Back To The Dietitian…

We went back this morning, and almost 14 months after we first visited her I am down a whole 2,5kg.

Yes, you read that right.

She went as far as to agree with my Glugster, that seeing her once a month is a waste of our time and money if we don’t take the time and effort to follow her plans and advice.

So. Where to now.

She’s suggested we follow a far stricter plan than we’ve tried so far- high protein, low carb- which will ensure a faster (and more motivational) weight loss, and she’ll change the plan every month to keep us (me) interested. She has also asked my Glugster to be stricter with ensuring we walk more and eat better since he doesn’t have a problem with self control… he just can’t say no to me!
ūüôā
I have now also made a plan to go on Monday to retest my thyroid levels because a screwy thyroid produces the same issues as depression. And until I get my thyroid sorted I won’t know if my anti-antidepressants are even working! I was on the brink of tears in her office and she asked if I was still on the ADs…
I’m also going to go back to see her once a week for a weigh in, to keep a check on myself.
She really is a wonderful dietitian. She doesn’t butter us up and¬†she’s trying every trick in her book to get – and keep – us on the right track.

I am also¬†thinking I need to get my ADHD properly diagnosed and treated…

It Was Time.

I finally went and saw a shrink.
Its been many years since I was last on any kind of anti-depressant medication, and back then I was a single mom and I had a lot of crap on my plate.

I have normal, “every day” stress just like everyone else.¬†My version of it includes:

  • parenting my adult, special needs son who refuses to acknowledge that he needs any kind of treatment
  • worrying about cash flow (AKA ¬†petrol money and groceries)
  • trying to eat properly
  • procrastinating and making more work for myself
  • procrastinating about seeing to my own ADHD…
  • and…
  • and…

Then late last year there was some serious family kak that caused a rift in my family. My extremely close, any excuse to spend time together family. That rift stresses me beyond comprehension and it contributed to a knot of nervous tension that has not dissipated in months. It reached a point where I was crying all the time – for everything.
Except when I was with my Glugster. He is my happy place, my rock, and he keeps me sane. He cooked and cleaned when I was not able to muster the energy to get out of bed.

So I found a psychiatrist who was nearby (and contracted in) and went to see her. She was not at all happy and she wanted to admit me for a week! On her depression rating I scored a 9 out of 10! We chatted for a while- when I wasn’t bawling- and I like her.
She sent me for blood tests to make sure everything else was as it should be (my hopelessly¬†under-active¬†thyroid is a problem), and she wants me to see a psychologist to talk about things she thinks I need to deal with – like the recent family drama. She also thinks I have not properly dealt with losing Nathan…

She prescribed a month of Nuzak since its something I used before – that worked – but I wanted something that didn’t affect mine and my Glugster’s love life in any way, and many ADs do.

So just after 7am this morning, I swallowed my first Wellbutrin. Apprehensively I must add. I’m sitting now waiting for side effects… She also gave me Xanor to take “if I need it” because stopping the Nuzak may make me feel anxious…

I’m a little nervous but I don’t know if its the lack of Nuzak or the new meds…

A Surprising Memory

This morning I was reading Jenty’s most recent post and in it she spoke of how she stressed when her eldest got left behind at school by the lift service they’ve just started using.

I completely felt her anguish as it happened to the knucklehead once too, but I suddenly remembered something that happened to me when I was still in primary school.

I have always had a problem with over reacting. Its something I do. I do it less and less as my son gets older, and I learned ways of controlling my tendency to over react when I was on ADs for a few years as well.

My sister B was a couple of years behind me at school, so when I was in grade 3 she was in grade 1. Naturally I felt responsible for her and looked after her as much as I could. We lived quite a distance from the school as it was the nearest English medium school to our home, and we caught a bus to and from the school. One afternoon, the bus arrived at the school gate and the waiting children filed onto the bus. I was in the line with my school case when I realised my sister B wasn’t in the line with me! I frantically yelled to the driver for the bus to wait and I started searching the school at a run, calling and calling my sister’s name. I managed to delay the bus for several minutes while I ran around like a chicken without a head and I knew the bus was going to want to leave ¬†so I headed back, in tears, and figured I’d try and see what I could do when I got home. I sat on the bus, the centre of attention, surrounded by concerned faces, crying and worrying about my little sister, and then it hit me!

Sister B was at home! She was sick in bed and hadn’t been at school that day!

I was mortified and I don’t remember what happened the next day, but I do remember that I stopped crying almost instantly. I did not, however, tell anyone the truth! I was too embarrassed!

Boots… Boots… Glorious Boots!

Sweets mentioned boots in this post and how she doesn’t really wear them… Me? I can’t have enough boots! I love them! ESPECIALLY in winter!!!

I have a knee-length, camel-coloured suede, low heeled pair.
Chocolate brown zip-up short boots.
Black leather chunky-heeled short boots.
9-up Doc Martins in brown suede.
A black lace-up pointy heels that come to mid calf.
Camel-coloured sorta crumpled suede that come to mid-calf.
A black leather mid-calf lace ups with three buckles at the top.

AND I want a pair of each of these…








On another note… I stopped taking my happy pills a while ago and now I know all about it! Not because I decided I didn’t need them or anything- I know I can’t go without them- but simply because it’s been too much of a schlepp to go to the doctor for a prescription refill. Now of course I am wishing I had… No one is safe around me right now and its taking every ounce of self control not to go barrelling after and into every wanker on the highway… The slightest little thing sends me into a blinding rage, its ridiculous! My colleagues are seeing a side of me that I prefer they didn’t!
I MUST get my refill and start taking them again before I piss everyone around me off totally!

Fack…

paranoia…

neuroses…

obsession…

compulsion…

this is me tonight- my own version of pms self-torture & a lack of happy pills…

best i get to bed before i do something i’ll regret… like drunken text messages? you know the ones? well, i’m not drunk- but i’m THIS close to pulling some stupid stunt…