So Yesterday Was Interesting…


I was at work, not exactly round the corner from home, when I got a phone call. This was round lunch time.

It was one of the phone calls I’ve had very many of in my life as my knucklehead’s mom, and they always leave me feeling powerless and angry.


The complex we live in is not huge; I think there are 27 units or so? There are a lot of families with kids ranging in age from toddler to a little younger than the knucklehead.

Damien hangs out occasionally with a few of the kids, mostly because some of them skate and he’ll join them sometimes. And a few times a couple of the boys have come over to play PS2 and such.

I never thought twice about it.


Then, I get a call. The display says “Front Gate”, which would imply that someone is trying to visit me, right? That’s how I always understood it… except that the one security guard at our complex has gotten overly familiar, despite my not actually encouraging him.

What do I mean?

Well, he’ll “call” my phone using the intercom call box at the gate, at 9PM at night, to ask if I have tippex (whiteout) to loan him!!! He is always asking Damien to put his colddrink or food in our fridge, or to please freeze his water bottle, or things like that.

I know it sounds like I’m being petty- but I truly do not believe in being friendly with people who are supposed to provide me with a service. When I use a particular garage or grocery shop, and they start asking personal questions like “Where’s your mother today?” or “How’s your son?” I get more than a little creeped out that they should know so much about me, and I will start going somewhere else.

I loathe the fact that I cannot smile and return a greeting without people inferring that we are then friends.


Anyhoodle, so I answer the call. The security guard starts telling me Damien has a girl in the house and that he’s denying it and the kids are shouting and and and… needless to say his English is not the best, and I was battling to understand him over the intercom, so I hung up and called the knucklehead.

He tells me there was a girl visiting, who lives in the complex. They played a little guitar and watched some TV and then she left. I spoke to the maid, who said she was doing the ironing and they were watching some TV and then the girl left.

Nothing funny. Nothing hinky. And she’s 17 BTW, the girl is not a child.

I call my Glugster to ask if he can call someone and do something about the security guard. I don’t have any contact details for the trustees or anything like that, and quite frankly, I want the dude reassigned.

Glugs sets off for home to take care of it for me.

Always my hero.

It turns out that parents in the complex have been using the security guard as a kind of babysitter! Phoning him on his cellphone and telling him to send the children home, or make sure they don’t leave the complex! This is not his job FCOL!! And you can rest assured I will be taking it further, but this was not the main issue yesterday.


Then I called Damien again to let him know Glugs is on his way and to sit tight. Of course- when we spoke the first time he was ready to set off and defend his own honour with anyone and everyone, so I had to make doubly sure he kept his head and stayed home!

The knucklehead then tells me that some of the parents in the complex are under the impression he’s some kind of junkie drug dealer, and they don’t want their kids associating with him… and even though I know he is prone to exaggeration, I suddenly realised that he’s far from childlike in other people’s eyes!

You know those moments when, as a parent, you look at your baby and realise he or she isn’t a baby anymore, but a young child? Or the moment when you look at him walking into the school gate and he’s suddenly so tall?

I had one of those moments.

I suddenly saw my almost 19 year old son through my neighbour’s eyes. He’s not a little kid anymore- and I’ve known this for a long time… but I’d never seen my son “from the outside” so to speak.

My knucklehead has now decided he is indeed a Goth so he’s now all out for all black… but even before that he wore almost exclusively black clothing. He wears several big silver skull-type rings, several spiked leather armbands, his hair is long, his nails are black, and he smokes. He loves his metal and death metal, and he plays it, loudly.

While he has no problem playing LEGO with the ADHDer children who visit when we have support group meetings, he also has friends his own age and they like to party together. He plays cars in the dirt with his cousins. He plays on the slip and slide with his cousins at his granny’s annual Christmas party… But our neighbours don’t know him, or see that. Quite frankly I can understand their being freaked out about their kids spending time with this “man”… but it made me more than a little sad.


I could have gone to my neighbours and tried to explain that he’s harmless; and that being an ADHDer he’s actually very immature and really is just having some fun… but there comes a time when you can’t organise “play dates” and smooth over relationships with other kids for your ADHDer child anymore.

So I had to tell him yesterday that maybe having the kids over for some PS2 is not a good idea anymore… I had to explain to him that even though I know he’s harmless, hanging out with the neighbourhood kids may not be advisable anymore.

He’s sad about it because he battles to understand that others can’t see he has no ulterior motive, but he’ll be okay. He’ll be spending even more time at the shelter now rather than being home alone, and now we’re really working on finding him a job…


But yesterday’s incident made me sad.

Blog Challenge

Female2Female has a new challenge up this week.



I am home alone for the first time in months! This last week I was very embarrassed to tell my bosses I was booked off again because of my asthma. I haven’t battled like this in years! The slightest exertion- getting dressed for my doctor’s appointment or walking downstairs- made my heart race. On Tuesday at the doctor my O2 sats (SaO2) was down to 93% and she wanted to hospitalise me! I said no, because if she did I’d never get out before Thursday night’s Feather Award ceremony and there’s no way I was missing that! 🙂 I’m still feeling it, but its better.


I love my life right now. Its crazy- I’m so busy that my to-do lists have sub-categories… but it is so awesome. I am focusing on me without even feeling guilty. And being so busy has also taken my mind off not being able to have a baby. And I love my fiancé. He truly is my hero, and his patience and passion makes every day bliss.


I taste the Coke Zero I’m currently drinking. I love the stuff, and it helps get the taste of my twice a day dose of Inflammide out of my mouth. Hell that stuff’s vile!!!


I believe, no- I know- that I have the most incredible man on this planet. He’s my fiancé, my confidant, my lover, my friend, my companion, my parent partner and my dance partner. He keeps me sane and he makes me laugh.


I hope my two men get home safely tonight. It’s a boy’s night out for the men in my family, organised by da Bruvva  and attended by my BILs and my daddy darling.


I wish… I wish… I wish… right now the only thing I wish is that my knucklehead can get his license and find a job.


I laugh at my kittens, Diva and Turk, all the time!


I feel relaxed. But even though I feel pretty relaxed right now I have a tiny nagging niggle in the pit of my stomach that reminds me that I have a shit-load of work to do.


I dream about making wedding planning my career…


I smell almost nothing… my nose is pretty much permanently blocked. And then sometimes I smell things no-one else seems able to smell!


I fear for my knucklehead’s future. If I can open a bakery then he can work for me… but that’s not likely to happen soon, if at all.

Speak Out South Africa!

I am not a writer or a journalist, but I am a blogger.


This is a priviledge I am more than grateful for on a daily basis.


People I consider to be friends and family live inside my internet connection. People I have come to know and love. People I consider friends. Because I am allowed to blog, uncensored, I have connected with the most amazing people. Educated, opinionated, intelligent and very real people. I have come to know and love people I would never have had the opportunity to get to know, were it not for the fact that South Africa’s freedom of expression is guaranteed in our constitution. I met my fiancé through my blog!

I am not highly educated and I have little more than a very basic knowledge of our country’s constitution and laws. And most of what I do know, I have learned from some incredibly clued up bloggers!


Politics is something I almost never blog about, but Sipho Hlongwane has started something (via Chris Roper). He’s called for bloggers to stand up against the bullying of the media. There’s also a Twitter hashtag, #SpeakZA. Here’s what he asked us to post.



Last week, shocking revelations concerning the activities of the ANC Youth League spokesperson Nyiko Floyd Shivambu came to the fore. According to a letter published in various news outlets, a complaint was laid by 19 political journalists with the Secretary General of the ANC, against Shivambu. This complaint letter detailed attempts by Shivambu to leak a dossier to certain journalists, purporting to expose the money laundering practices of Dumisani Lubisi, a journalist at the City Press. The letter also detailed the intimidation that followed when these journalists refused to publish these revelations.


We condemn in the strongest possible terms the reprisals against journalists by Shivambu. His actions constitute a blatant attack on media freedom and a grave infringement on Constitutional rights. It is a disturbing step towards dictatorial rule in South Africa. We call on the ANC and the ANC Youth League to distance themselves from the actions of Shivambu. The media have, time and again, been a vital democratic

safeguard by exposing the actions of individuals who have abused their positions of power for personal and political gain.


The press have played a vital role in the liberation struggle, operating under difficult and often dangerous conditions to document some of the most crucial moments in the struggle against apartheid. It is therefore distressing to note that certain people within the ruling party are willing to maliciously target journalists by invading their privacy and threatening their colleagues in a bid to silence them in their legitimate work.


We also note the breathtaking hubris displayed by Shivambu and the ANC Youth League President Julius Malema in their response to the letter of complaint. Shivambu and Malema clearly have no respect for the media and the rights afforded to the media by the Constitution of South Africa. Such a response serves only to reinforce the position that the motive for leaking the so-called dossier was not a legitimate concern, but an insolent effort to intimidate and bully a journalist who had exposed embarrassing information about the Youth League President.


We as bloggers urge the ANC as a whole to reaffirm its commitment to media freedom and other Constitutional rights we enjoy as a country.



From what I understand, the ANCYL spokesperson, Nyiko Floyd Shivambu, tried to use the media to lambaste the man who exposed embarrassing information about the ANCYL president, Julius Malema.

Then when 19 political journalists put their names to an official complaint, the YL president himself retorted with a letter, calling the journos a mob and a nameless concerned group!


It makes me heartsore that this is the world my son has to grow up and make a life in.


Here’s a list of other bloggers speaking out:


I had that feeling all day.

You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re expecting something but you don’t know if its going to be good or bad… the one you feel when you’re waiting for something to happen…

Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and I got tired of waiting- so I went and got me some KFC.