Where did that come from I hear you ask?
Well, when you’re really good friends with someone- you can usually go for quite a while without visiting or calling, or emailing, and then out of the blue you hook up again and it’s like no time has passed. Some friends require a regular check in to reassure them they’re still in with you* and others are quite happy to get together every couple of years to party and catch up and go home again. I have many friends and they fit into all categories. I have one in particular who requires a couple of emails or text messages a week over and above visits- or she starts to think nobody likes her anymore. She’s insecure, I know that. And she drives me crazy sometimes- but we often have to hold each other up and she’s there if I need her- so I mail, visit and text her regularly. I have many other friends whom I visit sporadically (and vice versa) but they are incredible people and I love them to death, and when we do visit we spend many, many hours in each other’s company talking and laughing and eating and drinking. I have one friend who I regard as very close to me- yet we’ve never met face to face! Not once. Our relationship is purely telephone and email based. But I would sorely miss her if I never heard from her again.
Now to get back to my original statement- ANY AND ALL RELATIONSHIPS TAKE WORK. Be it romantic, family, friendship or colleagues. It takes work and conscious effort to keep them running smoothly. Think about it- birthdays and anniversaries are not forgotten! Special occasions get celebrated- remotely or in person, whatever- it REALLY is the thought that counts! And it takes work from BOTH sides of the relationship too- one person cannot be responsible for everything. When this happens- it usually dies a slow painful death and cannot be revived. I have lost contact with many people over the years because I was the one doing all the work in the relationship, and I for one cannot put up with that. Just remember to analyse a relationship and put things into perspective before making the decision to cut ties with someone. Often when you sit and think about something in detail you remember things you’d forgotten and there’s really no need to be fed up.
But sometimes- especially with family- you literally have to “be the bigger person” to use a really kak cliché, and pretend nothing has happened if you want things to carry on as they were. You have to pick up wherever it was you left off and carry on- “wipe the slate clean” to use another cliché. Family members can very easily hurt each other’s feelings when they’re a close family because you get to know each other particularly well. If you hold something like a lack of contact or a snide comment against your brother/ sister/ son/ mother- it really is FAR too easy to lose contact altogether, and in a family like ours it doesn’t only affect the two who are pissed at each other. And more often than not- one half of the “argument” is unaware that the other person is “hurt”. I’ve been there- I treated my younger siblings like shite when I lived at home, and since then we’ve had a few arguments too- our relationship is far from perfect. I was a bitch to put it mildly. If they hadn’t forgiven me for that and allowed me to try and make it right I probably would have been alone in the world now.
So that’s my two cents for today- when it comes to family- BLOODY WELL FORGIVE AND FORGET AND MAKE NICE! You hear me!?
(email post)