Calm down, calm down- it’s not that unusual. The thought started like this. . . Damien’s been talking about his father more and more. I’m kind of glad he’s feeling comfortable enough to do this, but at the same time I still flinch inside when he does mention him. I’ve always told Damien I will help him look for his father one day, if he wants to see him, but not before he turns eighteen. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe Damien’s father is waiting for that too. When Damien is eighteen, I can’t prevent him from seeing his father, or vice versa. I also can’t claim any back pay of maintenance like I could do were he to pitch up now. You see, Damien’s father and I have a verbal (yet legally binding) agreement not to have any contact whatsoever, including maintenance payments and/or gifts and letters. That agreement will be effective until Damien comes of age, i.e. eighteen yeas old. I also felt brave enough to mention this idea to Damien. He said it had never occurred to him before either. I also told Damien about the document his father signed about eight years ago allowing Damien to be adopted by a man I marry. I got the document done because when my cousin got married and wanted to adopt his wife’s little girl- and despite her being in the same situation as me (no contact or maintenance) he still needed the girls biological father’s permission to adopt her. I wasn’t seeing anyone at the time; it was just in case I need it one day. His provisos on signing? That I not try to claim money from him- Damien’s father- were I to get divorced! Can you bloody credit it!?! He refused to sign away his parental claim to Damien though- and this I didn’t tell Damien. I’ll have to tell him one day, before his father does.