A Smile To Start Your Monday…


Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent , please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional , press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell You which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, hang up. it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons. You’ll just mess it up.

8 thoughts on “A Smile To Start Your Monday…

  1. Hee hee. Can’t wait to see what you and have Glugs have eaten over the weekend! LOL.

  2. greg: you’re going to an awful lot of trouble to spam me aren’t uou…? go fuck your whole self!

    stef: i feel sorry for the person with ocd…

  3. I’ve been suffering from memory loss for quite some time and after visiting http://www.photographic-memory.org, I have learnt so much more about memory loss, how to identify symptoms and exercises to improve my condition. I can see imporvement in my condition. You should try too if you are having the same problem as me.

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