You Dare Make Demands!??!

This morning, when I took myself downstairs to feed the cats and leave for work, I found a list slash note on the chalkboard behind the kitchen door. I’m sure most people have one… Its the place where we make notes when something needs to be added to the grocery list, and where the maid leaves me a list when she runs out of something.

On the list this morning, Damien had written:

Coke

Noodles

Please buy stuff to eat not cupcake stuff

Tomato sauce

Milk

I was instantly angry.

The pantry and freezer are full of groceries, but he’s not working. He lies at home playing PS2 (or he did, till we were burgled), watches too much TV, and plays on the computer. And he gets bored so he eats. And eats.

He’s supposed to be volunteering at an animal shelter near our home 4 days a week, but he either doesn’t go or he’s there for 2 hours and goes home again. The other day- the day that he’s not at the shelter- he’s supposed to be job hunting. Going from shop to shop and leaving a CV and asking if there are any vacancies. There are 6 shopping centres within walking distance of our house, and he insists he’s been looking for work- but he hasn’t printed out more copies of his CV in yonks!

Then, he has the audacity to make demands on how I spend my grocery money, when he’s not contributing to the household!

He can be so fargin lucky I came to work this morning. I can mull things over and properly process an argument before I confront him tonight.

Am I wrong? I know he may have meant it in a joke, but it doesn’t come across as such.

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.

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26 Responses to You Dare Make Demands!??!

  1. Bobbi Janay says:

    I don’t even know what to say. I never had the option to not have a job.
    .-= Bobbi Janay´s last blog ..Potluck =-.

  2. Dyna says:

    Somebody’s got a case of the Entitlements! Reality check in order. 🙂
    .-= Dyna´s last blog ..Crazy Kobe Bryant fan on news!! =-.

  3. katy says:

    you know i have heard quit a few people say their kids have to pay rent if they are old enough to work but don’t – my mom moved me out when i was 16. i had school and a job to manage to pay my bills and make sure i had groceries
    i think expecting him to do his part is not to much to ask
    .-= katy´s last blog ..Sunrise from above =-.

  4. Terri says:

    In my experience, at his age young men just don’t think about household-related things the way women do. Groceries just appear, as if by magic, and the house cleans itself (or the fairies do it when they’re not looking, distracted by the PS2).
    Sarcasm goes right over their heads and nagging is just white noise. The only way to go is to sit him down, face to face, and tell him what you want him to do. Plain simple English, all calm and rational-like.
    e.g. Now that you are no longer a child, I would like you to contribute to the household. If you are not working then you can do the housework instead while I am at work. If you want something specific from the shops then tell me what it is without the cheek. I will decide if it is reasonable or not. If you want luxuries that I wouldn’t normally buy, then you will have to find a way to pay for them yourself.

    Oh, and if you give him the “work or do housework” line, be sure and mention he’ll have to scrub toilets. Most men would sell their granny rather than scrub a toilet!
    .-= Terri´s last blog ..The Stage Smile =-.

  5. Sharon says:

    Is there a possibility that he is used to just being at home and not having any demands placed on him? Maybe because of his ADHD you are protective over him and don’t expect the same from him that you would a “normal” child? Maybe he knows this and is complacent in it and doesn’t feel the “need” to find work and start making a contribution but still feels like he has a sense of entitlement and that you “have” to take care of him? I’d hold off on replacing that PS2 and make home a boring place to spend the whole day, with no luxuries and no entertainment. Good luck I’m sure you’ll find a level headed solution to this problem.
    .-= Sharon´s last blog ..Hospitals, Cars and Great Grandma =-.

  6. I’d be just as frustrated.. I’d say he’s too used to being ‘kept’. He needs to get out there and get a job, and then he can also see how one should spend money wisely on groceries and not just spend whenever something is wanted. Hope things get better! *hugs*
    .-= JessicaGiggles´s last blog ..How I Met Your Father =-.

  7. Tamara says:

    Shame, Angel. You sound very frustrated. Hope the situation gets resolved so that you feel better and he learns from it.
    .-= Tamara´s last blog ..Due to lack of time and inspiration… =-.

  8. Kerryn says:

    I’m glad that you have time to calm down. It was probably meant as an (inapropriate) joke. But a level head will be required to sort it out. It’s probably your frustration at the overall situation that made you so angry, and not the actual not on it’s own.
    Perhaps its deadline time – Have a job by x, so you can start paying x from then onwards – no exceptions.
    I paid ‘board’ to my mom from the moment I started working (at 17). It wasn’t much, and probably didn’t even cover half of my ‘expense’ but it was about the principle of the matter.

    Good Luck Angel, hope he finally gets a job 🙁
    .-= Kerryn´s last blog ..It’s a fight to the death =-.

  9. P.J says:

    Well I’m a “kid” not a mother, I’m 29 and my sister is 32, we both still live at home and always tell my mother what to buy etc, and we don’t pay a cent towards anything, so I dont think it’s so bad, he is still young….lol as long as you dont land up in my parents situation!

  10. ExMi says:

    if he’s home, and there’s 6 shopping centres within walking distance…..surely he should be doing the grocery shopping?
    .-= ExMi´s last blog ..Six Times Today. =-.

  11. Seems like your burglary (nicking the playstation) was a bit of karma (for him anyway). It’s so easy to get sucked into that *dont have to do anything* hole at that age. Time to start charging rent I think.
    .-= Ness at Drovers Run´s last blog ..I Only Want to Shop Here, Ever. =-.

  12. cassey says:

    I would be sooooo peeved. He really should be contributing. He’s so fortunate that you let him do volunter work and not just job hunt all the time. Maybe D could do housework as a way to cover his board?
    .-= cassey´s last blog ..Catching up and 02/05 =-.

  13. Laura says:

    Oh but I do pay rent towards the actual basics!
    .-= Laura´s last blog ..Raindrops keep falling on my head =-.

  14. Laura says:

    I am not taking his side at all – cos I would be mad but if that stuff is finished wouldnt you have him tell you?

    The cupcake remark is a bit cheeky but I assume the other stuff is stuff you all use?

    Maybe suggest that you will buy the basics but anything above that he has to buy and if he has no money then shame! Its how we work it at home! My mom buys the basics but anything else the kids want that is above that I have to get!
    .-= Laura´s last blog ..Raindrops keep falling on my head =-.

  15. Oh I’d be angry too. Maybe he has got to start paying some form of “rent” or board? Or am I over reacting?

  16. Brigitte says:

    No. You are NOT wrong. But as I realised with my oldest last night – they don’t think about anyone but themselves and expect to be given what they want when they want. So, if it was meant as a joke, let him know it’s not funny or appreciated, if not well then – that I leave entirely up to you to handle as you see fit. (I am also just having a mini rant hhere ok?)
    .-= Brigitte´s last blog ..TAGGED =-.

  17. deborah says:

    shame i understand your frustration i also hat it when i “stock up” on things and the family complains “there is nothing nice to nibble” my responce normally no contribution=no comment or no payslip=no comment

  18. Melany says:

    I think it might have just been cheeky joke BUT you HAVE to sit him down and explain that as long as he doesn’t contribute, you could give him dry bread and he should be thankful

    (((hugs)))
    .-= Melany´s last blog ..Happy birthday Ouboet =-.

  19. Bridget says:

    Well it’s great that you have time to cool off before you talk to him. Hopefully it will be a productive conversation. He was rather rude.

  20. MeeA says:

    The cheeky bugger!I reckon you’re well within your rights to be pissed off.

  21. blackhuff says:

    I would have been so cross if my son said that and I think you’re not wrong into feeling this way.

  22. Madelein says:

    I’d write prices next to each item, hand him the list back and add a note saying amount required from him. Good luck!! Ad huge hugs
    .-= Madelein´s last blog ..Snippets =-.

  23. Momcat says:

    Sounds very familiar, even to the items on the shopping list. He even squeezes in a dig at the cupcakes. Maybe it was a joke though. This is typical boys for you. I’ve got a houseful at the moment. And what is it with the tomato sauce. I get through a 2lt jug of it every month and it doesn’t even last to the end of the month.

  24. Julia says:

    Your frustration is completely understandable ..x

  25. shadane says:

    HUGS. I would feel exactly like you :

  26. I’d be livid 🙁
    .-= Jeanette Verster´s last blog ..121/365 – Just Carmen =-.