What To Do, What To Do

I’ve been wracking my brains for something interesting to say today, but honestly- all I can think about is next week’s “Youth Crime Prevention Seminar” that Damien and I have to attend. I have taken the three days off and Damien is on a short school holiday- but every time I get excited about having a long weekend, I remember WHY I’m having a long weekend and then I get butterflies again. I KNOW that I’m making things out to be worse than they could be and I’m doing it all in my head and we’ll probably come out of the other end okay- just like what happened the first time he had to go to court- but telling myself that doesn’t stop my heart from doing cartwheels! For as long as I can remember I’ve always imagined the worst! Like Damien going to visit a friend, I imagine him getting lost or hurt or worse (let’s not go there). Here’s a perfect example- I used to go to school by bicycle, and if I saw a patch of gravel on the road I could see exactly how the bike would slip out from under me and I could see exactly how I would be hurt if I hit the gravel at the wrong angle with my bicycle. It was like watching a mini movie in my head. And I still do it. Give me two seconds and I can imagine- I technicolour- the worst possible scenario for the place or situation I’m in. Go ahead- test me!! Escalators and elevators- don’t get me started. Not to mention germs. Half the time I feel like I’m living in a barely controlled state of OCD-ness! I’m drifting a little here but bear with me, this might explain a little of how my mind works and why next week bugs me so (apart from what would bug anyone else in a similar situation). Here’s one of my “things”. I check that my front door is locked AT LEAST four times before I go to bed at night. It’s the only point of entry to our flat and when I shut the door I lock it. I know I do. But between going to the loo and switching off lights and actually getting into my bed- I will go back and check it again several times. And often I will get out of my bed twenty minutes after getting in and check it again. I know I’ve locked it, and I know I’ve checked it, but I just can’t NOT check it again.
But I can quite happily go on holiday without worrying about whether I’ve switched off the stove and the iron and such.
And then on a completely separate problem- I will be sans internet and email for almost a week! Unless I go to the office while Damien is busy with day one which defeats the whole object of taking leave in the first place!
Anyhoo, am leaving you now to mull over what could happen to us on our way home today*

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