Empty Nest? I Wish…

I know that most women feel at some point in their lives, after the kidlets have grown up and moved on, that they have no purpose and their lives have no direction. The whole “Empty Nest Syndrome” thing. Its very real, and I do believe it exists… but I honestly don’t think I’m ever going to feel it.

empty_nest

Right now, I wish with all my heart that my knucklehead could get his license, get a job, and get a place of his own- in that order. I want him to have the stress and the freedom that comes with a salary. I want him to have the worry and the pride that comes with earning your own money. I want him to have the freedom and the excitement that comes with going gallivanting and locking your own front door- and not having to tell your mom where you’re going first.

The other day I came home from work to an empty house. He was still at the shelter. The TV was off. The cats were asleep. And there was not a sound except the ones I made. It felt so surreal… yet blissful.

I found myself wishing I could come home to that every day…

… and then hating myself for wishing it.

Make no mistake. When my darling Damien eventually does move out, I am going to miss him like crazy. I love him too much not to. Today, we chilled on the couch and watched “Star Trek” while we shared a huge bowl of popcorn. We love each other and laugh at each other and we get each other… But right now- as selfish as this sounds- this is time I want for me. I want to devote my time to my interests and put me first. I want to put my Glugster and our relationship first. I have plans for me and for my future, and I shelved them when he was a baby. It was a decision I made consciously and without malice. And it worked for us. He needed all the attention I could spare when he was growing up, and I gave him that, with all my heart. I don’t want him throwing a mini-tantrum when he can’t have cigarette money. I get annoyed when he sends me a text asking me to pick up some Coke on the way home. He is contributing in that I make him cook supper several times a week. Packing and unpacking the dishwasher is his responsibility. The cats’ litter boxes, the dustbins and his bedrooom are his responsibility. He has to work at the animal shelter several times a week. He also takes care of several cupcake collections for me, and he gets a tiny bit of cash for these chores… but he has DSTV, internet access, swimming pool, pool table, his own bathroom, a maid, everything he could want or need to eat… and because he’s unemployed he can’t pay board and lodging.

Make no mistake, he knows he’s supposed to be paying rent. We’ve discussed it many times over the years so its no suprise to him.

I knew, when he was growing up, that he wouldn’t be up and out of the house as soon as he turned 18. I knew that. I wasn’t expecting him to move out as soon as he turned 18 years old. But he’s quite happy to coast. His lack of motivation breaks my heart because I don’t know how to inspire him.

And I so badly want him to move forward.

15 thoughts on “Empty Nest? I Wish…

  1. Its good to feel this way both for you and Damien. Its good you are preparing to let go. Its good for Damien to see that you and Glugster want to be together and this is loving relationships should be. It gives him security to see you love each other and want to be alone together to just ‘be’. Its normal and I pray it will soon be so for you. Normal and happy. (Not our version of normal though ha ha – as you well know how that is!!) We love Damien with all our heart – he is my special boy. We love you my precious Angel – very much. We are sooooooooooooooooooooo proud of you!

  2. I totally relate. Mine’s 21 and still at home. I’m beginning to think boys have far less desire to leave home than girls do. Actually that’s probably not a new theory. It’s unlikely he will find the motivation in a hurry… unless, perhaps, he finds a girlfriend. I reckon if anything will motivate him to get his own place, a girlfriend will!
    Until then… hang in there. (sorry, don’t have any better advice – that’s just what I’m doing myself 🙂 )
    .-= Terri´s last blog ..over the rainbow and into the mud =-.

  3. I dont think you need to hate yourself for that – if he was 7 then yes maybe 🙂 But he is 18 and its time for him to fly now! Its natural and you and Glugster deserve a chance to just be you guys for a little bit!

    Its probably a crap job but I saw a young kid about Damiens age working in the deli section of PnP – just an idea!
    .-= Laura´s last blog ..So much of excitement =-.

  4. 18 is still young. I went off to university, actually I turned 18 shortly after arriving! I was SO lost. It took me a few years to realise that I had to make a go of things myself, that while my mum and dad might/might not always be there for me, that it was TOTALLY up to me to make a go of it. He will get going when the time is right.
    .-= Ness at Drovers Run´s last blog ..I think its winter =-.

  5. gosh i don’t even know what to say about this. except i ALWAYS keep an ear and eye out for a job that could be suitable for Damien. xxx
    .-= The Jackson Files´s last blog ..Obsessed =-.

  6. I agree with you. Me and hubby is now working to get our children grown up so that they too can get a job, house and their own freedom, so that we also can enjoy each other and our own freedom for the rest of our lifes.
    .-= blackhuff´s last blog ..Things happening in slow mo =-.

  7. You see -there you ‘ve said it – it’s not about moving out in essence, but about moving forward – as we would all like our children to do.

  8. Oh honey I think you’re a wonderful. That you have discussed this with him means its all up to him now. He needs to make you proud and be proud of himself! Strongs and wishing you both the best.

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