Being a Valentine

Its Valentines Day today.

My sweet Glugster always surprises me with something sweet on Valentines Day, today there were chocolates and sweeties and a card waiting for me in the kitchen. If its on a weekend, he makes me breakfast in bed, and gets me baked beans – which he hates. 🙂 I packed him a special lunchbox with goodies he likes, and sent him to work with cupcakes. 🙂
We are very lucky in that tonight we’re having dinner and a night out in a fabulous hotel – a prize I won on a radio contest – and I had all of six hours to try and find a puppy-sitter so we can use the prize!

For many years, when I was single, I boycotted V-day. My knucklehead would make cards and things and bring home chocolates from school. And my mommy & daddy darling would help my knucklehead get something special for me. But that was the only celebration I indulged.

And then I met my husband. <3

All through this morning though, I’ve been heartsore… Since we were little, my mommy and daddy darling included us in their Valentines Day plans. My dad loved to celebrate these special calendar days, as commercialised as they may be, and he would get a beautiful card, and a little gift, and take us to the shops to get little gifts from us kids for my mom. And my mom would get a beautiful card and something small for my daddy darling. And as we got older we would make tea, and breakfast in bed, and sometimes we’d make our own cards and gifts – it was never just about them.

And today, its my mommy darling’s first Valentines Day without my dad. Without her Valentine. Her only Valentine. Her only love.

Mommy darling – I wish I could come and make you breakfast in bed. I wish I could bring you a Sweetie Pie and a card. I wish I could be with you all day. I know I could never fill the space, but I love you so very much.

And I love my husband, so very much.

And I know how to love because of you mommy darling, and my daddy darling, and the love you had for each other.

Is There Such A Thing As Mommy Limbo…?

I read quite a few mommy blogs.
I have many friends who have young children, and they blog frequently about being a mom to those children.
I belong to a mommy bloggers Facebook group.
I am a mom.
But I’m a mom to a grownup who doesn’t live here anymore, and most of my blogging is now about my dogs

There’s no more school run, homework drama, PTA meetings, parents evenings, or doctor’s visits.
There’s no more OT, fundraisers, play dates, speech therapy, or fighting with teachers over my son’s ADHD.
There’s no more arguments with him over taking his meds, us fighting over everything, or panic when the phone rings (well… almost).
His school life and growing up was hard. His ADHD diagnosis complicated his school life, his home life, his friendships, our family life… Beyond comprehension for people who don’t live with it. Everything was hard work.

And now I feel like my mommy duties have been suspended.

My son is doing really well at the moment.
He’s matured so much in the last 18 months, and he’s worked his backside off – on his own – working and studying! He’s doing an internship where he’s getting an internationally recognised qualification and he’s learning the business around it. It’s really hard work, and the final leg he’s in now has him stressed, but he’s doing it. On his own.
We pay his rent, we buy his groceries and we’re paying for his courses, but unlike the school fees I felt like I was wasting, he’s actually thriving and he wants to do this and do it well.

I only see him a couple of times a month, when I insist on getting a #mamalove selfie to try and make up for how few photos I have of the two of us together, and he doesn’t need me right now.

He needs groceries, but he doesn’t need me to take on belligerent teachers who refused to accept that he had a special needs diagnosis and required extra attention and was allowed extra time during tests and exams.

He needs cigarette money, but he doesn’t need me to take on the bullies who loved to pick on him because he gave them the kind of reactions that feed a bully’s ego.

He needs electricity money, but he doesn’t need me to drive him to endless doctor’s appointments for prescriptions and therapies, that sometimes made me feel like I was stabbing myself in the eye.

He needs us to pay for his trips, but he doesn’t need me to help him with his homework and stock up on stationery.

He’ll probably come back and live at home once he’s finished his internship, while he looks for work and a place to stay, and we’ll probably fight like cat and dog while he’s here, but I will never again be a mom to a little boy who needed me for everything…

Edited to add:

Make no mistake, I am a very happy mom.
I have time to indulge in my hobbies and learn new things. I have learned how to crochet, I have a few grown-up colouring in books. I can be a full time wife to my darling husband. I can work with my dogs.
And I love seeing my boy! We have actual WhatsApp conversations! I miss him like mad, and I am so proud of him.

A Galaxy Far, Far Away…

Okay, okay. They’re not going to another galaxy, but my parents are moving.

I have never lived more than about 25 minutes from my parents, and that was only for the last 7 years or so. Until then I lived not even 5 minutes away.
Being a single mom I knew that living so close to my parents was invaluable. They were my support structure, my backup, my babysitters, my please-come-to-this-school-meeting-with-me. Changing jobs and moving away wasn’t an option because my son and I needed our family.
They were always there for me, and I got to spend pretty much every family occasion with my parents.

Now my mommy and daddy darling are both retired, they’ve sold the house we moved into when I started high school, and they’re moving into a cottage being built for them on my sister C’s property.
My daddy darling’s health isn’t spectacular and they want to spend their time in each other’s company, and I am so very glad for them both, that they will be able to spend their golden years together. And its a smaller house than the one they were in for nearly 28 years so its easier to maintain, and of course- their precious pooches are going along with them.

They’ve spent the last few months – since the house was sold – packing up boxes and giving things away in order to fit into their new house. We’ve all been given all kinds of things from clothing to crockery, and I have several antique pieces I’m going to try and sell for my folks as well.

The packing and sorting and preparation has made the last few weeks very busy, which has kinda helped…

I no longer need a babysitter, or someone to accompany me to school meetings, but when I think about just how far away my parents are moving it makes me want to cry.

And I know its ridiculous. I’m still going to see them. I’m still going to visit. But they’re not going to be round the corner anymore.

I Have An Incredible Mom

And today its her birthday.

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As my folks are moving house soon my mommy darling gave me a box full of letters and cards that I have given them over the years and it was so much fun going through them. What follows is a collection of the verses and wishes from some of the cards I have given my mom over the years for Mothers Day and birthdays, ‘coz they’re still appropriate.

You’ve shown what love is all about–
through special ways you’ve shared,
with wise advice you’ve offered,
and in tender ways you’ve cared…

You’re always there when needed,
always willing to help out.

It means so much having a wonderful mom…
a mom I can trust and confide in.

A mom I can count on and feel very close to,
as well as respect and take pride in…

The special example you’ve set through the years
inspires me in all that I do.

It means so much having a wonderful mom…
And I’m hoping I take after you.

Happy birthday to a great mom
who patiently guided me from childhood,
through adolescence,
to adulthood…
Sometimes all in the same day!

Mommy darling, I am truly blessed to have you in my life.

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No matter how much you have on your plate you always have time for me. How do I put into words what you mean to me…
I’ve put you through more, and asked you for more than most moms should have to deal with in a lifetime and you never let me down.
My life is full of happy memories and I wouldn’t have that without you.

Happy birthday mommy darling.

I love you more every day.

Songs from My Childhood

I grew up with music playing all the time.

Thanks to my darling parents the soundtrack to my childhood included Uriah Heep, Jethro Tull, The Stones, Led Zeppelin, Elton John, Cliff Richard, The Beatles, The Who, Steppenwolf, The Small Faces, The Monkees, Janis Joplin, The Carpenters, Boston, Neil Diamond, Jesus Christ Superstar… My mommy darling also loved Motown so my musical education was vast and diverse.
The list of artists I grew up listening to is a long one, as was my mom and dad’s vinyl collection and we played it to death.

My grandad also played several instruments including the mouth organ, so family occasions often turned into sing-a-longs with Christmas hymns, big band classics like I’ve Got a Gal in Kalamazoo, Chattanooga Choo Choo, and wartime songs like Wish Me Luck, Begin the Beguine and You Are My Sunshine.

And then there is a collection of children’s songs my mom sang to us, that I sang to my son as he was growing up. Here are a few of my favourites (I can’t find the versions I grew up with, but these are close)…




Did you grow up with music?

Do you sing to your children?