At A Bit Of A Loose End…

I was watching my favourite TV show today, which is now on season 5 – Parenthood.

I’ve spoken about it before because I enjoy the show immensely. Its a big family, like mine. There are adopted children, a (no longer) illegitimate child, a single mom, fertility issues, a special needs child, the family’s parents remind me of my own… I identify with the characters and their situations.

~~ CAUTION - SPOILERS IN PICTURE LINK ~~

~~ CAUTION – SPOILERS IN PICTURE LINK ~~

For some reason while I was watching today’s show, I had a bit of a revelation.

I raised my son on my own – with help from a loving close family – but I was a single mom. I also had special needs issues to deal with with my son’s ADHD Combined Type, so not only did I feel like I had to prove myself as a parent to teachers and doctors and a community at large, I also had to get my son the help he needed to get through school. I started working on support for other parents of children with special needs and creating awareness of ADHD, and I worked full day and weekends as our little family unit had only my income.
I worked my tail off every day.

Make no mistake – I love the life I have led, though I still wish I had been able to (or tried to) do more for my son…

Now my son is a grown up. He’s also doing something he’s loved all his life and he’s happier than I have ever seen him! Seeing and talking to him makes my heart sing!

But every other day I feel like there’s something I am supposed to be doing… I’m no longer fighting with schools and teachers and doctors. I don’t have all kinds of appointments to keep. I don’t get the phonecalls I used to dread…
I fill my time with the causes that are close to my heart – supporting other special needs parents and working with SA Guide-dogs – and I work from home so my time is very much my own, and every now and then I feel like I’ve let something slide.
I feel like something is not getting the attention I am supposed to be giving it, and I almost find myself feeling a little guilty about the fact that my son’s ADHD is no longer as HUGE a stress-about-it-how-can-I-fix-it-why-my-son factor in my life as it was just a year ago.

I still worry about him, and about his future, and I still wish I had done more when he was at school, but I have it easier now and once in a blue moon I have to shake myself and tell myself that thats okay.

5 thoughts on “At A Bit Of A Loose End…

  1. I totally agree with Briget and Cat! They both said what I wanted to say. 🙂

    You are amazing. Love you SO much!!!

  2. It is now your time. To spend on you.. your needs and your well being!

    So enjoy it!… run wild and do the things that you always put off for ‘someday’.
    You DESERVE THIS!

    xoxoxo
    Briget recently posted…Just SayingMy Profile

  3. Angel, you are a fantastic mom – you did what was the best for him, always. And you are a great supporter fro those of us still in the trenches. I need to post you a Noddy badge (I actually have a real life one)
    cat@jugglingact recently posted…We have just returnedMy Profile

Comments are closed.