When does a couple become “infertile”? Are you an infertile couple if only one person has issues? Are you a couple dealing with infertility if you’ve only been trying for a few months? Because I must be honest- I get exceptionally
fucked off annoyed when someone actually has the audacity to complain about trying to fall pregnant without success- when it’s been all of 3 months!!!
What “qualifies” someone for this title?
It may sound strange, but I genuinely believe it’s a hard earned title, even if it is unwanted.
And please, for heavens sake, don’t tell me to relax and/ or stop thinking about it… or that it’ll happen when we stop trying.
When I’m not worrying about the knucklehead and his shenanigans (which is about 6 posts in and of itself in the last few weeks- which are all negative so I haven’t finished them), then our trying to have a baby is pretty much about ALL I think about.
Yes, I now have wedding planning to distract me a little, but my thoughts are dominated by our TTC adventure. By far.
I check and recheck calendars and dates almost obsessively.
I daydream and wish and hope and pray all the time.
I have stopped smoking, cut out all alcohol, cut out most caffeine and I’m trying to watch what I eat in order to lose some weight (which is where I am failing miserably).
We’re both taking supplements and vitamins that are supposed to aid fertility- and which cost a fucking fortune.
I Google symptoms and statistics and look for websites that will give me tips and tricks… anything that may give me a solution.
I tell all the doctors I have to see that I am trying to fall pregnant, so anything they decide to give me had better be pregnancy safe.
And I get so pissed off when aunt Flo arrives every month that you’d think she was an actual person on whom I could vent my anger and frustration.
A part of me wants to move forward and decide that yes, we are battling with infertility… but it’s only been 11 months. And that’s such a short space of time…
That same part of me is terrified of making that call because I am afraid of dealing with it “officially”. And I am afraid of making that decision, because then I may want to consider going for treatments and such- which we decided we weren’t going to do because of the strain it causes in so many aspects of a couple’s life.
We are looking at going to see a specialist simply to find out if our endeavours thus far have made a difference at all, because if they haven’t it’ll be a real waste to continue, and then we may stop trying sooner than the end of December.
But we’ll see.
And we’re pretty much carrying on as we would were we not trying. We’re making plans for holidays, and trips overseas. We’re planning our wedding. I’m thinking about courses I’d like to do and starting my own business. its not like we’ve put everything on hold until we have a baby. And we’re really trying to stay positive about the possibility of having our own baby too.
Thankfully our sex life remains spectacular… I think I may have put a stop to this endeavour already had our sex life suffered at all because of this.
Giving ourselves a time limit for trying to have a baby may baffle a lot of people, but I think its keeping me sane. Knowing that we won’t be doing this forever makes it a little bit easier to deal with. But at the same time, I find myself wondering how I could limit myself so.
I am already 35 years old- and you can ask any expert, the fertility downhill slide for women starts then. I am relatively healthy, and I have been pregnant twice before with no problems, but I am getting older.
And yes, I know there are women having babies naturally well into their forties nowadays. And yes, I know there are options and treatments, but there’s never a guarantee.
My darling Glugster has problems too. We knew this when we started.
Having an idea of what we faced when we started made a big difference because we weren’t going in blind… but it still doesn’t make it any less disappointing when I start my period again every month.
And then there’s stopping TTC.
I think it sounds dreadful. And the thought reduces me to tears because I will be admitting failure.
At this point in time, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to call it off… but when we decided to go ahead with this we made the decision not to keep trying forever.
And when we do decide to stop trying to conceive a child of our own, it’s not simply going to be a case of saying we’re stopping and leaving it at that.
I am 90% sure that I will be going back onto the pill because I know that if I don’t, I will always be “trying”.
That I will be holding my breath every fucking month that “…maybe this time…”
…come play on my rollercoaster…