Sometimes I Don’t Want To Meet New People!

Because I know that once we get to chatting and they find out that my sweetheart and I are newlyweds, they will ask the inevitable and inane question, “So when are you going to have a baby?”

Why- in this day and age, when battling to have a baby is so commonplace- do people still think it is okay to ask a question like that?

I have a very short fuse, and I have a really hard time biting my tongue when someone asks us when we’re planning to procreate. My immediate reaction is anger, and I am sorely tempted to say something snarky like “When are you going to discipline your child?” or “Are you going to have more children?”

Instead, I smile and say something like “We’re too selfish” or simply “we’re not” and I walk away or change the subject. I no longer attempt to explain that we can’t have children. If I do mention that we’ve tried, there’s an onslaught of well-meaning questions, ass-vice and suggestions, as if we haven’t already investigated every option and seen doctors and had tests done and Googled ourselves stupid.

Most of the time I am okay. I am making peace with it. Once in a while I am thrown for a loop but for the most part I am okay. But this one thing especially, still gets to me.

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.

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11 Responses to Sometimes I Don’t Want To Meet New People!

  1. meganTS says:

    what a completely random question to ask people!! i would NEVER ask someone that! i guess i’m lucky that i missed all that crap by having my kids in sin… no one wants a fornicator reproducing any more than they already have 😛

  2. I always find it weird that people feel they can comment on any decision about children. We had it that after no 1 was a year, everybody asking us, when is the second one coming (as I was approaching 40). It was tough, things were not happening. So we resorted to put the word out that we are having only one child. It was just easier. (Imagine the surprise when we had 2!)

  3. I’ll start asking people, “Are you going to start taking a parenting class?” to level the playing field. 😉

  4. Sharon says:

    I reckon anyone that asks that question deserves the snarky answer. “So when are you having a baby?’ “Well I’m not sure, when were you planning your face lift/tummy tuck/brain transplant?” Ja nasty I know, but really, mind your own business 😉

  5. cassey says:

    That sucks lady. We’re lucky in that we just deflect to other siblings, and most of the fam knows about my PCOS now so they leave it be.
    I saw give into the rude response, it might stop them from being dumb.
    Hugs

  6. acidicice says:

    *hugs*

    Just yesterday someone asked me ‘So when are you having another one?’. Luckily I have an answer prepared, but it *is* none of their business.

  7. Alida says:

    I understand 100%. Different reasons but the question always irks me. You get the look that says “you quite blatantly are weird/wrong/messed up” when quite frankly my choice is mine to make.

    I think its quite rude because there are a zillion reasons why a couple isn’t having a child right that very second and it could be due to X number of reasons. If I’m not having a kiddie right now because I can hardly afford to feed myself, its not something I want to discuss in a room full of people.

    Argh!

  8. tanya says:

    Yes yes yes!!! It is NONE of anyone’s business! I don’t know how awful it must be for u, but people ask me that too, and I get pissed off because:
    A) its none of their business
    And
    B) we don’t want kids anytime soon … And this opens up a whole other conversation that isn’t anyone else’s business!

    *hugs*

  9. blackhuff says:

    Sorry to hear that you have to endure this. I don’t ask people when are they going to get babies cause that is private and have nothing to do with me. As long as the couple is happy, then I’m happy. Cause marriage must and are meant to be forever. So that is what focus on when talking to newly wed couples 🙂

  10. MeeA says:

    Big loves, Aunty.
    I’m only just beginning to get an inkling as to how you feel, as my heart breaks anew every month at the arrival of AF and I am filled with regret at having had my hubby snipped…
    I know it’s totally irrational, illogical – irresponsible, even – to think of having any more babies – our hands are full and our wallets stretched well beyond their capability. But I ache for that one last baby I’m never going to have…

  11. Tamara says:

    I hear you. We’ve been married four years and it’s THE question that people ask us (especially my MIL). I don’t ask that question to other couples because it’s so personal and it really has nothing to do with anyone else aside from them. If they volunteer the info, cool. But I don’t ask.