences and answer questions from the girls?
    .-= Tamara´s last blog ..Cupcakes and headaches =-.

  15. OH and one more thing – they need to learn what their rights are regarding custody and maintenance from the father! I have so many young girls mail me asking for help about it. Even if they dont want the dad involved or if he isnt involved – they need to know the process and what their rights are!
    .-= Laura´s last blog ..Stop! I need to get off here. =-.

  16. FINANCE!!! BUDGETING!!

    Eventho I would assume alot of these single moms are still living at home they need to learn NOW how to work with money and the importance of saving. It has been one of the hardest things for me to try and manage cos ultimately it effects everything else!

    Not sure if you could make a whole lesson out of it but I believe studying is VITAL as a single mom – getting a qualification that will help you get a job that can support your family. Doesnt have to be a degree – can be a short course in project management or something like that!

    This is such an awesome idea!
    .-= Laura´s last blog ..Stop! I need to get off here. =-.

  17. As a single mom, but not a teen mom, I agree with Dawn. My mom is very involved in Ciara’s life. She is the ‘go to’ adult for when Ciara can’t speak to me. I had the same relationship with my gran.

    A lesson I learnt is that it’s important to keep any potential partners away from the child/ren until you are sure that’s it’s a relationship you are going to give a serious go. Kids get attached to people, and don’t really understand when that person is no longer around, and are hurt by it.
    .-= Kerryn´s last blog ..It’s a fight to the death =-.

  18. Where do we join the “single-moms” club? It is so much easier to relate with other single moms! It’s a tough road to travel alone, but so much fulfilling!

  19. Although I have no experience as a single mom, it is no secret to you, Angel that I have the highest respect for single moms – especially those who like moms with partners – take their parenting role seriously and want to be an effective parent/mom. I think as mothers we share the same challenges. If I may be so bold as to offer this suggestion, as I don’t feel qualified to give ‘advice’ as such …. I think single moms should be very selective about who their child/ren perhaps turn to for the paternal/other role model input. I understand that the face of parenting, like marriage is changing. A single mom might not necessarily be partnered up with a dad. A single mom might ultimately be partnered with another mom. Either way, I think there is a natural tendency for kids to have the one parent that they feel is more like the ‘go to’ parent than the other at different stages in their growing up experience. If I was a single mom, I would want to know that my child has the best possible ‘go to’ parent to turn to and would be grateful for the support of the right person in that role. It ultimately supports the single mom as much as it does the child.
    I wish your friend good luck with her program. I think it is a much needed service.
    .-= Dawn´s last blog ..CHILDREN … =-.

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