Damien’s Week

The knucklehead spent this week at “holiday school”, because- for obvious reasons- I can’t leave him home alone as much as I used to, and because I am a consultant I can’t take him to work with me like I used to*.

Well, much to his surprise, he thoroughly enjoyed himself! He was a little upset the first two days because someone had brought a bunch of pirate DVD’s to watch (more on his reasons for being upset next week), but he occupied himself anyway. On day three, I arrived to fetch him and the three adults who took it upon themselves to look after these children in the holidays (for a fee of course) had these huge smiles on their faces as they watched me walk towards them. I wondered what was up* then my son emerged from the class with his newest creations, he had made his own little “play place” of little huts made of sticks, fire places, pathways and walls using sand, grass, cardboard, stones and twigs. This is what he does, and as soon as I can I’ll post photos of them (he made more the next day & they all inter-connect on the pathways).

Understand, this is a child who went to holiday school with a bag full of JoJos, marbles, comics, whatever he was in the mood to take everyday, yet he will sit for hours building these things. He even makes aeroplanes out of ice cream sticks* it’s amazing that he can focus so intently on things he likes, but cannot bring himself to concentrate on maths!

Oh, I love my baby!

Next week- “the crime dilemma” as discussed in the car*

My Pet Hate

Those loooong e-mail sob stories that people keep sending.

I loathe them with a passion! You know the ones, about the old lady who’s husband sends her flowers after he’s died, and the one about the kid in the iron lung who was your first friend ever, and the one about the teacher and the letter from Vietnam…

If anyone wants to make me the hell-in, just send me one of those, ESPECIALLY the ones with the little line on the bottom that says: “send this to seven hundred people within the next twelve seconds to prove what a major pain in the butt you are, and to show how little self worth you really have, otherwise you’ll be hit by a bus on your way home”!

I Think I’m Allergic…

To human leeches that is. Apparently I have a sign on my forehead that says “unload emotional crap here”… Lord, give me strength. I know I’m not the only person on the planet to experience this, but here goes anyway, I have a friend who I love dearly, but she’s a “leech”. What I mean by leech- she is never, ever, ever fine. She always has something to complain about. If it’s not her back, it’s her sinuses, or her cramps, her lack of money, or her job, or the men in her life that give her a hard time… geez, give me a break! She’s a single mom, like me. Her son sees little of his father, my son doesn’t know his. She battles financially, helloooo- who doesn’t? She can’t have everything she wants, SO FRIGGIN WHAT. Right now I feel like screaming at her SUCK! IT! UP!

Then, whenever she’s at her lowest, she cries on my shoulder! She asks my advice when the latest man she decided she REALLY liked has walked out on her. Again. Then she flat ignores my advice. I know she comes to me because she wants someone to feel sorry for her, but I’ve never been “soft” with her, I am brutally honest- probably in a vague attempt to make her leave me alone by being mean to her. But she seems to love it when I shit her out! I know this doesn’t sound very Christian of me at all, but right now I REALLY need to vent! I cannot explain how she drains me. I’ve lost count of the number of times we’ve made plans to do something, and she’s bailed on me at the last minute. AAAAAARGH! It’s reached a point where I don’t want to open her emails or answer her phone calls.

But God won’t let me. No, really. It’s like he’s yelling at me when I try to ignore her. She’s on my prayer list everyday, she’s on my house church’s prayer list (and every week I invite her to go with me, as tempting as it is to “forget” to ask her). Every week I remind her what time I’m leaving to go to church, and sometimes I take her son with me. I don’t nag, or preach at her (‘coz I can’t stand it when people do that to me), I just mention that I’m going to church, or to house church. She reads her bible, she prays, and does a bible study of a sort on her own, she even sends me passages she thinks I might find relevant or useful, and I send her stuff too. But her “poor-me-nothing-is-my-fault” attitude drives me insane! I can’t help resenting her and feeling she’s a hypocrite, and then I feel bad and silently apologise- to her and to God. Today, I feel like I want someone else to look after her now. I don’t want to anymore. I’ve had my share of kak, I’ve been around the block, and back… it’s not like my life is a picnic, but it doesn’t seem to occur to her that other people also have a hard time sometimes.

I’ll keep praying for me to be patient, and for her to be okay, and on Saturday I’ll tell her I’m going to church on Sunday… I already feel better- I just had to get this off my chest!

Ready! Aim! Fire!

Me? Angry?

Currently I?m reading a book by Julie Barnhill called “She?s Gonna Blow“. It?s written specially for mothers dealing with anger by a mother who also has to deal with it.

Frankly- it?s frightening. It describes in detail the kind of “explosions” moms can have, from the gently but permanently simmering rage to the explosive murderous episode and she equates them to types of volcanoes. It also gives detailed descriptions of the types of abuse our children are subjected to? the loaded silences, the nasty sarcastic comments (the list goes on)? by us, their mothers AND describes the emotional these things can do. She also suggests ways of identifying the underlying causes of anger. And it?s a good book whether you?re a stay at home mom, a single mom, a work full day mom, a stepmom, it doesn?t matter?. The main “theme” that I have found throughout the book (I?m halfway through it) is one of hope and that I?m not alone- that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If I hadn?t seen so many of these books piled on top of each other in the bookshop I would swear she wrote it especially for me, personally. I feel like checking over my shoulder to see if anyone has registered my shock or horrified expression when I read a particularly accurate passage. Of course there?s no-one in the flat but me and Damien, but I still feel guilty as hell. The book also suggests ways to control my outbursts that actually work! If you?ve had days when you are ready to put your kid on the corner with a ?free to a good home? sign around his/her neck (and we all have) then this is the read for you. It?s also really funny and touching- definitely worth the time.

Thank you for giving me this book sister C, love you.

Bill Of Rights For Misunderstood Kids

I love the fabulous bill of rights for mothers on “mominthemirror” and it made me think of another bill of rights, this one thatmy son’s doctor gave me when we first started seeing him.

HELP ME TO FOCUS*
Please teach me through my sense of touch. I need “hands on” and body movement.
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT*
Please give me a structured environment where there is a dependable routine. Give me an advance warning if there will be changes.
WAIT FOR ME, I’M STILL THINKING*
Please allow me to go at my own pace. If I’m rushed, I get confused and upset.
I’M STUCK, I CAN’T DO IT*!
Please offer me options for problem solving. If the road is blocked, I need to know the detours.
IS IT RIGHT? I NEED TO KNOW NOW*
Please give me rich and immediate feedback on how I’m doing.
I DIDN’T KNOW I WASN’T IN MY SEAT*!
Please remind me to stop, think, and then act.
AM I ALMOST DONE*?
Please give me short work periods with short term goals.
WHAT*?
Please don’t say “I already told you that.” Tell me again, in different words. Give me a signal, draw me a symbol.
I KNOW IT’S ALL WRONG, ISNT’T IT*?
Please give me praise for partial success. Reward me for self improvement, not just for perfection.
BUT WHY DO I ALWAYS GET YELLED AT?
Please catch me doing something right and praise me for the specific positive behaviour. Remind me * and yourself * about my good points when I’m having a bad day.