My Attempts At Fiction

Be kind okay, these are in no particular order and they’re stored this way because my sidebar is already a long one…

fantasy fiction…
Dragonlings 1 Dragonlings 2
FFF #34
FFF #38
FFF #48
FFF #49
FFF #52
Flix 1 Flix 2 Flix 3 Flix 4
Leo 1 Leo 2
No More
Non Profit
Tarasque Lives 1 Tarasque Lives 2 Tarasque Lives 3

fiction, but not fantasy fiction…
FFF #28
FFF #29
FFF #31
FFF #39 this one’s kinda post-apocalyptic…
FFF #43
FFF #47
FFF #51
FFF #54

non-fiction… sort of!

Vodka & Red Bull Christmas Cake

Every year someone emails me this recipe- and every year I manage to lose it! Its one of my all time favourites and incredibly requires almost no effort! Have fun bunnies!

1 cup water
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
Lemon Juice
4 large eggs
1 bottle of Vodka
1 can of Red Bull
2 cups dried fruit

1. Sample the vodka to check the quality.
2. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.
3. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and mix with a little red bull and drink.
4. Repeat.
5. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
6. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
7. At this point its is best to make sure the vodka is still ok.
8. Flavour with red bull to taste.
9. Try another cup – just in case turn off the mixerer.
10. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
11. Pick fruit off floor
12. Mix on the turner.
13. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
14. Shample the vodka to check for tonsisticitity, flavour with a little Bed Rull.
15. Next ssiffft two cups of salt. Or something … Who giveshz a shit
16. Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder
17. Pick up the can, mop the floor
18. Check the vodka
19. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
20. Add one table.
21. Add a shpoon of shugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
22. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over..
23. Don’t forget to beat off the turner
24. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the dog.
25. Fall into bed.


Diss Iss Special For Da Sowff Effrikuns Everwhere!

Jannie sit een oggend op die sypaadjie met ‘n bottel swembadsuur, besig om dit oor die miere uit te gooi soos hulle verbykruip.
‘n Engelse priester loop verby, kyk die storie uit en vra: “Good morning, young man. What are you doing with that little bottle?”
“Ek brand die miere, oom.”
Die priester dink dat dit bietjie gevaarlik is vir die laaitie om met sulke tipe van suur te speel en probeer dink aan ‘n manier om Jannie te laat vaar van sy planne:
“I have a bottle of holy water here that you could put on the ants instead. I once put a drop of this on a woman’s belly and she passed a child.”
“Daai’s fokkol”, se Jannie “ek het eenkeer ‘n druppel van hierie goed op ‘n hond se klokke gesit… and he passed a Kawasaki…”

If everyone else on the planet could understand this too- I would have loved to enter it in NMOTB’s joke competition last week!



Your 1920’s Name is:

Violette Jannie


You Are the Very Gay Tinky Winky!

Purple with a gay pride symbol… how could he not be gay?
And that red purse is divalicious!

Me & Damien!

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You’re both aloof, introverted, and moody.
And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!


Your Vocabulary Score: A-

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary!
You must be quite an erudite person.


Your Movie Buff Quotient: 56%

You are well on your way to becoming a movie buff.
You’ve seen many of the great films, and you have even probably developed an expertise in a few genres.


You Are “Dizzy and Giddy”


Your Christmas is Most Like: A Very Brady Christmas

For you, it’s all about sharing times with family.
Even if you all get a bit cheesy at times.


Your Emoticon Is Smiling
22 November 2006, 21h15. Right now, you’re feeling cheerful and content – without a care in the world.


What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.
Overall, your true self is moody and dynamic.
With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.
In love, you seem like a huge flirt.
In stressful situations, you seem cheerful and optimistic.


You Belong in Brooklyn

Down to earth and hard working, you’re a true New Yorker.
And although you may be turning into a yuppie, you never forget your roots.


Your Mommy Is Angelina Jolie

What You Call Her: Old Lady
What people say about yo momma: Yo momma so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.


Your Mommy Is Hillary Clinton

What You Call Her: Big Mama
What people say about yo momma: Yo momma teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.


Your Ideal Relationship is Friends Only

Honestly, you’re not really ready for a relationship right now.
And you prefer to keep things platonic, for now.
That’s not to say that one of your friends could be dating material.
You’re just taking a break for now.