Self-Actualised People Are Independent Of The Good Opinion Of Others

Wayne Dyer says that. I think it’s a fabulous maxim to live by. I want my darling Damien to grow up and be happily independent, and I want him to know that now already.

Damien and I talk about our future on a regular basis. I want him one day to be able to earn a living doing something he loves to do. If this means he’ll be living in a tent on a beach, or in his car, or whatever… it doesn’t matter. As long as he’s happy- I’m happy. Damien doing what he wants to do is IMMENSELY important to me. And I am convinced that his future happiness will in no way depend on how much money he earns. Too many kids are pushed into a career they have no interest in because their parents want them to earn a good living.
At the same time- I don’t want him to think that I can’t wait for him to leave home and leave me to do my own thing!
I tell you… it’s a fine line to walk, bunnies.
I want Damien to know that one day when he’s grown up, I plan to go back to school, maybe start my own business, definitely travel. One day when he’s grown I want to do the things I decided many years ago to put off so that I could focus all my attention on him. So that now I get to send Damien to the best school I can afford. Now I can afford to allow him to explore his interests and encourage him to know where his talents and abilities lie. Now I can let him work out what he wants to be one day and guide him in decisions that can influence his future.
And when we discuss our future- we talk about what I expect from him. What I want and hope for him.

One thing that does come up is money, obviously. When he’s 16, he’ll be allowed to work legally, and I would like to help find him a job for weekends and holidays. But he also understands that when he starts working and earning some money, when he can afford it he will be responsible for his own expenses- like deodorant and condoms and hair gel and ear rings and such like. And depending on what he earns, I expect him to contribute to board and lodging as well. I have also told him that living with me indefinitely is also not an option. Obviously I’m not going to kick him out when he’s 18 or something, but I don’t want him to still be living with his mom when he’s thirty something… a’la Failure To Launch (and his father)… KWIM!?
I also know what I like, and I have a vague idea of where I’d like to “go” one day. I definitely don’t want to suddenly find myself alone at home with no idea what to do with my time!

9 thoughts on “Self-Actualised People Are Independent Of The Good Opinion Of Others

  1. vangie: i was (and still am) exceptionally blessed with the parents i was given to… they gave us ample opportunity to live and learn!

    cheryl: thank you! i just know your little superstars will be successful in many ways one day!

    nmotb: heh heh- can’t let my darling be broke one day and blame me for not warning him!

    spookie: can’t believe i left that out- my darling damien will always be welcome at home… hence the fine line! love you too!

    allan: thank you!

    katy katy katy: i am finally doing something i like and my life is SO much more fun now!

    supermom: thanx mel- thats a fabulous compliment coming from a supermom!

    tomcat: teehee… 23 is still young dude- and its not like you have no plans!

  2. eeesh i’m 23 and still parking at home.

    not that i don’t wanna move out though. i’m DYING to buy my own apartment, if not for greater independence then just for the opportuning to go crazy at @Home. 😉

  3. You are a good mom Angel. It sure is a fine balance. The mere fact though that he knows how you are feeling and that he is supported must make a world of difference

  4. I think loving ones job is very important. I love all of mine which is why I am able to do them. While I could find a higher paying job I wouldn’t like it so I am waiting to finish my school and then go after the one that makes me happy

  5. I know how you feel. And I often talk with my boys too about doing somethng they love when they grwo up. And that if they do leave home and find they cannot quite make it, they can always come back home. There will always be a room for them at home too. Like you say though – it is a fine line to tred and I don’t want them to feel rushed in any way.

    Good post. Your doing a FINE job with Damien!
    Love you!

  6. Nice Post there my friend! You are a good mom and everything you have done and sacraficed for D is going to be so well worth it in the end, you are preparing for what is lying ahead and it is good that kids are aware and understand this!!!!

  7. I think it’s so wonderful that you both talk about your futures–both together and also independently of one another!
    I also have always tried to let my girls know that I will not push them into any career or direction. I want them to do what will satisfy them, not what will make the most money or will follow in something I would want them to do. I want them to be happy doing something that, hopefully, will be meaningful to others!
    Great post!!

  8. This is marvelous. I have to say, sadly, that me own parents did nothing to prepare me for the world. And when I was 18 they actually DID make me move out. It was awful and I failed miserably for years. I know they thought they were giving me the right to grow on my own. But it didn’t teach me how to make a life for myself. It only showed me how to survive. Huge difference between living and surviving.

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