The Dieting Thing

Its hard.

It sucks.

And I’m not strict enough with myself.

Yes, I am losing- very VERY slowly- but I am still cheating. Its like I haven’t managed to do that mind-shift that puts you off cheating or wanting to cheat because you’re making progress on your weight loss journey. And wanting to be healthy and good to yourself instead. My darling hubby is dieting right along with me, but unlike me he seems unconcerned with eating the “wrong” foods. He doesn’t constantly think about food and daydream about bread sticks and KFC like I do. The food we get to eat on Weigh-Less is a LOT, and its enough for him. I’ll have my six meals a day and STILL think about how good a big bowl of spaghetti with butter and chutney would taste! I all but throw a temper tantrum when the Coke Zero is finished and I can’t have any with my supper!

I’ve been on Weigh-Less for more than 6 weeks, but I have only lost 3.6kg! Most women who have as much to lose as I do, lose a kilogram a week when they join Weigh-Less because they actually stick to the diet, but not me. I have worked out that if I do cheat, cutting out my carb rations for the day following the cheating means I don’t gain as much as I could have- but it isn’t how its supposed to work. Its like I’ve given myself an excuse to cheat now because I can “undo” some of the damage the next day.

One HUGE change is that I am exercising! I am exercising at home, on my own, every day. For the first time in my life. I have had three gym contracts and all three have expired because I didn’t go to the gym enough times to meet the minimum requirement of twice a month. I couldn’t motivate myself enough to go to the gym twice a month!??!? Now I am exercising on my living room floor because I want to.Β And I can feel a difference too! Yesterday was an Xbox360 Kinect rest day, which means there’s no scheduled work out. I could have done a custom workout anyway, which scores me points in the competition, but I took my two dogs for a walk after my Weigh-Less weigh in instead. Thelma and Louise absolutely loved it of course, and I was amazed that I wasn’t half-dead by the time we got home! Normally the short walk we do- just to the end of the block and back which is a total of about 1.6km in total- has me drenched in sweat, wheezing, sore, and cursing my aching calves. But not this time. I was sweating, but I wasn’t in agony and I wasn’t wheezing. I could feel that I had done some exercise, but I wasn’t limping or cursing. I felt good.

I still can’t stand to look at myself in a full length mirror, and seeing photographs of myself makes me want to cry. But I will still go out and get McDonalds for lunch. Or suggest KFC for supper.

I am moving forward, but I have never been one to work towards a goal. I want to lose weight and I want it now.

Urgh.

I’ve put a ticker in my sidebar to track my weight loss- it doesn’t show my weight or what my goal weight is, it just shows how much I want to lose and how much I’ve lost. I do love to see that I have lost- considering I spent the last twenty years picking it up… And I am really hoping that it will keep me more or less on track if I see my loss every week.

My apologies, oh ever loyal bunnies of mine. This post is more than a little disjointed.

But this sucks giant donkey balls.

About Angel

Wife, mom, cake artist, Guide Dog puppy raiser, ADHD champion, wedding planner, and tattooed cat slave.

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11 Responses to The Dieting Thing

  1. Pingback: The Xbox360 Kinect Blogger Challenge — Angels Mind

  2. Sharon says:

    I so get you. I’m also “dieting” and even after having had the healthy meal I’m thinking of other nice things to eat. This mindset change is not easy, and not for the fainthearted. What also doesn’t help is the fact that this stupid new scale I bought doesn’t seem to be working.

  3. I know you can do it Angel- you have done so much in your life up to now, you will manage this as well. Remember that exercising can add muscles, which weighs more than fat. Take your measurements and compare that – a way more effective way to measure progress.

    A few years ago I changed my mindset about food – yes I still enjoy food, but I do no think food as much. And it has worked remarkably well.

  4. Mel says:

    you can do it! you have to stop doing it to LOSE WEIGHT and change the focus to having a HEALTHY BODY and living longer for your man and kid(s). I have read your blog over the years and one I thing I know about you is that you have SERIOUS BALLS girl – you can do anything – even this. πŸ™‚

  5. Darla says:

    From a fellow foodie forced to be on a low fat-low salt LOWER THE DAMN BLOODPRESSURE diet I feel your pain. I. Feel. It! My husband doesn’t understand it either. I can eat the right portion and the right flavors and still crave a bowl of ooey gooey cheesy noodles or hot sugary chocolatey brownies or a 48 ounce icy glass of dr pepper. I am not helping either of us. Congrats on the excercise achievement and weight loss! It is always such a big hurdle to cross (the working out) but much easier to do once you start rolling. I stalled off that bike after relocating but for the first time in my life have a physically active job. I still need to get back into the working out though.

  6. sleepyjane says:

    I totally love how you ended the post!

    I don’t ever really diet, even though I know I can stand to lost a few kg’s, and every few months I go through this thing where I start eating healthier. I’m so sure that if I completely cut out fizzy coldrinks, chocolate and unhealthy snacking then it stands to reason that I’d lose some weight. Especially if I eat a little healthier. Salads instead of potatoes etc.

    But I swear to God once I’ve decided this the cravings start. Cravings for things I never even think of to eat! Like a few weeks ago I started getting cravings for McDonalds apple pie. I never eat McDonalds apple pie! GAH!

    I’m impressed that you’re excercising – it’s such a great thing!! I’m sooooo bad when it comes to that.

  7. BiancaW says:

    Dude! You are so NOT ALONE!! I have been on Weigh Less for 10 weeks and have lost 5 – but I had lost 5 like 3 weeks ago, and since then I have just been flailing. I also wonder when it gets easier, and when I will stop thinking KFC tastes good……..will let you know when (if) I get there!

    Lets just hang in there – together.

  8. cassey says:

    I think that because you’re getting the exercise part right, and enjoying it, the food part will soon go well too. I just think that you need to cut yourself some slack, it will happen because you can and will do it.

  9. marcelle says:

    Its a tough journey, but so worth it in the end….

  10. Julia says:

    I know how you feel. I am very instant gratification and want to see results as of NOW. My Group Leader told me that it took a very long time for me to get this fat. So obviously I will not lose it overnight. She also said that slow, steady weight loss is the way to go. It’s healthier somehow. I must say that I really don’t think about junk food. I was off the takeouts and fizzy drinks for some time before I started WL so maybe that has somehow made it easier for me. I do fantasize about cheese. And creamy pasta. And ribs. And when I am PMS’ing I want to eat everything in sight. With lots of chocolate.
    Must say I am very jealous of your exercising. I think that this makes such a big difference.
    Hang in there.
    x

  11. blackhuff says:

    In the beginning I too felt like you (and so does any other person who also starts a weight loss journey.) You want the loss NOW. You crave KFC and McDonalds and sometimes you even suggest it, in the hope that your partner will actually say no and be your rock. I was there too and although it does now look like it is not going to get better, it is in the future. It will get better the longer you are on this journey. Because after losing a significant amount of weight, this will start to become a lifestyle and not about weight loss anymore.