Even before he was born, he crept into a Nathan-shaped hole in my soul that I didn’t even know was there!
Every single person he ever met was touched by his light, his constant smile, his passion for learning, his determination, his love of music and singing, his love for his family.
And now he’s gone. We were given almost eight years to share his life on this planet. The randomness that is this life dealt a cruel blow to us on Thursday and our sweet Nathan was taken from us in a car accident.
I keep wanting to slip into my version of a normal life and then I remember why things aren’t normal and I go right back to square one.
I swing from heartbroken to mightily pissed off every other hour. Some of the thoughts in my head will never ever be spoken or written down, and some of them I want to scream out loud! I want to be with my family and I want to be alone. I want to share my memories and feelings with people who care about me and I want to tell everyone to leave me alone. I throw myself into my work with the music as loud as it can go because if I stop to think I am awash with sadness again…
Its times like this that social media is both a blessing and a curse. I am torn between so many different feelings… wanting to ask everyone why they’re still smiling and joking and carrying on regardless when someone so precious has been taken from us, wanting to tweet and comment and update like I always have and feeling like I’m cheating when I want to smile, and wanting to respond to and appreciate every single message of condolence that is coming through from every corner of the planet!
I cannot imagine- if this is how I am feeling- what my brother must be going through in trying to live with the loss of his son.
I wish I had phoned him more. I wish we had been able to see him more often.
Its so wrong.
Its so unfair.
Its not right.
Have you told your children you love them? Have you told your spouse? Your siblings? Do you tell them every day? Don’t wait. Please don’t wait. Please don’t allow your ire at others to get in the way of letting your loved ones know they are your loved ones.
I miss you Nathan. We miss you. Your knucklehead cousin misses you. So very much.