So I Did It

This morning, I dropped off a letter for the knucklehead’s father asking him to contact me. On the way there my heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my ears! My mouth was dry and I was sweating… and when I mentioned to Damien last night that I hadn’t dropped the letter yet because I was afraid someone would come out of the house and see me- he laughed! I don’t think he realised at all how stressful this would be for me to do! It didn’t occurr to him that I haven’t seen or spoken to his biological father in well over 19 years and I am almost as nervous as he is about doing this.

Perhaps more so!

I popped it in the mailbox of the house where I believe his parents live… And now I am terrified they don’t live there anymore and I’m not going to hear anything from anyone. As it is I jump when the phone rings!

The letter simply says that Damien asked me to track him down, and will he please phone me. And I wrote it on stationery bedecked with cupcakes. Does that seem flippant?

The last couple of weeks have driven me almost barmy with stress! Just thinking about contacting him makes my heart beat so hard it blocks my ears!! And then we were burgled and I was without a phone for a few days so I didn’t drop off the letter… But today I couldn’t put it off any longer.

I am so afraid that my precious boy is going to be hurt. I am terrified that this man is going to decide he doesn’t want to know Damien and my boy is going to be heartsore. You know that no matter how much you discuss something, you can’t predict how its going to make you feel. My nerves at dropping off the letter are a prime example- I would never have guessed it would freak me out so after all these years.

But its done.

And now I wait.

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.

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23 Responses to So I Did It

  1. Alet says:

    You are so brave!
    ((Hugs))
    .-= Alet´s last blog ..Show your best side =-.

  2. S E E Quine says:

    Ohhhh, so you don’t even really know the guy. Well! This should be interesting! To be continued!
    .-= S E E Quine´s last blog ..Lucas is FINALLY A MOVIE STAR! =-.

  3. Mel says:

    Well done! That takes guts of note! Am sure its HECTIC now having to wait it out…
    .-= Mel´s last blog ..Eager Anticipation =-.

  4. Tamara says:

    I hope he gets back to you soon so you don’t have to endure a long wait.

    Well done, Angel. It must have been super scary, but you’ve done it anyway.
    .-= Tamara´s last blog ..How can it be Thursday?!?! =-.

  5. Louisa says:

    Well done Angel – that couldn’t have been an easy thing to do.
    .-= Louisa´s last blog ..Weighty Issue =-.

  6. Darla says:

    Wow! Fertility experiences be damned … you are a brave girl my favorite Angel!! Aye and just when you thought only wedding prep could give you gray hair …

  7. Bobbi Janay says:

    Wow, the waiting will be the worst part of it all.
    .-= Bobbi Janay´s last blog ..Rambles with a Rant Mixed in =-.

  8. Ag ja, what can I say? Difficult. Like any good mom you just want to protect him. I hope it works out fine. And a hug for you.
    .-= cat@juggling act´s last blog ..Loving at present…. =-.

  9. Laura says:

    Thinking of you guys! I went through this with D recently and it is heartbreaking!!!!
    .-= Laura´s last blog ..My best side =-.

  10. cassey says:

    Hope it works out well for both of you.
    .-= cassey´s last blog ..The weekend =-.

  11. MeeA says:

    You’ve got serious balls, lady, not only for dropping off that letter, but for doing the whole parent thing by yourself all these years and then still having the grace to handle this particular matter with such consideration for the man who left you in the lurch.
    I hope it all works out so you don’t have to pick up any pieces and everyone can move forward.
    .-= MeeA´s last blog ..Wanna Win a Weekend Away? =-.

  12. Sally-Jane says:

    I hope whatever the answer is going to be that it happens soon and that you don’t have to wait for ages. The wait must be killing. I really hope he does the right thing
    .-= Sally-Jane´s last blog ..Show your best side =-.

  13. Hope it works out… and that Damien isn’t disappointed.
    .-= Jeanette Verster´s last blog ..137/365 – My little boy =-.

  14. P.J says:

    Well the good thing is he’s 19 and has never had contact with his dad, so I’m pretty sure he doesnt expect a wonderful father-son relationship and hopefully won’t be hurt, it’s most likely just curiosity, which is understandable. I hope his father does meet up with him, does he have another family coz they might not know about Damien and then he may not want any contact.

    Shame, I can imagine how stressful this must be, but its one of those things that you cant stand in the way of, good luck, hope it works out well for Damien :/ after 19 years though do you think his dad will want to meet him ??? do you know if the guy is still alive, in South Africa, etc???

  15. ExMi says:

    like thejacksonfiles, i really hope it works out the way it’s meant to. hugs for you both. xx
    .-= ExMi´s last blog ..That Thing Called Growing Up? I Musta Did It. =-.

  16. blackhuff says:

    Good luck. I hope everything works out well and that his father do contact you.

  17. oh god. this is an awful hideous thing that i worry about everyday – jackson being hurt by his biological father. good luck to you, fine lady. i really hope it doesn’t works out exactly the way it should and that there’s not too much heart ache.
    .-= The Jackson Files´s last blog ..YMCA =-.

  18. Tanya says:

    hell – i hope u dont have ANY stress or pain!! 😀
    .-= Tanya´s last blog ..#Midrandtweetup 16 May 2010 =-.

  19. Tanya says:

    good luck angel…
    I hope everything goes ok and you and damien don’t have too much stress or pain.
    x
    .-= Tanya´s last blog ..#Midrandtweetup 16 May 2010 =-.

  20. Cazpi says:

    Big hugs dear Angel. AM thinking of you and knucklehead all the time.

  21. cath says:

    You are so courageous. Whatever the outcome, you have done what Damien desired and wanted, and done your best.

    Blessings

    XXX
    .-= cath´s last blog ..the thing is. =-.

  22. Melany says:

    That could NOT have been easy. I hope the darn sperm donor will be proper
    .-= Melany´s last blog ..Not a day goes by =-.

  23. Julia says:

    Sjoe…that stress would drive me batty too. Sterkte..xx