Sometimes I Feel Like I Don’t Fit In…

Its an odd feeling.

Its not that I feel unwelcome, I just don’t feel like I have anything to contribute to the conversation…

Most of my friends have young children- toddlers and school age kidlets- and whilst I do sometimes have something to contribute to a conversation it feels like I am butting in. And when I think about what I want to say, I sound- to myself- like one of those old ladies who has to have her two cents and talks too loud, you know the ones where everyone nods and smiles until she’s done and then carries on regardless.

I am also a mom, but my knucklehead is twenty one years old already so whilst I do still have parenting issues with him living at home, I am no longer dealing with school runs, homework, PTA meetings, kids parties, potty training, puking, upset tummies and the like.

I do remember things from when he was growing up that may be relevant in a conversation with other moms, but it feels really strange to be sharing something from so many years ago.

On The TTC* Front…

This may be a little TMI for some who read my blog…

I’m a lot better about it than I used to be. I really am.

I do still feel a pang of jealousy when I hear of someone else’s pregnancy, especially if its someone close to me. But I can talk to them about it and get genuinely excited about it without feeling like a complete fraud. I can handle baby showers now and seeing new babies no longer reduces me to tears… Though I can’t hold them or cuddle them without crying yet. And ultrasound pictures still tug at my heart strings.

I still ride the roller coaster that is hope-longing-what if-maybe-please-why me-disappointment every month.

Every fucking month.

But I no longer track my cycle which has helped me avoid the insane desperation that came with ovulation, and then the crazy hoping that this time my period won’t come. At one point I actually worried about the level of urgency I felt when I knew I was ovulating- or about to, the anxiousness to make sure we never missed an opportunity to try and conceive and the intense hope that perhaps this was the one time everything would go right!

Not that my hubby ever complained… And we’ve been very lucky in that our trying to get pregnant didn’t negatively affect our sex life.

😛

A while ago I was chatting to ExMi and the tarot reading she did for me back in August 2008 came up in the conversation. The question I asked for the reading was whether or not my Glugster and I would have a baby together. We had decided that we liked the idea of having our baby but the time it was taking to happen was starting to concern me. The results of the reading were absolutely fascinating and were very positive in terms of babies! I’ve thought about it often, and I’m sure anyone who has or is battling fertility will know that grasping at straws almost becomes a normal state of mind. Then ExMi said she had since thought that perhaps the “babies” in the reading referred to there being lots of them “around” us, not necessarily for us… And that kinda makes sense. In the years since the reading there have been more than 30 babies born to friends, family and acquaintances and there are lots still “on the way”!!

Ah me.

So what this long ass ramble boils down to is that I am no longer in tears every other night. And whilst I do contemplate fertility treatment every few weeks and once in a blue moon wonder about adoption, I do like my life the way it is now. And my selfishness and being able to focus on me and my husband instead of math homework is gradually winning me over.

*Trying To Conceive

You Know What I Don’t Get?

I don’t get why people spend a fortune on a piece of property in an exclusive “country living” estate, and then build such a huge house on it that they can hear their neighbours farting in the shower! You may as well be living in a block of flats!

I don’t get why people- drivers- can’t adhere to simple road rules like choosing the correct lane and using indicators.Is it so hard to put some good manners into practice!?

I don’t get why people don’t sterilise their pets, and then end up having to beg everyone they know to take a puppy or a kitten off their hands! These same people will be the ones asking you to support animal shelters because they’re battling to stay afloat with all the animals left at their gate!

Win A Tomato!

You read it right!

I have a beautiful white, ladies Tomato watch to give away!

As a bonus it has the Ford Focus ST “ST” logo engraved on the glass of the face.

white, tomato, ladies, watch

It is brand new out of its cute red box. I put the watch on once to photograph it but as cute as it is I don’t easily wear watches and bracelets as I have slight sensory issues on my arms…

Anyhoodle

The rules are as follows:

  • A R20 donation to SA Guide-dogs gets you one entry (R40 is 2 entries, R100 is 5 entries, and so on)
  • You must send proof of your donation to me at angel41222 [at] gmail.com
  • Tweeting the link to the competition- including my Twitter handle @AngelConradie– will get you another entry to the competition but only if you have made at least one R20 donation to SAGA
  • The more you enter the better your chances of winning and you can enter as many times as you like!
  • The draw will take place next Friday 12th October 2012 at 12 noon
Just a disclaimer- I wasn’t asked, paid, bribed, invited, or otherwise coerced into writing this blog post, nor did I receive anything in exchange for writing this blog post.

A Day With @FordSouthAfrica For The Ford Focus #STLaunch!

And what a day it was!

Every time I get an invitation to attend a Ford event I just know its going to be a corker, and this one did not disappoint.

Getting to PE meant a really early trip to ORT as I had to take off at 7h10. I was even awake before my 6 month old labrador puppy Riddick! The look on his face when I turned on the bedside light was comical indeed. In PE I found a few familiar faces for company! I’ve met Sihle (from Real Magazine), @UrbanEnzo and @denphat ( of JucyAfrica) at previous Ford events and I finally got to meet the fabulous @TanyaKovarsky (of Rattle & Mum fame) after we missed each other at previous tweetups! I also got to meet some new people- @zacarshow@DjSwitchSA@kevintaylor6@JasonVonBerg and @FashionJazz, and hang out with some of the Ford peeps I have met at these events which was really awesome.

We landed early in fabulous overcast, cool weather and were met by the Ford crew, then we had coffee, signed indemnity forms, and checked drivers’ licenses whilst we waited for the Durban people to join us. Once we were all there and chatting and paring up (we drive two-two, with one person navigating and one driving) I asked Tanya if she wanted to be my partner and we got our keys- to a “Tangerine Scream” coloured Ford Focus ST! The other colours are Spirit Blue, Race Red, Panther Black, Frozen White and Moondust Silver.

It is seriously sexy! I love the back end! I must be honest though- I think the older models looked “meaner”, but this one is certainly a hot car! Keyless start is a total winner and I have already said that I love the layout and dashboard in the Ford Focus! And a six-way adjustable driver’s seat!? Yes please! What I wasn’t anticipating was actually sitting in the seats… The new ST is fitted with Recaro seats, and they are SOOO not kind to a big bum! I put it out of my mind as I got to chatting to Tanya and we navigated our way to Aldo Scribante Raceway not far from the airport.

After a presentation on the design, specs and market for the new Ford Focus ST we were split into three groups to discuss Ford’s SYNC system, try to set a record on a racing game, and take the ST for a spin around the Aldo Scribante racetrack! I managed 3:21.774 on the racing game- the slowest in my group- but everyone was beaten by- wait for it- A GIRL! Jolandi finished in with a time of 2:42.465!

After my group had done the racing game and checked out the Ford Focus SYNC system- where you can hook up your phone/ MP3 player/ tablet/ USB to the car using Bluetooth or a jack and listen to text messages, make and answer calls or play your favourite playlist through the car’s sound system.

Then we got fed. And MAN did we get fed! Little crumbed prawns, little spring rolls, a chicken salad, a hot chicken dish with rice, a smoked salmon salad on a hashbrown, beef that just melted in your mouth… And then they came around with these bamboo cones filled with little fish and chips portions! And just when I thought I may have trouble fitting into the ST’s racing seats they started serving fresh baked waffles and ice cream! I had a sugar cone with the most divine vanilla ice cream and decided enough was enough.

Then it was my group’s turn to go on the track. DJ Switch and I were in one car with a professional driver who took us around to show us what the car could do. I was in the back seat and let me tell you- my butt wasn’t on the seat most of the time! I was being flung around like a crash-test dummy! Thank goodness for handholds and a seatbelt! Back into the pits to swop seats and drivers, putting Switch behind the wheel and me in the passenger seat with our instructor in the back seat. Now it was our turn to do three laps each with cones on the track showing the start and end of each corner. It was PHENOMENAL! Do you know what Ford have done? They are relaying some of the engine noise INTO THE CAR!!! And it so adds to the experience of driving this car! I’ve never been on a track before.

Ooh and you know how everyone thinks they’re a good driver? Well I hate to toot my own horn but I did really well on the track! I was stoked!

That was by far the highlight of the day for me- being able to belt around a race track in a performance vehicle!

And now for your visual entertainment, here are some photos from the day and of the ST. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble telling which are the professional shots and which are mine! 😀

And for the petrol heads, here are some of the specs I appreciate:

  • 184kW 2.0-litre turbocharged EcoBoost engine
  • 0-100 km/h in 6.5 seconds and has a top speed of 248 km/h
  • 7.2 ?/100 km
  • CO2 emissions of 169 g/km; a 20 percent improvement over the previous Focus ST
  • Twin-independent Variable Cam Timing (Ti-VCT), redesigned intake and exhaust systems, unique calibration
  • Strong torque levels in a broad, flat curve peaking at 360 Nm
  • Unique twin hexagonal centre exhaust tailpipe
  • Sport Steering System variable ratio steering rack reduces steering sensitivity in a straight line and increases sensitivity when cornering
  • Torque Vectoring Control applies brake torque to the inner wheel through a corner to reduce under steer