And I’m not strict enough with myself.
Yes, I am losing- very VERY slowly- but I am still cheating. Its like I haven’t managed to do that mind-shift that puts you off cheating or wanting to cheat because you’re making progress on your weight loss journey. And wanting to be healthy and good to yourself instead. My darling hubby is dieting right along with me, but unlike me he seems unconcerned with eating the “wrong” foods. He doesn’t constantly think about food and daydream about bread sticks and KFC like I do. The food we get to eat on Weigh-Less is a LOT, and its enough for him. I’ll have my six meals a day and STILL think about how good a big bowl of spaghetti with butter and chutney would taste! I all but throw a temper tantrum when the Coke Zero is finished and I can’t have any with my supper!
I’ve been on Weigh-Less for more than 6 weeks, but I have only lost 3.6kg! Most women who have as much to lose as I do, lose a kilogram a week when they join Weigh-Less because they actually stick to the diet, but not me. I have worked out that if I do cheat, cutting out my carb rations for the day following the cheating means I don’t gain as much as I could have- but it isn’t how its supposed to work. Its like I’ve given myself an excuse to cheat now because I can “undo” some of the damage the next day.
One HUGE change is that I am exercising! I am exercising at home, on my own, every day. For the first time in my life. I have had three gym contracts and all three have expired because I didn’t go to the gym enough times to meet the minimum requirement of twice a month. I couldn’t motivate myself enough to go to the gym twice a month!??!? Now I am exercising on my living room floor because I want to. And I can feel a difference too! Yesterday was an Xbox360 Kinect rest day, which means there’s no scheduled work out. I could have done a custom workout anyway, which scores me points in the competition, but I took my two dogs for a walk after my Weigh-Less weigh in instead. Thelma and Louise absolutely loved it of course, and I was amazed that I wasn’t half-dead by the time we got home! Normally the short walk we do- just to the end of the block and back which is a total of about 1.6km in total- has me drenched in sweat, wheezing, sore, and cursing my aching calves. But not this time. I was sweating, but I wasn’t in agony and I wasn’t wheezing. I could feel that I had done some exercise, but I wasn’t limping or cursing. I felt good.
I still can’t stand to look at myself in a full length mirror, and seeing photographs of myself makes me want to cry. But I will still go out and get McDonalds for lunch. Or suggest KFC for supper.
I am moving forward, but I have never been one to work towards a goal. I want to lose weight and I want it now.
I’ve put a ticker in my sidebar to track my weight loss- it doesn’t show my weight or what my goal weight is, it just shows how much I want to lose and how much I’ve lost. I do love to see that I have lost- considering I spent the last twenty years picking it up… And I am really hoping that it will keep me more or less on track if I see my loss every week.
My apologies, oh ever loyal bunnies of mine. This post is more than a little disjointed.
But this sucks giant donkey balls.