It’s So Totally Silly, Bunnies, and It Annoys Me Immensely

And I’m not talking about cell phone text- chain messages either, though that’s high on my list today!

What irks me so much lately; is that someone who gets as much attention as I do (in reality as well as virtually) should be so forking INSECURE despite this fact!

One of my blog friends even calls me a “comment slut” and I so am!!!!

And I know I’m insecure. I argue with myself, and explain to myself the total illogicality of feeling like I do, and I get really pissed at myself for feeling it too. But it happens anyway.

Paranoid, insecure, neurotic and compulsive…


PINC but basically happy… that’s me!

See bunnies, I have no problem getting attention- I never have had a problem getting attention. Most people looking at me or meeting me for the first time will see an extrovert and an exhibitionist. I am very seldom intimidated by someone I meet… but it happens once in a blue moon. Usually- I am smart, funny, and I never shut up. And if I feel I’m not getting any attention at a particular point in time, I simply make it happen.

Is it a kind of addiction maybe?

As in the more I get the more I want?

Switching attention to me to get myself a “fix”….?

I think it may well be… especially since on the inside, I wonder if people genuinely are sincere, and really like me… or just fancy my cleavage, mwaaaaahahahahahaaaa!

No seriously bunnies, I am a cynic and a skeptic, and I don’t always believe what people tell me. Especially if it’s something I have been hoping to hear…

Every so often I am lucky enough to meet someone new, and we simply “click” like we’ve known each other forever- and I’m very lucky in that my close friends are exactly like that!

But other people, when I meet them, I work to take my time before trusting them fully, because if I am not careful I find myself over-sharing and giving personal information to people who may well abuse what I tell them, and I’m not talking about sharing email or telephone numbers- I mean personal info about me and mine that can be used in gossip and rumour. And ever since high school people have loved to talk about me, and it doesn’t worry me terribly as “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” and all that… but what hurts is when I hear something I told someone, mistakenly assuming it was in confidence, coming back to me via someone else!

And if you tell me something, it stays with me. Whether it’s something you tell me in an email, in a text message, face to face, or even in a group of people, it stops with me- no matter what it is. Telling others is your job.

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So where’s this coming from? Well, for one thing… I have to renew the scrip for my happy pills, and insecurity is one of the effects of going without them for an extended period of time… But there’s another reason. You knew I was going to say that didn’t you?

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Tell me, oh all-knowing bunnies of mine, have you ever known someone who can make your spine tingle simply by looking at you? Someone who can make your heart race simply by emailing you? Someone who can make take your breath away simply by speaking to you?

Well I do…

He is sexy, intense, intelligent, loyal, smart, creative, entertaining and gorgeous.

I long to be able to hold him, to kiss him, to wake up to him, to smell him on my skin… I long to be able to go to him whenever I think about him and just tell him I’m thinking about him, without fear of who will know about it or who will see. I wish I could wrap my arms around him and tell him how I feel- honestly and openly.

Truthfully bunnies- if I were able to, I would go to him every chance I got and just kiss him and hold him. I want him to tell me he feels the same way, to tell me he wants to hold me and kiss me and make love to me and keep me safe. I want to make him feel safe, and happy. I long to be able to tell the world who he is and how I feel about him…

For a number of reasons- what I want is impossible. A major reason being the possibility that however mutual the “attraction” seems to me… I start to wonder if it is simply a case of someone paying attention to me that has simply made me delusional.

And I know I can be such a girl about things like this- no matter what I try to tell myself I want or need…

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Feel free to shit me out now.

24 thoughts on “It’s So Totally Silly, Bunnies, and It Annoys Me Immensely

  1. Hey, hey, little Missy! You are way to hard on yourself. Oh, sure I know that syndrome well but YOU are not allowed to be so critical of yourself. So what? It feels good to have attention. So what? xoxoxo

  2. anonny-mouse: now worries girl, i love that you know me so well!!! i’m a self confessed comment slut anyway- i think i must add it to the above comment message!!!
    it is confusing- but i didn’t say whether he’s married or not- just that he’s unavailable in more ways than one. although i see now that my post may have implied he has a partner…
    the unavailability is definitely a factor- mystery and all that- as is what i feel for him over and above a sensual/ sexual attraction!

  3. I AM CONFUSED HERE? From what everyone else is writing u like some chap, like him alot but he is married?
    Do you think the reason why u fancy him rotten is cos he is unavailable?
    Remember reality would cause him to be irritating and be selfish occasionally and burp and fart and be real so enjoy the fantasy but leave it there.
    PS, I hope I didn’t offend you about the comment slut thing???

  4. louisa: i think a big part of the problem is that i’m enjoying being stuck between running and leaping!

    dyna girl: woah… are you psychic? i’ll be amazed as i don’t think i’ve never mentioned him- and sadly, geography is not the problem…

  5. I know him. He’s more insecure than you. I know who you are talking about.

    It’s not the geography that’s the real obstacle and neither is your insecurity.

    It’s your gut. Because you are right.

  6. Hehehe..angel, for what it’s worth I think you’re SUPER-cool and you have no reason to feel insecure.

    As for your OOD (Object of Desire), if it feels right and it feels mutual then maybe you should have a closer look? On the other hand: not sure what’s making it impossible – but I guess you know what’s possible and what’s not possible. Just take care of yourself – whether that means taking a leap of faith or a run for the hills is something you have to decide.

  7. Oh, man, I hate it when I feel like that. And yes, it’s often a question of brain chemistry. And I think you’re fab, without ever having seen or drooled over your breasts, so there.
    And remember: “if heaven doesn’t exist, what will we have missed? This life is the best we’ve ever had…”

    so dream, and do something about it if it’s appropriate and there is an opportunity. Above all, Do No Harm.

  8. About the last thing you mentioned. I know the feeling. I know the feelings of someone’s being, all alone attracting me to them and making me feel totally helpless and at their beckoned call. It’s happened to me more than once. Faerie is right though. Don’t leave yourself so vulnerable.

  9. fish: and now is when i wish i could see into the future, or suddenly gain some kind of psychic ability!

    faerie: but its nice to dream…

  10. Ditto. About almost all of it. OK not that I have the hots for anyone right now but I know that feeling well. I hope you get what you’re dreaming of.
    And I like the new look here, btw.

  11. Angel. You know what is right and what isnt. And as for the person or persons that have betrayed you. Call them out. Then dust yourself off and dont bother more with it. Over. done. Finito.

    As for “him”, girl please…. you are leaving yourself wide open.

  12. sometimes, things are more complicated, than it seems…and perhaps, this man, just doesnt dare to dream the same way about you, knowing, that there is little chance…some people live lives, that are much more difficult, than it may seem…
    I’m just guessing here…

  13. I have stuff to say about this … I don’t have time now but I WILL be back young lady!!

  14. sweetass: i see you! thanx babe- and i’m not referring to a specific betrayal, it was just in general…

    shebee: ah, now see, there’s a part of me that wonders if i really do…

    szarek (will): aw you’re so sweet!

    p.p.: you’re right, i know, i just have to reprogram myself… heh heh

  15. It may be a little easier for us to give you advice if we knew a litte more details on this situation. ;o)

    If in fact this dude is married and he isn’t making plans to be with you and only you then why waste your time with him.You’re only setting yourself up for heart ache.

    Move on if you have to!

  16. pinc….pinc…GOOD GOD!!!

    You see Angel I wont shit you out over all this…I mean its cool…Im gona shit you out about PINC….never mind what it stands for…just the word that comes up…WHY PINC…fuck I hate that color…espesially ’cause I see it to much


  17. Awww. I hope it is sorted out soon, my friend!

    You deserve to be able to do those things with a man.

  18. angel…bunny wunny…sending lots of cyber attention you way *waving my arms like a mad woman over here*….oh boy…lemme just tell you that you are a super duper special lady who deserves to get what you want and need… don’t settle for second best…

    who betrayed your secrets???

  19. b: aaaalrighty then… i meant shit me out about being so PINC, not about my choice of host… MY CHOICE OF HOST being the operative phrase here…

    nosjunkie: hhmmm… it wasn’t sposed to sound that way, but i spose that would be a fairly obvious conclusion- though maybe not the right one…

  20. Spammer

    Angel hunny I hate to tel you this but this guy sounds married.
    well at least thats the way it came across here

  21. Hi,

    You have great style. Like the way you write and can see the spirit in which you tackle the days ahead.

    Only thing i feel that you should change is your blog software or theme.Perhaps try wordpress?? (<-- doesnt seem to suit your style properly)dunno just an idea. Stay fab and keep banging your keyboard into submission. B

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