So When Do We Acquire The “Label” Of Infertility?

When does a couple become “infertile”? Are you an infertile couple if only one person has issues? Are you a couple dealing with infertility if you’ve only been trying for a few months? Because I must be honest- I get exceptionally fucked off annoyed when someone actually has the audacity to complain about trying to fall pregnant without success- when it’s been all of 3 months!!!

What “qualifies” someone for this title?

It may sound strange, but I genuinely believe it’s a hard earned title, even if it is unwanted.

And please, for heavens sake, don’t tell me to relax and/ or stop thinking about it… or that it’ll happen when we stop trying.

When I’m not worrying about the knucklehead and his shenanigans (which is about 6 posts in and of itself in the last few weeks- which are all negative so I haven’t finished them), then our trying to have a baby is pretty much about ALL I think about.

Yes, I now have wedding planning to distract me a little, but my thoughts are dominated by our TTC adventure. By far.

I check and recheck calendars and dates almost obsessively.

I daydream and wish and hope and pray all the time.

I have stopped smoking, cut out all alcohol, cut out most caffeine and I’m trying to watch what I eat in order to lose some weight (which is where I am failing miserably).

We’re both taking supplements and vitamins that are supposed to aid fertility- and which cost a fucking fortune.

I Google symptoms and statistics and look for websites that will give me tips and tricks… anything that may give me a solution.

I tell all the doctors I have to see that I am trying to fall pregnant, so anything they decide to give me had better be pregnancy safe.

And I get so pissed off when aunt Flo arrives every month that you’d think she was an actual person on whom I could vent my anger and frustration.

A part of me wants to move forward and decide that yes, we are battling with infertility… but it’s only been 11 months. And that’s such a short space of time…

That same part of me is terrified of making that call because I am afraid of dealing with it “officially”. And I am afraid of making that decision, because then I may want to consider going for treatments and such- which we decided we weren’t going to do because of the strain it causes in so many aspects of a couple’s life.

We are looking at going to see a specialist simply to find out if our endeavours thus far have made a difference at all, because if they haven’t it’ll be a real waste to continue, and then we may stop trying sooner than the end of December.

But we’ll see.

And we’re pretty much carrying on as we would were we not trying. We’re making plans for holidays, and trips overseas. We’re planning our wedding. I’m thinking about courses I’d like to do and starting my own business. its not like we’ve put everything on hold until we have a baby. And we’re really trying to stay positive about the possibility of having our own baby too.

Thankfully our sex life remains spectacular… I think I may have put a stop to this endeavour already had our sex life suffered at all because of this.

Giving ourselves a time limit for trying to have a baby may baffle a lot of people, but I think its keeping me sane. Knowing that we won’t be doing this forever makes it a little bit easier to deal with. But at the same time, I find myself wondering how I could limit myself so.

I am already 35 years old- and you can ask any expert, the fertility downhill slide for women starts then. I am relatively healthy, and I have been pregnant twice before with no problems, but I am getting older.

And yes, I know there are women having babies naturally well into their forties nowadays. And yes, I know there are options and treatments, but there’s never a guarantee.


My darling Glugster has problems too. We knew this when we started.

Having an idea of what we faced when we started made a big difference because we weren’t going in blind… but it still doesn’t make it any less disappointing when I start my period again every month.

And then there’s stopping TTC.

I think it sounds dreadful. And the thought reduces me to tears because I will be admitting failure.

At this point in time, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to call it off… but when we decided to go ahead with this we made the decision not to keep trying forever.

And when we do decide to stop trying to conceive a child of our own, it’s not simply going to be a case of saying we’re stopping and leaving it at that.

I am 90% sure that I will be going back onto the pill because I know that if I don’t, I will always be “trying”.

That I will be holding my breath every fucking month that “…maybe this time…

…come play on my rollercoaster…

24 thoughts on “So When Do We Acquire The “Label” Of Infertility?

  1. I am a mom of triplets – through fertility treatment and the spesialist i was at (and he is considered to be VERY good) told us the following:
    1. Stress does not cause infertility as there are many stressed-out people in the world falling pregnant.
    2. 18 months is normal for any couple to keep trying – after that see a specialist.

    If you BOTH have been checked out and there are no problems then just take it day by day.
    If you BOTH have not been checked out ie. sperm count, ovaries scanned etc then get this done to give you peace of mind.

  2. Angel I dont know what to say really…. just a tidbit.. dont go back on the pill, at our age and you know Im 10 yrs older than you… there are significant health risks… just be cautious if you think you dont want to get pregnant after a certain age/time.

  3. Overweight people need to lose weight if trying to conceive. No one else said anything but your guy looks quite big in the pics, is he eating healthily and trying to lose weight? You guys should both go on an alkaline diet, seriously I did it for a medical reason and the way your body changes is amazing, try it – you have nothing to lose, look it up! but you have to stick to it, it requires willpower.

  4. I offer my prayers and one bit of advice: trust your basal body temperature!

  5. You WILL get peggies.
    I know it with ALL my heart.
    Read my lips: you. will. get. preggies.
    And like all the other good things that have come into your life that bring you HUGE joy – it will be unexpected and it will completely surprise you and thrill you to pieces!!!!
    You deserve it. You have "earned" it and I don't want you "label" yourself "infertile". God has a plan – and a desire to bless you. It WILL happen.
    You hear?
    I have faith and I believe.
    It will happen.

  6. I guess I'm just a dimwit. I really don't see why someone would put themselves through all that. Especially when I think about how there are so many tons of children out there without parents.

    Couples without children? Children without parents? Well, it doesn't require cutting yourself up….

  7. as you know hubby and i have pretty much earned that label. i have been off the pill for about 5 years and we have been doing the hard core treatments (daily hormon shots/pills) for over a year and no success. I think the part that is most frustrating to us is when they tell us everything looks great and then after the insemination the test still is negative. This was our last cycle for a while i will find out on the 8th if it worked – but i already had some tell-tale cramps that announce my period so … They are planning on surgery on me next – Ovarian drilling and hubby wants to do invitro after that. To be honest i don't know how much more i and my body can take. luckily invitro will take some time to safe up for giving my body a chance to recuperate. i think the most important part is not to loose your selves in all this.

  8. *hugs* Sadly this is one of those things that is more likely to happen when you are not trying. Not what you want to hear but it's the truth… :/

  9. ((HUGS)) As someone who's been through it twice… and 4 miscarriages later, I completely understand where you're coming from.

  10. oh angel! huge hugs to you. i truly feel for you. my guy and i sort of tried for 2 years, so i feel some of what you're going through. you and glugster have such huge love, you deserve this. i've got my fingers crossed for you.

  11. Hugs!

    It is your body so there for your choice. My friend sent me this article and it made me laugh maybe it will make you laugh too, . I hope that it all works out in the end. Have you been taking your temp. daily?

  12. The only thing I have is all those cliches you dont want to hear 🙁

    I do beleive though that things happen like they are meant to! Doesnt make it any easier I know!

    You and Glugster have an exceptional love and are planning an exceptional life together! That is something to hold on to!

    Hugs my friend!!!!

  13. I feel every word of this post.

    We started trying in 1998….a long road and many tears and doctors and procedures later….I fell pregnant. Naturally and unexpectedly in 2001. And now I fall preggers with a sexy look.

    And 'the doctors' are still stunned as both my man and I were/are considered clinically infertile.

    YOu need to get to a place of surrender and gratitude. I know I sound like a trite shit but its true. YOu and Glugs have an awesome relationship. A baby would be heavenly but ultimately you have what you need right now for a happy life.

    And yes! to a previous commenter….stress is A HUGE FACTOR in failed conception but it also dang difficult for us to live stress free aint it?

  14. i reserve the right to say 'i told you so' for when you're knee deep in shitty nappies.

    have faith, patience and persist.

    all good things come to those who wait, apparently.


  15. What an open and honest post Angel…don't even know what to say…except that I sort of know what you are feeling. Lots of hugs and kisses, your friend Nats x

  16. Stress!
    Knuckled head stress – and he has dished out a lot lately.
    Stress to get pregnant.
    Stress over not getting pregnant.
    Stress over your Dad and his health.
    Stress over work and daily life.

    All this damn stress….it's a wonder you can have sex, much less conceive!

    Maybe try a little reverse psychology and less pressure on yourselves. Stop putting all this pressure on yourselves. Go about planning a wedding, having a GREAT time, boinking your brains out for the sake of doing it and see if that does not help out a bit. Just stop thinking about having a baby and let nature take it's course.

    You already have such a full plate, don't make something that is naturally fun into something that is hard work. Have a blast sista!

  17. I read somewhere not to have sex too often if you're trying to conceive, so maybe cut down a bit if that's the case…

    Also I don't think you should go back on the pill, it doesn't make any sense in your situation unless you wanna take it for acne or something, but since you don't mind getting pregnant don't go back on it. does your man have low sperm count? does he smoke and drink, coz the guy also needs to be healthy to increase the chances.

  18. i'm not sure about when exactly a couple is considered to be infertile, but i DO know that in the UK a specialist won't even make an appointment with you until you have been trying for at least a year.

    also, i know it feels terrible, but you are not alone. i have friends who tried for FIVE years before she eventually fell pregnant, other friends tried for three years, others…etc, etc. the list is endless.

    i guess my point is, don't give up – you and glugs will be such great parents that it would be a total shame not to try everything you can. at least for a little while longer.

    but, having said that, my thoughts and prayers are with you. xoxox

  19. Hugs to you, Angel. Wish there was more I could offer. It sounds hugely frustrating and even quite soul-destroying. Sending you and Glug all my love.


    Above link might help define the term Infertile more clearly than I would be able to express in words. Something else I would also be unable to express, would be how I'm holding thumbs and toes and bendy digits for you and glugster to fall pregnant. More so for you than I am even holding for me.

    I'm sorry that it hasn't happened yet. I can just imagine how you must be feeling.

    Although, one positive thing that can be taken from this journey is all the bonking you've been doing. they do say that's the best form of all-over-body-exercise one can get (so who needs a diet anyway.

    Lots of lovin' and huggin'!

  21. Firstly, *squishes*.

    From someone who has actively tried to conceive before – 11 months is FORKING long! After a few months (5 in total I think) of trying ourselves I HAD to stop. I could not stand the person it was turning me in to. I was resentful, bitter and a mess. I hated it and even started hating myself. It really has a huge affect on your life. I know.

    I don't for one minute believe people that are overweight struggle to get pregnant. You should know why. Duh.

    We might have 'stopped trying', but going on the pill is a bit drastic – or would have been for me, because I know exactly how well it works for me.

    I can understand why you would want to go back on the pill and because of that why it would be so very difficult for you to stop trying.

    It's something only you and the Glugster can decide. Your hearts will tell you what is right.

    Until then, I'm here for you. Any time you want to bitch or rant!

  22. *lotsa hugs* I wish i could give you something more profound but I'm all emotioned up today…your post even made me cry.

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