Is There Such A Thing As Mommy Limbo…?

I read quite a few mommy blogs.
I have many friends who have young children, and they blog frequently about being a mom to those children.
I belong to a mommy bloggers Facebook group.
I am a mom.
But I’m a mom to a grownup who doesn’t live here anymore, and most of my blogging is now about my dogs

There’s no more school run, homework drama, PTA meetings, parents evenings, or doctor’s visits.
There’s no more OT, fundraisers, play dates, speech therapy, or fighting with teachers over my son’s ADHD.
There’s no more arguments with him over taking his meds, us fighting over everything, or panic when the phone rings (well… almost).
His school life and growing up was hard. His ADHD diagnosis complicated his school life, his home life, his friendships, our family life… Beyond comprehension for people who don’t live with it. Everything was hard work.

And now I feel like my mommy duties have been suspended.

My son is doing really well at the moment.
He’s matured so much in the last 18 months, and he’s worked his backside off – on his own – working and studying! He’s doing an internship where he’s getting an internationally recognised qualification and he’s learning the business around it. It’s really hard work, and the final leg he’s in now has him stressed, but he’s doing it. On his own.
We pay his rent, we buy his groceries and we’re paying for his courses, but unlike the school fees I felt like I was wasting, he’s actually thriving and he wants to do this and do it well.

I only see him a couple of times a month, when I insist on getting a #mamalove selfie to try and make up for how few photos I have of the two of us together, and he doesn’t need me right now.

He needs groceries, but he doesn’t need me to take on belligerent teachers who refused to accept that he had a special needs diagnosis and required extra attention and was allowed extra time during tests and exams.

He needs cigarette money, but he doesn’t need me to take on the bullies who loved to pick on him because he gave them the kind of reactions that feed a bully’s ego.

He needs electricity money, but he doesn’t need me to drive him to endless doctor’s appointments for prescriptions and therapies, that sometimes made me feel like I was stabbing myself in the eye.

He needs us to pay for his trips, but he doesn’t need me to help him with his homework and stock up on stationery.

He’ll probably come back and live at home once he’s finished his internship, while he looks for work and a place to stay, and we’ll probably fight like cat and dog while he’s here, but I will never again be a mom to a little boy who needed me for everything…

Edited to add:

Make no mistake, I am a very happy mom.
I have time to indulge in my hobbies and learn new things. I have learned how to crochet, I have a few grown-up colouring in books. I can be a full time wife to my darling husband. I can work with my dogs.
And I love seeing my boy! We have actual WhatsApp conversations! I miss him like mad, and I am so proud of him.

18 thoughts on “Is There Such A Thing As Mommy Limbo…?

  1. Love, love, love this post and I thoroughly endorse the taking of the selfie whenever you see him 🙂

    I’ve said this before but you two are TWINS! Amazing how alike you look. And that first little boy pic melts my heart – TOO SWEET~!!

    • 🙂 People have always said we look alike, but if you saw a picture of him and his father you’d change your mind!

  2. Mommy Limbo – it’s called “Me Time” – Revel in it, enjoy it and be DAM proud! You deserve it. You have done so well, and now you get to see the rewards for all work you put in all those years, and know that it was worth it. The best rewards always come from the toughest trials. 🙂 :*

  3. Oh Angel – you know I admire you endlessly! Be assured that you can pat yourself on the back with a job well done and that your experience in all this is like a beacon in the dark for many of us.

    I BTW love the bitter sweetness of this post. And I need to take more “ussies”
    cat@jugglingact recently posted…I love summer…My Profile

  4. You have always been an inspiration to me.

    I’m very much in limbo and I truly understand. None of our children live with us full time anymore.

    Some don’t need anything from us financially but thankfully remain close emotionally.
    Wenchy recently posted…I know why the caged bird sings.My Profile

  5. Hi Angel
    Although I’m a single Daddy (to Askii of course) and only known you for a short time, you have been really awesome despite all the obstacles and uphills, I would give you a 21 gun salute from Signal Hill. Of course I won’t use live ammos, imagine the damage I’ll do to the Houses of Parliament, a few dents in the high rise buildings around the Cape Town City Centre……………… lots of love to you always, Daryn xx and Askii woof woof!

    • It’s a pleasure!
      I so wish I had thought of doing selfies before the internet… I was always behind the camera!

  6. Oh boy do I identify with this post! I am in that mommy-limbo with my youngest daughter. She still lives at home, but she’s in second year varsity now and I find it leaves me in a weird space. For exactly the reasons you stated above…. she needs me – but not in anything like the same way she did when she was still at school. It’s taken some adjustment on both our parts, but we are figuring out a lovely new, different sort of relationship. (And we still bang heads regularly over stupid things- some things NEVER change 😉 !)
    Gill recently posted…One + Four = LifeMy Profile

    • I am also loving the changes in my relationship with the knucklehead. We now actually have conversations on WhatsApp! Whole conversations – not just single syllable grunts!

  7. What Gina said. Also, take a bow, lady – for turning out such a happy, hardworking young man, in spite of many obstacles and difficult times!
    MeeA recently posted…Kids’ StuffMy Profile

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