Okay internetland. Time to advise (if you will) someone very dear to me.
Her predicament, in her own words “i am so in love with my boyfriend that the thought of spending one night without him scares me to tears. we are incredibly close and he’s all i want in a man. he spoils me rotten, treats me like a queen and gives me butterflies 24, 7” their relationship is almost two years old. Problem- he has a daughter from a previous relationship and as much as this special person would love a child as well, he doesn’t see himself having more children. He adores his daughter, and they have discussed this at length. My special friend obviously does not want to break up with the love of her life… what does she do next?
I said I would pray for her and ask you all what you think.
Please don’t be mean as she’s going to read your comments and advice right here- she’s one of my regular readers and for some reason (love you for this “Y”) thinks I am wise and a good mom and that I may be able to give her advice!
A little help here…
Being Angel
Wife, mom, mom-in-law, Guide Dog Puppy Raiser, ex-cake artist, ADHD champion, hooker for fun, and tattooed cat slave.
Thank you all for your advise. i am so grateful for all who offered to pray for me, i am sure it will give me clarity in future. and anonymous – it helps to know i am not the only one in this boat…
I hear you girl. My man has a daughter who he adore’s aswell, and I wish with all my heart I could have given her to him, but it was not me, it was another woman, his prev wife. He is also somewhat older than me, but I have decided to accept what ever decision is made wrt having children, because I love him, and he adore’s me, and to decide between the love of my life, and children, seems a battle I cant fight. And that to me is the key… If you love him, and you want to stay with him, you have to make the sacrifice, and accommodate his decision if he does not back down. Dont hold your breath, but maybe, he see’s what you are doing for him, and responds with accommodation of your needs, and sacrficies a bit of himself to give you what you need. You will be in my prayers too.
angel said… just testing for you “C”. love you!
All I can think of saying is my heart really goes out to you. It really is horrible to have to choose, and speaking from experience as a stepmom, it is not easy to love another woman’s children, that instant bond just isn’t there, it take YEARS of hard work and emotional struggle, and alot of times the children from the first marriage get put before the second wife. It does not always happen, but sometimes the second wife and the stepchild just dont get along, a friend of mine is in a situation like that, and she has just given up trying to make an effort with the child. Hard to hear, but it is true, the fathers dont always realise they are doing that, but the stepmoms always feel it.And if he has already made his choice with regards to having another baby, he is obviously only thinking of himself and perhaps it’s time for you to make a decision for yourself too. My husband has two children from his first wife, but we had a baby together too.
Only you can make a decision, no-one can tell you what to do – I only pray that you will find happiness, and who knows, maybe it will be with another really wonderful man.
My prayers are with you.
Difficult situation your friend is in. The collegue of mine (a male) is married for 3 years almost. He does not want children, he is in his 40s. His wife is 27 and wants a baby… Constant conflict!
But what he said to me might give your friend an insight.
– Man WANTS a child only when totally in love with his woman. Men appreciate their children through the eyes of the mother.
Maybe it is not the case here, but I would question the situation if my man does not want to have children with me. What are the reasons?
In my opinion? move on. if he really doesn’t want more children, and she viscerally knows that she wants a child, it will just lead to heartbreak. and if he doesn’t want a child, it would be wrong to try to force him or talk him into it..