Thirty Days of Blog, Day Twenty Six

Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

 

26I have never considered suicide. Even when I was living through teenage angst and thought nobody liked me, it never occurred to me as an option.

For one thing, I am too much of a pissy to inflict pain on myself deliberately.

Hell, I was even too worried about climbing trees or getting too risqué on my bicycle because I could see in my head- in graphic detail- what could happen if things went wrong!

 

I’m doing a 30 Days Of Blog Challenge

ADHD and the Complications of Instant Gratification

What do you think of when I say “instant gratification”?

Shopping?

Winning a board game?

Chocolate?

Email?

Text messages?

Sex, maybe?

Well, instant gratification is indeed all that, and more. People with ADD have slightly less of a problem with it than those with ADHD. ADHDers thrive on it, and they have a real battle processing the concept of delayed gratification.

Blah blah blah fishpaste.

If you parent an ADHDer, or teach them, you’ve heard that before.

 

So why is instant gratification, or the inability to wait, a problem?

 

Well, for one thing, an ADHDer can very seldom see the point of studying. All that time spent poring over books and tests and attending lectures. For what?! A piece of paper!??! An “A” on a test?! The only person who gets excited about that is mom or dad!

School is boring! Studying is boring. Doing well at school takes a lot of work for long term rewards. It means homework and revision for tests and spending time doing something other than playing PS2 or a sport they love.

PS2 and computer games, by the way, are a form of instant gratification for ADHDers. It’s a couple of hours play for a win or a loss- an instant result. You want to know why they can focus on their computer games for hours when they can’t revise for exams- instant gratification is why.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to motivate someone like that to do well at school!??!?!

 

An ADHDer is unable to inhibit or delay their response to stimuli. They battle to temper their reactions, so if they think something is funny they will laugh- out loud and loudly! That’s not necessarily a problem per se, but when a family is out in public, a child screaming with laughter can make people stare. Their behaviour is deemed inappropriate and they don’t learn how to adapt their behaviour in different situations- their reactions will be the same no matter where they are or who they are with.

In terms of instant gratification- “It’s funny so I laugh. It’s annoying so I shout.” Partly due to this, they come across as overly emotional or over sensitive.

 

How does this problem affect the way you parent?

Well, have you ever tried to ground your ADHDer for something he or she did wrong? Have you perhaps taken away a favourite toy, PC game or CD for a prolonged period of time? How effective was it? How long did it take for your ADHDer to clean forget they ever owned that particular toy/ CD/ PC game? How long were they grounded before they found something interesting to do?

Not very effective was it.

Why? Because for an ADHDer, it’s long term. Punishments for ADHDers needs to be quick and effective. It needs to be “instant” or they will have forgotten why they are being punished.

Here’s an example: You find your ADHDer has taken money out of your wallet. Instead of deducting it off his pocket money when he gets some again- by which time he will have forgotten what he did- go to a pawn shop together the next day, after he has selected one of his own DVDs or CDs, and exchange them for cash which makes up for what he took from you.

The punishment is almost instant and your child will remember why he’s being punished.

 

It’s more than a little daunting don’t you think?

Try to keep issues like this in mind before you judge someone whose child seems to be behaving like a lunatic in a shopping mall or a restaurant.

Bear in mind that there may be other issues affecting the way a woman handles a child who throws a temper tantrum in a Hypermarket aisle.

And please, if you have an ADHDer in your family with whom you will be spending time over the festive season, try not to point fingers too harshly when they seem to over react to what appears to be a harmless situation.

Thirty Days of Blog, Day Twenty Five

The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

 

25I know I know- I skipped day 24, I will get back to it still.

As to why I am still here? Because I’m a big chicken!

😀

When it comes to taking physical risks, I think it over to death before I write it off or attempt it. I don’t ride rollercoasters. I was too chicken to even climb trees as a child! Climb on the roof of the house? Are you insane?!?! Accept a ride home from a club with a stranger? Madness!!! And I obey the law. All laws. I stick to the speed limit. I indicate. I stop at stop streets and I wear my seatbelt.

 

If I get into the existential meaning of life and all that, I believe I am here to do the most and the best with every opportunity thrown at me. I have let way too many chances just slip by me, and I have deliberately ignored many others because I lacked the self-confidence to go through with them.

I want to treat people fairly, and make people’s burdens a little lighter when I can- even if it is simply by complimenting them on their jewellery choice that day. I want to literally do unto others as I want done to me.

I am determined to ensure that if I am thought of when I am gone, it is with fondness.

 

I’m doing a 30 Days Of Blog Challenge

Thirty Days of Blog, Day Twenty Three

Something you wish you had done in your life.

 

23Hhmmm… I’ve thought about this one often, and I have got to say that I wish I finished school properly, and studied further.

When my son was born, I was covered by my parents’ medical aid but my pregnancy was not, neither was my baby.

I started working full time when he was 7 months old (how lucky was I to get to stay home with him that long!?!) and organised my own medical aid that covered us both.

I had to start working. My parents couldn’t pay for all our groceries and nursery school fees and such, so I put off studying.

I figured I’d do it when he was older and I had more time to myself and and and… but I ever did. I did attempt to do my matric, I studied it through correspondence and split it over two years, but I didn’t put enough time or effort into it and it’s not worth the paper my results are printed on.

I did learn from that experiment though, that I didn’t have the self discipline to follow through with actually studying for a diploma or a degree, at least not part time..

 

I’m doing a 30 Days Of Blog Challenge

Taking a Leaf Out Of Ruby’s Book…

Dear SAPO

 

Today, November 23rd 2010, I received a parcel.

 

It was a small parcel. A little, yellow, flat, bubble wrap insulated envelope, so there was no collection notification and it was put directly into my Postnet box.

I was rather excited to find it, I mean- who isn’t excited about surprise parcels?!? And it was especially surprising as I wasn’t expecting anything from anyone…

 

It weighed next to nothing, and I had a look at the addresses from and to, just to make sure I had not got someone else’s mail by mistake, and discovered it was from overseas! Bonus surprise!

I flipped it over to start opening it, and discovered that the seal was a wreck! It had been slit open neatly across the top, and inside was a small empty zip sealable plastic bag.

 

The nerve of whoever had opened it, to replace the empty plastic packet that my gift had been in!!?!? Then I was even more curious as to where it came from as the envelope stated it was a “key chain” valued at $1.50.

 

Then my eyes happened on the postage date, and I knew what it had been.

 

 

In August last year, I agreed to exchange links on my wedding blog with a company in the US who makes titanium wedding bands. They very kindly offered me one of their rings- up to a certain value of course- in exchange. I was then going to blog about receiving the ring as well as linking them on my site.

My ring never arrived.

I did link them on my blog regardless, but I simply assumed that the parcel had gotten lost or perhaps had not been sent at all.

This empty envelop I now held in my hand had contained my ring, and had been mailed to me on August 25th 2009.

 

Why the fork, SAPO, would you now send me the empty envelope?!??!!?! Are your staff now having a good giggle at how disappointed I must be to receive an empty envelope, more than a year after it was mailed to me?!?? Are they enjoying rubbing my nose in the fact that there is sweet blow all I can do about my loss?!!?! Are you somehow proud of yourself that even after more than a year, you didn’t lose my envelope!?!?!?

 

Well SAPO, rest assured, your shoddy reputation is intact.

I hope whoever took my ring has found joy in wearing it, rather than finding it was too small for them and having their finger rot off from lack of circulation…

 

Sincerely

 

A disappointed client who has little choice but to use your services.