Baking, Punks, Cops And Braais

Yup. My weekend was aaaawladat!!

This long weekend past was mine and my Glugs’ weekend off. I believe I have mentioned how we schedule a weekend “off” once a month for us to hang out and do nothing, perhaps see familyor have a date night or something…? Well, it wasn’t as quiet as I would have liked it to be…

For one thing I didn’t have a Friday off. I baked the whole of Friday for a delivery to a wedding on Saturday morning and a birthday party order. On the way back from the deliveries, we stopped at a costume shop to rent ourselves some goodies for The Cow’s punk themed birthday party. I fell in love with the blue wig I rented and was sorely tempted not to give it back… but I couldn’t do that.

The party was a blast and we decided at about 11pm that it was time to take ourselves off home and to bed. No problemo. We said our goodbyes and maneouvred ourselves out of The Cow’s packed driveway.

 

Twenty or so minutes later we were close to home, and got pulled over in a road block. Instant butterflies, even if I haven’t been drinking!! Now, my Glugs does not believe in lying to or trying to bribe traffic officers, so when they asked if he’d been drinking he said yes, that we’d been to a party. They asked him to step out of the car* and they proceeded to have a conversation that I couldn’t hear! After a few minutes, he came back to the car and said he’d convinced them to allow me to drive home even though I had also had a few drinks, but they were going to take him to the testing Centre for a breathaliser test! I drove home to await the results of the testing process, and Glugs proceeded to get more and more fed up with them. At the testing centre- which is a good 30 minute drive from the road block- there was one functioning breathaliser and LOTS of people to be tested. By the time it was Glugs’ turn it was almost 2 hours since they pulled us over and he tested well under the legal limit! Then they had to drive him back to the roadblock so I could pick him up… had he tested over the limit they would have taken him to our local police station and I would have had to bail him out. By the time all the collecting was done we got to bed at almost 2am. And then it took me a good hour to fall asleep!

I was already tired from a long 13 hours on my feet the previous day, and by now I was exhausted!

Sunday we spent with my family at our house, braaing and swimming. Well, the kids swam. As most people know I am very close to my family and it was a lovely relaxed day with waaay too much food consumed! By the time we braai’d for lunch after attempting to sleep a little it late and doing some shopping, I was all but a zombie. I was super impressed with how well behaved our dogs, Thelma and Louise, behaved with all the people there and I’m very proud of them. They didn’t even beg when we were sitting eating our food!

Sunday night would have been an early night, but I could not get to sleep! I was sort of watching TV with burning tired eyes and playing “fetch” with Turk all night! Thassaright, I have dogs who don’t know how to play, and a crazy flame point kitten who plays “fetch”!! I really must try and get a video of this. Its quite incredible.

The knucklehead spent most of the weekend with his father, and he says he had fun. SFSG with that situation.

So anyway. Today I am all but asleep on my feet. I think I need an early night… its going to be a busy week!

 

*so he doesn’t drive away I wonder?

Something To Think About

When I was raising Damien, I wasn’t always single, but I was always a single parent.

I had a few boyfriends, but most of my attempts at a relationship were short-lived and ended after a few short weeks. Both my relationships that lasted longer than a few weeks, ended very badly. Yes both- as in two relationships. And I SO do not believe in being friends with ex-boyfriends. When it ends, it ends. There’s no contact afterwards. There’s no being friends. There’s too much history.

This was just one of the reasons I stayed single.

Everyone knows that when you start dating someone as a single mom, it means you allow a man into your home and you allow him to get to know your child. You allow him to get to know you with your child. You allow him to see a side of you that is not just a woman, but a mom. And a mom, well, a mom is an incredible being single or not. You don’t want to cross her, and you don’t want to interfere with how she parents her children.

There have been many fabulous articles written about dating a single mom and the complications and wonderment that go with it, check out Cath Jenkin, Beyond Your NoseFemale2Female, The Jackson Files and Harassed Mom for just a little of what I’m talking about… and that’s not what I’m writing about today.

Today, I am addressing another side of dating a single mother.

The extended family.

When you start dating someone as a single mom, you eventually have to meet your beau’s parents and family.

I’ve seen this particular scenario now from several angles. Me being a single mom and allowing a boyfriend’s parents to meet and befriend my son. Meeting my sibling’s partners and getting to know their children. Seeing my extended family and grandparents deal with their children and grandchildren meeting people with children from previous relationships and how they react to them. I was always afraid of Damien being a “not ours” because I’d seen it happen time and time again. My own granny darling- as much as I love her- only had pictures of her biological grandchildren in her house because the other children are “not really hers”. It broke my heart time and time again because I could see that in Damien’s future.

I avoided relationships to protect myself and my son from heartache.

But the single moms and their children are not the only ones who can get hurt.

I know the boyfriend or girlfriend who gets broken up with also hurts, but the extended family feels it too. I have seen my mommy and daddy darling get to know and get to love my siblings’ partners’ children. And then the relationships end and the child (or children) are gone. My parents hurt. And it makes them leery to love again. Its not only the single mom who gets burned when a relationship ends. It has made my parents afraid to help out or babysit or even try to get to know the new partner’s child or children because it hurts like hell when they are gone.

The single mom hurts because a relationship has ended. Her child hurts because he has gotten to know and love the mom’s- now ex- partner. The ex’s family hurts- if it has gone that far- because they have gotten to know and love a child that is no longer a part of their life.

And people wonder why I opted to stay single.

Longing…

I know, I know, I’ve written before about sucking it up, and how we’re done trying, but it’s not that easy.

I can’t just switch it off.

I can’t just stop longing to have a baby with my Glugster.

 

I’ve written several times about how I feel about it and how it affects me… and yes, I am battling with it less and less, but last week it was back with a vengeance. I have spoken about how I don’t want advice or platitudes. I’m done thinking positive and trying NOT to think about it.

And then last week I was catching up on family members’ feeds on Facebook, and there was a picture of my MIL proudly posing with her three grandchildren.

I burst into tears.

 

My Glugs wants me to tell him when I feel like this because he doesn’t want to wonder what’s bugging me. He doesn’t want to wonder if he’s done something to upset me, or if something has happened with the knucklehead again. It helps me a helluva lot that I can talk to him… but I know it frustrates him when I do speak about it because it’s not something he can fix. And because he made peace with the situation a while before I came along I feel like I’m scratching open old healed wounds.

 

Less and less often now, do I feel instantly resentful when I hear about people falling pregnant. Less and less often now, do I think something spiteful when I see a baby bump in a shopping mall. Less and less often now do I wonder what if, or think about maybe…

But it still happens.

 

And it sucks.

 

And I know I should count my blessings because I already have a child. I know that unlike many women and couples trying to conceive, I am lucky because I have felt the excitement of kicks an hiccups, that I have seen my baby boy on an ultrasound screen, that I have held my tiny newborn son and counted his fingers and toes…

And I know that I am so incredibly blessed in that my darling Glugster cares for my knucklehead as if he were his own. Its so much more than I ever dreamed would be possible.

 

But sometimes even all that makes me wish we’d never even discussed it let alone tried to have a baby of our own.

And now I’ll have some cheese with my whine.

This Is Spam!

I get this email at least twice a week, and I can understand- to a degree- why people would fall for it… But lemme point out some very obvious clues to you, should you receive it. Consider it a public service.

First, I don’t have a Standard Bank account. I’ve never had one.

Second, were it actually from your bank, they would address you BY NAME.

Third, I’m going to highlight some glaringly obvious spelling and grammar issues that would never appear in official bank communications- because they use spell check!

Fourth, the inclusion of an expiry warning and a “copyright” is placed specifically to make you nervous.

Here’s the email.

Dear Valued Member,

Comment- this entire first sentence is borked with plurals in the wrong place- “attempts”- and the use of “you” instead of “your”:

Our recent security monitoring program indicate an invalid login attempts into you account online from an unknown IP address. In this regard, We need you to update your account information to our new security D-Y90  projection program for your online banking security.

Comment- this sentence is also borked- capital letters where they shouldn’t be, and the last four words shouldnt be there at all:

Please update your billing information today by Clicking Here  After a few clicks,

just verify the information you entered is correct.

Sincerely,

Standard Bank Services Team

P.S.  This message will be expire within 24 Hours . 

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