Should I Be Worried…

… that when I read other mommy blogs about how proud they are of their children and how full of mommy love they are and how much they love their kidlets… that I can’t seem to summon up any of those feelings for my knucklehead?

Make no mistake- I will never ever stop loving him, he is my Damien.

But I don’t like him very much right now.

I want my little Strawbreez back.

I want my little snugglepumpkin back… the little monster who would squish his feet in behind my bum on the couch- back when he still fitted on one cushion- so we could watch TV together.

I want my munchkin who used to want to sit on my lap and wrap his arms around my neck and snuggle up to me for absolutely no reason other than I happened to be sitting down.

As smart as he is, and as brilliant as I know he can be, I am THIS close to telling him to get the hell out and make something of himself!

He spends all day every day at home. Playing PS2, watching TV, smoking the odd joint, and eating me out of house and home. He’s still taking his meds as far as I can tell- apart from last week- but the grass counteracts it, and he knows that! And he knows I don’t want him smoking it because its illegal as well as bad for him.
I just don’t know what to do anymore to try and motivate him to do something for himself!
He’s making no attempt to find work, and as much as I am enjoying having no school related stress anymore- he is slowly but surely using up all his credit in my good books.

Any other moms to adults out there ever felt this way?

22 thoughts on “Should I Be Worried…

  1. Sometimes, I feel the same way about my eight year old. She's a handful and I dispair her growing into anything other than a violent little hoodlum, but she's still mine, so it makes it 'ok'. I love my daughter, but can't bring myself to love her behaviour, I guess.

  2. no kids yet … but i love your honesty! sometimes i want to shrink my husband a bit 🙂

  3. I pretty sure my parents couldn't stand me from the time I was 17 til I was 21. OH and can you guest post for me once this summer.

  4. Faerie: I do know how you feel about the weed, and you know my feelings on the subject. I just can't allow weed but tell him he's not allowed to shoplift… they're both illegal, and its a line I can't cross till he learns some savvy and can decide whether to cross it or not himself one day.
    Strongs with your girls…

    Brigitte: Squishes my sis, I'm sorry.

    zola237: Well, I'm now helping the knucklehead "look" more than I was before because he didn't make a plan himself.

    Solitaire: Oy… nightmare!

    Simply-Mel: Thank you… strongs to you!

    Spear: And that trick I haven't learned yet…

    Panni: Its so frustrating to watch someone waste their abilities like that…

    Husbands Anonymous: Dude- you're more than welcome! i just say "moms" as a reflex because there was never "mom & dad" in my equation.
    Thank you for the praise… I'm blushing.

    Malicious Intent: A rock and a hard place as always.
    Girl, you are a mommy-heroine to me. I'm so sorry the world has to be so cruel as to have to make #2 learn lessons like that at 11.

    acidicice: 😀

    momcat: I have helped him look, and he's been around the shopping malls near us with a short CV…

    Maggie: I do hope he gets over it soon… so do you get yourself some cupcakes?

    Laura: {{{HUGS}}}

    Elise: I'm trying…

    Sometimes Saintly Nick: Thank you Nick.

  5. I think that you're in a situation that most parents experience to some degree or other. I did.

    I wish there were some universal advice I could pass on; there isn't because each situation is different.

    I will say that your and Damien are in my prayers and thoughts.

  6. Angel, I really don't know what to say. These parenting times are difficult, but they will get better. Your boy will grow up and make something of himself. Try not to get too worked up. xx

  7. I have no advice! But can offer a (((HUG)))

    This parenting thing is a challenge every single freaking day!

  8. I don't know any people that feel that loved-up towards their eighteen year olds. Most of them are just praying that 'it's a phase'. And ten-to-one it is. Good luck with it.
    He sure was a cute little Strawbreez and I'm sure he will be again. Maybe not the 'little' part, but the 'cute' and 'Strawbreez' parts 😉 Let's face it, none of us were at our best at that age.

    Why is it every time I visit your blog I get a craving for cupcakes!

  9. Maybe he doesn't know how to go about getting a job for himself. Sometimes boys of that age need to be pointed in the right direction. Dael didnt find his job. My sister heard that they were interviewing at her work. I faxed his cv through and phoned and told him. Get dressed, you gotta be at an interview in half an hour. I picked him up, drove him there and he got the job. Okay he doesn't like the job too much but he knows that he needs the money to be able to go out and buy clothes etc that he needs. Dont take it personally. Eventually he will come around to realise that he needs to get a job but not if you keep nagging him. Dael is even having to pay to book for his learners etc, just like his sister before him had to.

  10. I think it is quite common for women to want to have their 'baby' back. I've heard it over and over again. Rudi's friend who has an 8 month old wants me to get knocked up so she can have another newborn to play with because her baby is getting big so quickly. Totally normal.

    As for being frustrated with the teenage years…I bet you're not alone.

  11. I love the Dad who posted, need more Dads who post, we don't see enough and certainly should encourage more!!!

    One day at a time huh, one day at a time. You will work it out.

    You know why I know this? Not because you have the answers to every problem or because we do. But because you care a lot and think about it a lot and talk about it a lot. You work through each problem, one at a time. And you do love him…even when you want to choke the shit out of him some days.

    That is how I know you will make it work out.

  12. I've blogged about it- despite being a Dad, I can still comment, right?
    I feel that way now! Some days I want to hide away, even though they are just small kids. Love them when they are easy (10% of the time), but it is damned hard to stay sane. Neen and I give each other time off, just to break up the routine of shouting. I can't imagine what it must be like when the issues become more adult. Said it before, will say it again- You are a great mom for caring.

  13. I can't speak out of a mom's point of view, but I can understand to a degree where you are coming from. My brother-in-law is the same at the moment. He has had learning difficulties from day one and has been to a special school and only made it to standard 6 by the age of 16. Anyway, he now (at age 19) sits at home all day, playing computer games or watching tv, hiding behind his "disability" even though he IS intelligent, and relies on his parents and my husband to support him and give him everything he wants. I strongly believe that he should be pushed to find work, so that he can learn a skill and some life skills so that he can grow up.
    (Not really your situation but I am also frustrated)

  14. From a parent's perspective, mine is still cute and cuddly, but I know what is to come. When I used to be a social worker, I found it very difficult to work with teenagers (some people are very good at it though)

    From ADDer perspective. I am only ever motivated when there REALY is something in it for me. The trick is to find something which is interesting on top of rewarding enough though.

  15. Sjoe – well you know where I am in my life right now so I cant comment really.

    Kicking him out will almost kill you but maybe making him FAR LESS comfortable at home may induce a desire in him to find SOMETHING ELSE to do.

    I feel for you Angel.

  16. Well whatever you do you can't make things too easy for him. Otherwise he's gonna end up like my roommates bf who is… wait for it…26 and still gets his mother and/or my roommate to pay for everything…

  17. I remember when my mom and dad felt like you with my sister. She also did not make any effort into finding a job for herself, she just wanted to sit at home and watch TV and sleep the whole day.

    Until my dad got her a job with someone he knew and she did not take any chances not to go and do her best. From that day on she got the feel of responsibility and now she is 24 (still working).

    I know that not everyone knows someone who can help one's kid with a job.

  18. I get it too. I love my oldest – but I don't like him too much either at this stage. I get the silent treatment unless he wants something. To be honest I look forward to the time he does move out and go it alone.
    I mean, he knows EVERYTHING and has ALL the experience in the world at his great and wise age of 16, so i say go for it boet – but don't come crying to me when you find out how good you had it at home.
    Honestly life is so much more pleasant at home when he's not there… And that's not just my opinion.

  19. I got one who is so low functioning that no matter how bad it gets, I feel like I cannot hold it against him, ever. That gets hard and some times I do feel very disconnected from him and even question if I ever was connected to start with. It gets pretty lonely trying to figure out #1, especially when he cannot talk.

    #2 is still at that age where everything is amazing and he still wants to please. But he is 11 and I see bits of teenage hood peeking out and some mouth on him here and there. Testing waters now and then. It's coming, I know it. I got the first wave of "My two friends won't come over anymore because of #1." Ouch. I knew it was coming, it was only a matter of time before #1's disability would start to affect #2's social life. And here we are. I am expecting the rebellion and resentment phase to kick into gear next. We knew it was coming…and have prepared. I just hope we are ready.

    You are doing the best you can. Maybe kicking him out on his duff for a spell would be an eye opener….of course you and I both know you won't sleep one damn bit if you do. Another no win situation…we get into a lot of those huh?

  20. oh and i know your feelings on the weed vs alcohol… i feel the opposite but nonetheless they need to do whatever they are doing in moderation… WTF? … i am so resenting having to go to court, fuck them, make them go themselves, but the judge requires my being there. ugh

  21. yes angel.
    i wonder when im going to fall in love with my kids again. right now, not at all in love with them, either one.
    maybe i wasnt cut out to parent. who knows… but this part sucks so bad its made me question myself over and over.

Comments are closed.